notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
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“Un-drama yourself. Be who you were before all that drama happened which distracted you from who you really are and what you really want for your life.”
"I can't keep calm, my family is crazy."
"A toxic person only changes their victims, never themselves."
🥚🥚🍳🍳
“Your life may feel like it’s scrambled, but take it in stride and everything will go over easy.”
“Families tend to cater to the most dysfunctional person in the family as a way to keep the peace.”
"Not only are you right, I wish I was smart enough to take your advice."
"I love animals. When's the last time you were loved just for walking through a door? Dogs do this all the time."
"People who eat loads of food and never gain weight, I hate you."
“It’s better to be disowned, than to be owned.”
"Please don't disturb my peace if you're at war with yourself."
"Replacing my heart with another liver so I can drink more and care less."
“Keep calm and carry a wand.”
“Never let others dull your sparkle.”
Maybe take a look at each med and observe whether they’re adding to the problem.
Also how we feel during the day depends a lot on what kind of people surround us. As caregivers, we’re often stuck spending lots of time with very negative, difficult LOs.
Yesterday, I wrote to my sleep doctor via MyChart.
“I'm not doing better. I only slept for 5 hours last night and it was a major struggle to get out of bed to get to the bathroom. I ate breakfast, took my meds, and went back to bed. I got up to go to a wound doctor appointment and when I got home, went straight to bed. Hours later, I went out to pick up some take-outs. For some reason, I missed the turn to go in front of the sign where you order and went into the area behind it where the back door is. When I got home, I was ready to order groceries online, but could not find the flyers. I looked and looked. Finally, I went to my car and they were in the front seat. I don't even remember taking them out there. Furthermore, my balance has been poor. ”
Today, my sleep doctor called me in response. He said that I am sleep deprived plus have other issues that require a neurologist which I told him that I already have an appointment with. Duh, I knew that I have had sleep deprivation for months. At least, he had the professionalism to say I needed a neurologist. This is a neurological disorder. My goodness!
I do appreciate him making the effort to respond by phone. Hardly any doctor does that today.
Well, my conclusion is, that I have the rest of May, plus all of June & July to continue to live like this until August 1st when I hope the neurologist does something that helps.
Thanks for listening!
This is true . I wish I had moved to safety sooner, rather than trying to fulfill other dysfunctional family member’s expectations .
Her hub emailed me a few times - last time to say "Why not bury the hatchet?" My only thought was that the hatchet was buried many times - in my back. No more!!!
There are 2 people in my family that are only in my life because of my mom, that I just want gone! And I know this is not forever.
Thanks for listening.
Ps my son is out of the hospital to pass his stone at home with some good drugs. 😂
Sure enough within the month mother writes both of us that she is dying because her liver is failing, In fact her liver was fine for he rest of her life - about another 10 years. That was when I stopped sharing medical info with sis. I did notice that the one thing she didn't pass on to mother was the BPD diagnosis. She just brushed that aside saying "Oh, mother has a few emotional problems but nothing serious". Right!!!
Sorry your mum is looking frail,. It's hard seeing them decline. Hope this week is better.
boj - some good ones! One thing I have learned to do - and this works for telephone scams as well as toxicity is ask the person to repeat what they said - then ask them to repeat it again. And then say it back to them "Did you say..."
By that time it has lost its power.
"Know the difference between being patient and wasting your time."
"You gotta stop watering dead plants."
"Wow, you're really killing it with the bullying recently, everyone's been really impressed."
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“You’re just jealous.”
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“You will never die of brain cancer.”
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“What is your age? Just wondering.”
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When somebody says, “Do you know who my father is?” Just reply, “Why? Your mom didn’t tell you?”
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“Looks like someone hasn’t been to Paris in a while.”
Also she called her 3 days ago to tell her her husband's niece, boyfriend and 1 year only was killed by a DD. Oh and my uncle is in the hospital after he was going wrong way on the north way
Mom would of known none of this is my sister didn't call her, but never show to help. And I'll have to pick up the peices
And mom seems a lot more frail this week.
That sums up my great week.
okey-dokey, off i go and do some foolish things.
"Be someone who makes you happy."
"Know when to give up and have a margarita."
Let's see mom, did you clean , do grocery, plant flowers for 2 homes when you were my age!
Yesterday we went out, got back and did 4 trips carring her stuff in and out of the house, by the 5th trip she was outta the car and I walked her in .
Nothing is ever enough, nothing is ever good enough, I'm really getting over that. I use to get so upset that she didn't see how hard I work but Her brain is broke. It is what it is. Just wanted to do a little venting
And be greatfull for the 💪 I've gained the last few years!!