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The only problem here is that the hospital isn’t going to talk to all the siblings. And if there is HIPAA released signed or bi POA, the hospital advocate isn’t going to be able to do much for the siblings unless mom is able to sign a HIPAA release.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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CCmoe5790 Oct 18, 2020
Thanks, for your help❣ Sister 63 (2 years my jr.), still a patient, may be able to get better result with PA to visit Mom while she is @ the same hosp.
Mother now in acute care, since10/16) before determination of rehab. or conva-lescent care, as next move. This is when (based on my hospitalization experience -- 5 1/2 weeks in MICU, 1994 -- & 3 weeks in Acute Care).
When I see my sister, I plan to give her a card for Mom to give nurse (on her unit) to give to Mom. To let mom know . . . & ask her to sign HIPAA release & ask staff to let me see her.
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EVERYONE please go to the first answer from BarbBrooklyn to fill you in on the car accident that hurt Mom and the long history here of siblings not getting along before answering.
Yesterday Geaton posted an article from the Wall Street Journal about family mediation.
CCMoe, I think that perhaps the only answer for your entire family may be mediation with experts (if there IS any chance of answers for you all).
APFMnet.org (Academy of family mediators) is one site to check.
ACRnet.org (Assn for Conflict Resolution) is another to check.
Good luck. Check with a hospital Social Worker or Patient Advocate for updates, please on your Mom if you are able to get them. So sorry that this ACCIDENT happened to your Mom. It has to be absolutely dreadful for the sister giving her care to know she is so very critically ill due to an accident she was involved with, as it is difficult for all of you with your tormented history as a family.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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CCmoe5790 Oct 18, 2020
Thanks for your answer. I think it may be an attempt to be able to blame someone (just not sister (49) that caused accident) besides her. Sister (51), that is currently asserting complete/total control now, is a personal trainer/wanna be nurse and/or medical expert, instead of gym contract sales person that she really is. She wasn't in or at the accident -- but, jumped in (excited & with both feet).
I wasn't at or in accident, but have always spoken my mind & the factual truth & concern for the just thing to do. When my mom finds out how they have -- locked me & my sister (63), out any communication with her -- she will be furious. 63 year old sister is @ same the hosp. as mom, w/injuries: , has only 1 kidney-compromised; and has small intestinal blockage. Over-ontrolling sister (51) personal trainer, left vag of (63) sister -- left garbage bag of belongings from accident & didn't even see her. None of them have checked up on or called her, except eldest brother (67) stationed in Germany & me.
And my mom, when she convinced me to relocate to here in CT, said it's because we/they are family?!! Thanx again for your reply and suggestions.
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Yes, go to the hospital and speak to a SW or someone. I may take everyone with you. I think the Caregiver should have the right to info. And when Mom is more with it, you or one of the older children should get POA. If the two younger siblings have no POA and are not on HIPPA forms, then they have no right to info either. They also have no right to keep any of you away.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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CCmoe5790 Oct 18, 2020
Have phoned & left email to Patient Advocacy Office. Missed their call, from a rep., on Friday am. Have called back & slso left messages & emails re: any updates on Mom's condition and status changes. Thanx for your response.
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Try the hospital/rehab advocacy chain first, and then if you get no satisfaction, call a lawyer familiar with elder care.
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Reply to AnnReid
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CCmoe5790 Oct 18, 2020
Have contacted PA office. Although I cannot afford lawyer,I am a paralegal & researching subject, legal standing & options. It's not about any $$$ -- my mom doesn't have anymore than a meager life insurance (for her final arrangements) and an EBT card & the change at the bottom of her purse. I just want her to know that me & my 63 sister -- love her & care about her. We talked every day, and it makes me sick to think she would believe that I won't/haven't called/seen her by my choice. I miss her. But thank everyone for responding to ne with your helpful suggestions and input.
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Controlling vs. endangering are different things. If you don't believe she is acting in your mom's best interests then contact an attorney. If you think she is endangering, neglecting or abusing your mom the you need to call APS.
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Reply to Geaton777
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CCmoe5790 Oct 18, 2020
APS? -- not sure what office that is. Also, thank you for responding to ne with your helpful suggestions and input.
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Every hospital has a patient advocate's office. I encourage you and your siblings to contact them.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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CCmoe5790 Oct 18, 2020
Have already done so. Also, until I actually get to talk to somebody in PA's office, continue to call & email her condition and any changes. Also, thank you for responding to ne with your helpful suggestions and input.
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From her profile: About Me--About Me
The 65 year old disabled senior. Mom is 88 and was in a car accident where her youngest daughter (49) totaled the car. Both of my moms legs were broken, as well as her dominant arm. She's been in the ICU for 10 days. She's had 4-5 surgeries. My mom had 2 sets of kids with a 10 year break. My youngest sister (the one that was cited as responsible for the accident), 1st tried to get a POA -- since when someone is in her condition and on strong pain meds, luckily she was not allowed. She started exhibiting outrageous controlling behavior. When the older 3 siblings: my brother (67), me (65), and my sister (whose 63 & was also injured in this accident) strongly disagreed with the fact that her escalating behavior was unacceptable, she had the sister (51) take over getting info on my mom. I was on my moms list to speak to her nurses to know how she's doing; and was told at the switchboard that she wasn't there and the ICU Center she was in wasn't there. All of the older siblings have been shut out of access to her in all forms. They told the hospital staff that I was dangerous to her, that she would be so excited to see me -- that it would harm her.
Does anyone out there know what you can do in a situation like this occures. Any advice is appreciated ????? see less
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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I am so sorry, how did sister cause accident?
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Reply to FloridaDD
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CCmoe5790 Oct 18, 2020
She is a distracted driver (especially when her high OCD/high functioning autistic daughter (23)) is in the car, & that day she was -- (with 63 year old sister) who is still at same hosp.
She also (always) drives too fast & too close (police cited her, only her). 4 cars were damaged, as well. When I found out that she decided she wanted to have mom sign POA (naming her having POA for her) I told her that I knew hosp. Staff would not allow her to get/do this since she was in ICU. And I voiced my concern & disapproval & reminded her that there is the conflict of interest that she is the person responsible for vast/bad injuries. She's always been a ER junkie who hovers & go to the ER 3-7 times a month. I think she gets adulation & attention doing this. But, it is truly disturbing how wound up and excited she is.
When I voiced that concern, was when the sister 2 years older, took up the control and cut off all communication (vocal & w/nurses). Now, when I call the hosp., the switchboard says she & the ICU Unit don't exist.
Thanks for your response.
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