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My husband and I have been with my 90 year old parents since before Thanksgiving. It is now January 2nd. My husband had to go home to work in another state. My mom got a respiratory infection and was sent to the hospital due to fluid in her extremities and low oxygen. She’s now on oxygen. I stayed behind to care for her and help out my Dad. I thought that she would get better in a few weeks. It’s not the oxygen problem that she can’t deal with when I leave, it’s that she can’t reach back to wipe her rear because she’s too heavy in her stomach. Granted she’s sitting on a high toilet seat with grab bars, but even before we got that, she didn’t want to wipe herself. Then she wants me to bring her a bed pan into the kitchen while my Dad was cooking in the kitchen, also outside on the common area balcony in front of her door, in the living room - to urinate instead of walking to the bathroom. My Dad said she gets out of bed on her own, wipes herself upfront and gets back into bed by herself. When my wonderful husband told her Mom you need to start trying to become independent again like you were, she went crazy on him and told me go home to your husband. He is the most compassionate person in the world. My mom said to him I want to thank you for you giving up your wife - what does this mean? For how long does she think I’m going to stay around just to wipe her? She said I would never have your father to that. I don’t like to use my father’s car so I’m trapped. I also brought my puppy who needs exercise. She told me don’t be long walking him. Also, she’s supposed to be losing weight and she’s eating cookies, etc. So why do I have to wipe her if she can’t reach back because she’s heavy and she’s not helping herself? My husband and I are in our 60’s and about to retire and she won’t even walk to help herself! It’s so unfair! I bought her a tool to help her reach back and she doesn’t want to try it. If she can’t wipe herself now, I can’t just live with her to just stay around to wipe her. So sorry everyone! PS I had breast cancer and need to go to my doctors too.

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I feel your pain. I cared for my mom too. It’s hard to care for a parent full time.

There isn’t anything that you can do about her anger. I am sorry that she doesn’t understand your frustration. Your mom is so caught up in her own world that she is blind to your needs.

It’s understandable that you are frustrated. She needs someone to help her, so she is frustrated too. She doesn’t want your father to help.

She has to find another solution to her problems. Can you speak with your dad about alternatives for her? Than explain to your mom what options are available for her.

Go ahead and vent here. We are here to listen and help out with suggestions.

Have you contacted Council on Aging in her area? They will assess your mom’s needs. They will discuss options regarding her care.

I’m glad that you have decided to be your mom’s daughter again and leave the caregiving to someone else. Hopefully, your mom will choose trained professionals to care for her needs.

Best wishes to you and your family.
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Maximus, your mother is no longer "independent" if she can't toilet herself without assistance.

She requires help with toileting.

You have given her a solution--a tool to use. She rejects it.

Her preferred solution is for you to become her personal attendant.

You have as much right to say "no, I can't possibly do that, Mom" as she has to reject the tool.

Mom is going to be angry, I guess.

So? What do mom and dad propose to do?

It's THEIR problem. You can help arrange a solution (bidet, personal care worker, move to Assisted Living) without becoming the solution.
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maximus1 Jan 2023
Hi BarbBrooklyn - We lived in Bay Ridge. My husband and I have no children and married for 34 years. I must say, we are the best daughter and son-in-law any parent can ask for. My poor husband just literally helped my mom emotionally and literally physically for 2weeks for hours and hours before he left and because he wants me home and said mom you need to become more independent and he was rambling on, my mom said I’m sending her home to you. We are very hurt!
We never took a vacation without them! We visit them for weeks at a time because they live far from us. We talk on the phone everyday and we love them dearly. One lousy mishap, according to my mom, and we're the most horrible, selfish people! What?
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Maximus, I love Bay Ridge; used to work there!

Getting old is hard--if you are in your 60s (as am I, for a few more months) you know that!

It sounds like your mom thought that YOU were her health care plan for her old age. It's time to tell her (gently) that you, too are a senior citizen and that there needs to be an alternative solution.

It also sounds like your mom is scared. Sometimes fear gets expressed as anger.

Was she given the option of going to rehab after her hospitalization? It sounds like she needs rehab services, either at home or in a facility so that she CAN become more independent.

It also sounds like her thinking is not clear. Is she beginning to show some signs of cognitive decline?
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2023
Barb,

You may be in your sixties but you are NOT old! You always inspire me with your progressive attitude. You are young at heart, but you have wisdom from your experiences from your caregiver days. Great combination!

I am right behind you. I am 67!
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Maximus, are you still paying your parents' mortgage and are they still being threatened by your brother, or has that situation resolved?

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/parents-wanted-to-sell-their-house-and-move-in-191850.htm?orderby=recent
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maximus1 Jan 2023
Yes, Barb, still paying their mortgage. My husband and I wanted to live in Europe when he retires and we are now screwed. We have been with my parents every single occasion etc. We talk by phone everyday, we never went on vacation without them, we spend weeks visiting them, we support them financially - we are drained emotionally right now! P S they have no friends and my brother physically and emotionally abused all of us!
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Re: toileting

These options are from a lady in her 70s. Despite being active, engaged & full of life she was realistic about her situation - being shorter & rounder was making it hard to 'reach to wipe'. She came up with;

Do it herself, however she could, using either a long handled aid (ie sponge on a stick) or consider a bidet.

If that failed, accept help was next. By implimenting a routine & hire a morning aide. Nursing home was last on her list.

She said it was her bum so her problem to solve.

Which is exactly what I told someone else who had mentally illness & *you do it* dependant behaviour. Her bottom. Her problem.
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It sounds that the simple answer to the bottom wiping problem is that if she can’t do it herself, then her husband your father does it for her. No need to be shy. He’s almost certainly seen a lot more of her naked than you have. If ‘she would never have your father do that’, then her alternative is aged care. You do not have a live-in care giver just to wipe your bottom, mother.

It sounds as though you and your husband have been a bit too ‘good’ for a long time. “We never took a vacation without them! We visit them for weeks at a time because they live far from us. We talk on the phone everyday and we love them dearly”. Have you ever said No? Do they expect that you will always do everything they need? There is a good book called Boundaries, which might be a good thing to read. Starting this when they are over 90 is a bit hard, but it’s never too late to stand up for your selves. Courage!
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maximus1
1 min ago
SEE MY QUESTION and REPLIES REGARDING 70th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY - all of my life has been dedicated to my parents. It’s not that I just started being with them.
By the way, my husband, puppy and I drove down to Florida for their 70th wedding anniversary and surprised them! We found a way! Now there’s another problem-I have been here for 7 weeks just to wipe her rear since she became ill and she doesn’t want me to leave! Now tell me what to do!?
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Scampie1 Jan 2023
Go home. You can suggest a home care aide to come in to help out, but don't allow yourself to be manipulated into staying. I think this is how many of us get caught up in these situations. One day turns into several days, days turn into months and months into years. Before you know it, three years have gone by. I know this is what happened to me after my mother died and I had to take care of my disabled sister. The family kept heaping more and more responsibility and my life diminished more and more.
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There will ALWAS AND FOREVER AFTER BE “ANOTHER PROBLEM”.
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maximus1 Jan 2023
ANOTHER GUILT RANT FROM ME: WE WERE ALWAYS WITH MY PARENTS - EVERY WEEKEND, EVERY HOLIDAY EVERY TRIP, EVERY SICKNESS. WE CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH! I HAD BREAST CANCER - ONLY 3 YEARS IN SUBMISSION-I’M IN PAIN FROM MEDS AND HAVE EXTREME MENOPAUSE SYMPTOMS FROM THEM. I HAVE NEVER COMPLAINED AND ASKED FOR HELP. I’M ALSO SICK FROM A RESPIRATORY INFECTION AND SLEEPING ON A PULLOUT BED FOR 7 WEEKS. THERE IS NO DRAWER SPACE FOR MY CLOTHES BECAUSE THEY THREW OUT THE STORAGE BASKETS THEY WERE IN. I ALSO HAVE PTSD FROM AN ABUSIVE BROTHER. READ MY OTHER POSTS. I MISS MY HOME AND MY HUSBAND SO MUCH. I’M SO BORED TOO! MY MOM SAYS DON’T BE LONG WALKING MY PUPPY. SHE JUST BLAMED MY PUPPY FOR BARKING AT HER THERAPIST, BUT HER OWN DOG STARTED THE BARKING. SHE WANTS ME TO STAY HERE FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FOR MY DAD TOO. MY HUSBAND WHO SHE ADORES GOT IN TROUBLE FOR SAYING THAT YIOU HAVE TO START DOING THINGS FOR YOURSELF SO YOU CAN BE INDEPENDENT AGAIN. SHE REPLIED I’M SICK AND YOU'RE GOING ON AND ON. SHE TOLD ME TO GO HOME TO YOUR HUSBAND. SHE WOULD NEVER LEAVE HER HUSBAND, BUT SHE DID LEAVE HER MOTHER AND MOVED TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY. THAT WAS OK FOR HER. I SUPPORTED THEM AND LEFT MY NEW HUSBAND FOR WEEKS AT A TIME TO TRAVEL CROSS COUNTRY FINDING HOUSES FOR MY BROTHER TO LIVE IN. I THINK I DO NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. I JUST WANT TO GO HOME! P.S. MY DAD WAS AN AIRLINE PILOT FOR 30 YEARS. THEY TRAVELED SO MUCH AND DID WHAT THEY HAD TO DO. SHE LEFT HER MOTHER. MY HUSBAND AND I NEVER LEFT THEM ALONE WHEN WE TRAVELED. WE WANT OUR LIFE BACK! WE ARE IN OUR 60’s WITH NO KIDS AND WANT TO START TRAVELING AGAIN. THEY DID WHAT THEY HAD TO DO AT OUR AGE. MY DAD IS 95 AND IN EXCELLENT CONDITION. HE CAN CARE FOR MY MOM. THE ONLY REASON SHE WANTS ME TO STAY IS SO I CAN HELP WIPE HER! WE JUST DON’T WANT TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!
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Go home and let them be mad.
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No good deed goes unpunished. You shouldn't have given in and went for their 70th anniversary. You need to go back home unless you want to be your mothers ass wiper until the day she dies. Your mom must be in her eighties or nineties. What kind of mother wants her daughter to wipe her ass daily? Doesn't she have any dignity?
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Beatty Jan 2023
I'm thinking a mix of physical, cognitive & behavioural going on.

Mom is 90, has had a very recent illness - I imagine still very fatigued. Nurses would have assisted in hospital - sometimes patients then grow quite dependant. In addition, low oxygen messes with thinking.

Visiting therapy services at home could help - for PT exercises, esp lung & OT for fatigue management & toileting aides.

Maybe in hindsight, a stay in in-patient rehab was needed.
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When is the next medical checkup scheduled?

Maximus, can you attend & ensure the hygiene issue (the wiping problem) is fully explained?
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maximus1 Jan 2023
Beatty, we had the occupational therapist explain to her how to do it with the tool, but she doesn’t want to use it, so when she comes back, we need to have “hands” on practice. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks!
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There is a larger issue at play here: your Mom is in decline both physically and maybe even cognitively. When you say she doesn't want you to leave, or even be gone long to walk your dog (which is irrational) -- in terms of dementia this is called Shadowing. Has your Mom ever had a cognitive exam? I would start here so that you know what you're dealing with and will have better context with which to figure out how much you want to be involved.

You pay their mortgage. Below you said they've gone on every vacation with you. So it is no surprise they see you and your husband as their retirement and care plan. Have you heard of "co-dependent relationships"? If not, maybe it's time you had a session or 2 with a therapist so that you can see and protect your personal boundaries (and those of your husband as well).

I agree with others who recommended a bidet. I also agree with others who pointed out that your Father should be her primary caregiver -- if he can, at 90. But they are both losing ground to aging and health. You just got a small taste of what is to come. This is unfair to your long-suffering husband. HE is your priority, not your parents.

Think long and hard about continuing to stretch yourself financially by paying for their mortgage (hopefully the house is in your name? If not...why not?) Have a scripted talk with your parents about the boundaries of your caregiving efforts. Tell them you'll help them simplify their lives so it is easier for everyone. This may mean they hire (not you hire) day aids/companions to assist them.

Your Mom will get mad because you are about to shatter her assumption about who is going to pander to her in her decline and be her Wiper. It shouldn't be you. It can't be you. Defend your marrriage and husband. With no kids, you will certainly need all possible assets to support your own aging decline. No one can be assumed into caregiving. You have to agree to it and know the terms. That hasn't happend in your case but it's not too late to reframe the future. It will be hard before it gets better. If you know this going in, you can hang on to this hope. Good luck!
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maximus1 Jan 2023
Thank so much for your advice! I finally said NO I cannot stay - I’ll be leaving in a few weeks. I can’t believe I did that! The only problem is that my Dad will be 95 on Feb. 23rd. My mom will be going ballistic once again because if I leave in a few weeks I’m certainly not going back to Florida for his birthday! Read my other posts. I have been with them for every single occasion since I came out of her womb for weeks at a time. We can’t do this anymore- we’re both drained from it. I dread telling her that we won’t be there for his birthday. She has been guilting us forever! My mom would never leave her husband! I’m missing my 34th wedding anniversary which is special because we were married on Friday the 13th and it’s going to fall on Friday the 13th this year. Once again, I’m giving up my life. My mom did a lot for her kids, but she would never ever leave her husband, not even for HER mother! My husband wanted to take me away to Europe to see castles because I love history after my breast cancer chemotherapy because he was worried I wouldn’t make it in the future. I told him I can’t do it alone with him because Mom and Dad may get upset that we weren’t going with them. I don’t know whether I’m crazy or really a nice person!
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The bidet option that everyone is mentioning is a great idea. There are inexpensive bidet options sold on Amazon that are easily attached to toilets. Even I was able to install one when my son moved to a new rental - which says a lot.
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BurntCaregiver Jan 2023
@Once

The mother will not use a bidet attachment on the toilet. She refuses to even use the toilet. She insists on a bedpan being brought into the kitchen instead. She wants her daughter there cleaning up her crap and wiping her a$$ and will not consider any alternative plan.
Unless she is forced to.
My mother pulled a similar action for a little while. She was refusing to use the flushing toilet. She'd walk right past the bathroom in favor of using the portable commode that's for emergencies only.
I told her I refused to empty it again. She kept crapping and peeing in it until it there was no more space to go in it. I would not empty it. I put the lid on it and left it there for a week. She used the bathroom every time. On the eighth day I told her I would clean it and if she used it again and it's not an emergency, I'd throw it away.
She uses it usually no more than once or twice to pee every couple of days.
This was two years ago.
The OP's mother will start accepting outside help and trying whatever assistance devices made available to her when her daughter and husband stop catering to her. She knows a nursing home is a real possibility right the around the corner if she doesn't get over her stubborness and abusive neediness.
The OP and husband need to force her to get over it.
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This is from the OP:
"...we told her she should go to the Rehab facility for a few weeks and she will heal and learn - she screamed crying. We said it’s not a nursing home - she said NO..."

You need to set better boundaries with your parents.

1. They need to live somewhere they can afford, not where you pay the mortgage.

2. They need to stop giving your abusive brother money. He needs to be turned in to law enforcement for elder abuse.

3. Leave. Call Adult Protective Services in their community and report them as vulnerable elders.
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What is wrong with you?
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BurntCaregiver Jan 2023
@vegaslady

If you're asking about Bridget66, then the answer to your question is absolutely nothing.
There is nothing wrong with her and her responses are spot on 100%
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Go home. You don't need to wipe her butt. And asking for a bedpan in the kitchen is totally disgusting. It's time for her to be in a facility. Get her on Medicaid and quit spending to pay their mortgage. Turn your abusive brother into the authorities.
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BurntCaregiver Jan 2023
@Bridget

Amen to that. You're the star if this thread for sure and are giving the best advice that can be given.
Maybe the mother is not ready for a care facility yet. Homecare may be the perfect solution for her. If she and her husband need to move to a senior apartment with a cheaper rent to be able to afford homecare, that could very well be a realistic option.
Many people in this life get elderly and have never learned the valuable lesson that what they NEED is often very different than what they WANT. I learned this lesson very early on in life and am glad of it. People who learn this know how to adapt.
Human beings like we are now (homo sapien) learned how to adapt to their changing environment. That is why they survived to become us. Refusing to adapt is why all the other forms of primitive man were selected by nature for extinction.
Like primitive man, many of our beloved seniors also refuse to adapt. We call it "stubborness". So families will ruin their own lives and families the way the OP is trying to give them what they WANT instead of that they NEED.
The OP and others caught in such a situation NEED to walk away and go back to their own lives. Maybe make a call to APS to get the stubborn senior on their radar. Then go.
Neanderthal only ate meat. When meat became scarce the ones who refused to also eat plant foods, died off. Adapt.
The OP's mother refuses to adapt to anything. Won't stop stuffing herself with cookies and getting bigger which makes her situation even worse. Won't "allow" her husband or anyone but her daughter to assist with her toileting needs. She refuses to even try out the wiping device her daughter bought for her. She's going to have a very hard time because her daughter needs to go home today.
I will always tell a senior that nothing will get them a one-way ticket to a nursing home faster than being stubborn.
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I would get some help for YOU. Seek a few counseling sessions with a Licensed Social Worker in private practice. They are great at helping you comb out life transitions with family concerns and with helping you to develop healthy boundaries for your own protection. Time to make this a New Year's Resolution. As Beatty says, "there will be no solutions so long as YOU are all the solutions." You cannot help others when you yourself are operating stressed and unhealthy. Seek help. My best wishes go out to you.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2023
This is a great idea. Money and time well spent!
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Get a bidet installed , and leave to live with your husband..

just say no….
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Leave your parents' place immediately. As in today. Get out of there right away.
Your mother says she would never have your father wipe her? Remind her that you are not the one who made a vow to her in sickness and in health. He is.
It really angers me when an entitled elder refuses to have anyone but a person of their choosing wipe their a$$, or change their diapers, or let in their house to help them. It makes me even angrier when I hear one proclaim that someone "can't" clean their crap or help them wash.
Here's the alternative, she stays in her own mess. She doesn't get washed up. The house doesn't get cleaned and the laundry doesn't get done.
You're not trapped. OnWhen your mother gets tired of smelling like sh*t and having an irritated backside, she will try the tool you bought her to help her wipe. Or she'll ask her husband for help. Or she'll start being more open-minded to allowing homecare aides to assist them both in the home.
My dear, you go home today. Cleaning can is not your life. GO HOME! Everything will be fine.
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It's OK if she's angry about it. You have every right to go back home to your hubby and take care of yourself. I would hire an aide to help with her bathroom issues. She doesn't have to like it but too bad. You call the shots on your own life and there is certainly no need for you to be there just to wipe her darn butt.
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I am giving you permission to go home. Tell Mom you need to return home for your check up. Do not say you will be back or promise anything. Be evasive when she asks when u plan on returning. Once you get home, then u can apologize and say looks like you can't make it back. If DH is willing to be the scape goat say that he wants you home. He is your husband and your #1 responsibility. As my daughter says "you made this monster".

You Dad is going to have to wipe your Mom. You may want to have a discussion with him that they need some help. That maybe its time for an AL? That your #1 responsibility is to your husband. As Dads #1 responsibility is to his wife.
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I haven’t read the replies so far, but I really hope you’re now packing your bags and heading home. Your parents plan for their increasing needs, and they will only increase, should never be only you. You’ve given them the illusion that they are independent when in truth they are not. Go home, let them see that they cannot continue as they are. And if mom refuses to wipe, so be it. She will quickly learn the consequences of that. Your presence is only prolonging her behavior. Start packing and go, no explaining or justifying needed
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It's difficult to have your mom angry at you, but you are the adult in this situation and it will keep happening. This is your mom now, not a child, but an elder who has become dependent on you. You have to make the decisions for what is best for her and you because of your own circumstances. You live too far away to be her everything and as the years go by she is going to have more of those everythings. You have to tell her that she needs someone else to help her. You may have to set up the help. This particular situation can be solved with a bidet, a specifically designed tool to reach her bottom, or your dad doing it, but the issues will most likely one by one add up to her needing outside help or assisted living. She won't like it. No one does. Realize, too, that anger is a cover for fear. She's afraid. With more information on how to get help and knowing you will only be able to help from a distance, she will eventually let the anger go and hopefully accept her situation. Remember, she is the one in need, not you. Is there any way she could get into rehab now, or is it too late to opt for that?
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maximus1 Jan 2023
Hi ArtistDaughter - She screamed and cried about going to a Rehab Hospital. We are having therapists come in. It’s so upsetting! Thank you for your concern!
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What do you do? You go home. So what if she is mad. Your dad is there. Just because she doesn't want him doing that doesn't mean you have to stay. She needs to figure out another solution. Problem is she just wants you as the solution. Be an adult and stand up for yourself. It is ok to say NO to your parents especially if you are 60 years old. Her issues are not yours to solve. Stop enabling her to do nothing.
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You said "When my wonderful husband told her Mom you need to start trying to become independent again like you were, she went crazy on him and told me go home to your husband. " It sounds more like your mom may think that you want to help her but your husband is manipulative to prevent you from helping her.

Sometimes, in-law's words and methods may not work well, the motivation could be viewed negatively.
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Maximus, we are not responsible for other people's reactions to our saying "no".

Neither are we responsible for other people's happiness.
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You've devoted your entire life and savings account to your parents and it's still not enough for your mother who wants you to wipe her butt after she defecates in the kitchen. Forever. Refuses to lose weight so she can do this herself, use the tool you purchased, refuses to ask her dh for help, screams like an infant about going to rehab to learn to do for herself, and you are asking an internet forum "what to do?"

Its too late to do anything else but continue devoting your life to a mentally unstable mother until she dies. Had you truly wanted help, you'd have gotten it long before you spent your savings on their mortgage or dragged your husband along to care for people who could have and should have been caring for themselves or paying for care in Assisted Living.

This level of enmeshed behavior is too much to be fixed, imo. It's too deep and ongoing for WAYYYY too long now.

Good luck to you and your poor dh and puppy.
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PeggySue2020 Jan 2023
I don’t see anything about her having given up her life to the point where it’s not fixable. She’s only been there through the holidays.

But, op, the holidays are over. Your husband has returned to work, and you need to go home to your man and your life.
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Maxi, just read your update.

Yes, you need to go home. Just go.

AND YES, you need to get professional help. You need to find a Mental Health Counselor or Social Worker in your area who you can meet with weekly.
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maximus1
1 min ago
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ANOTHER GUILT RANT FROM ME: WE WERE ALWAYS WITH MY PARENTS - EVERY WEEKEND, EVERY HOLIDAY EVERY TRIP, EVERY SICKNESS. WE CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH! I HAD BREAST CANCER - ONLY 3 YEARS IN REMISSION -I’M IN PAIN FROM MEDS AND HAVE EXTREME MENOPAUSE SYMPTOMS FROM THEM. I HAVE NEVER COMPLAINED AND ASKED FOR HELP. I’M ALSO SICK FROM A RESPIRATORY INFECTION AND SLEEPING ON A PULLOUT BED FOR 7 WEEKS. THERE IS NO DRAWER SPACE FOR MY CLOTHES BECAUSE THEY THREW OUT THE STORAGE BASKETS THEY WERE IN. I ALSO HAVE PTSD FROM AN ABUSIVE BROTHER. READ MY OTHER POSTS. I MISS MY HOME AND MY HUSBAND SO MUCH. I’M SO BORED TOO! MY MOM SAYS DON’T BE LONG WALKING MY PUPPY. SHE JUST BLAMED MY PUPPY FOR BARKING AT HER THERAPIST, BUT HER OWN DOG STARTED THE BARKING. SHE WANTS ME TO STAY HERE FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FOR MY DAD TOO. MY HUSBAND WHO SHE ADORES GOT IN TROUBLE FOR SAYING THAT YIOU HAVE TO START DOING THINGS FOR YOURSELF SO YOU CAN BE INDEPENDENT AGAIN. SHE REPLIED I’M SICK AND YOU'RE GOING ON AND ON. SHE TOLD ME TO GO HOME TO YOUR HUSBAND. SHE WOULD NEVER LEAVE HER HUSBAND, BUT SHE DID LEAVE HER MOTHER AND MOVED TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY. THAT WAS OK FOR HER. I SUPPORTED THEM AND LEFT MY NEW HUSBAND FOR WEEKS AT A TIME TO TRAVEL CROSS COUNTRY FINDING HOUSES FOR MY BROTHER TO LIVE IN. I THINK I DO NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. I JUST WANT TO GO HOME! P.S. MY DAD WAS AN AIRLINE PILOT FOR 30 YEARS. THEY TRAVELED SO MUCH AND DID WHAT THEY HAD TO DO. SHE LEFT HER MOTHER. MY HUSBAND AND I NEVER LEFT THEM ALONE WHEN WE TRAVELED. WE WANT OUR LIFE BACK! WE ARE IN OUR 60’s WITH NO KIDS AND WANT TO START TRAVELING AGAIN. THEY DID WHAT THEY HAD TO DO AT OUR AGE. MY DAD IS 95 AND IN EXCELLENT CONDITION. HE CAN CARE FOR MY MOM. THE ONLY REASON SHE WANTS ME TO STAY IS SO I CAN HELP WIPE HER! WE JUST DON’T WANT TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!
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sp19690 Jan 2023
For gods sake you are a 60 plus year old woman. Go home already.

Its not worth making yourself sick over your selfish, elderly parents.

This is a sick relationship you have with them. There's closeness but this is over and beyond that. It's ridiculous.

And yes you are being taken advantage of.
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Maxi, GO Home!!!!!!!!!!!
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