I'm 19 years old and am currently faced with the difficult position of caring for my Grandmother who was recently diagnosed with cancer. I and my brother (25) both live with my Grandmother - my Dad (her son) lives elsewhere with my step mum and two younger brothers. Things are hard at the moment as my Grandma is receiving chemotherapy and finds it very difficult to move and/or sleep - we have to help her with basic tasks such as going to the toilet/getting dressed and on particularly bad days she is very lucid and confused. My Dad does a lot still, but he is only here for perhaps an hour a day on most days due to his own work and family responsibilities, and so me and my brother are responsible for her care most of the time.
Me and my brother have no experience at all similar to dealing with this and I worry that we just aren't capable of providing the level of care she needs - yes we can help her move, we can clean out the commode and help her dress etc. but there's other considerations - or deal with the responsibility of providing this care. She recently fell out of bed and bust her nose in the middle of a particularly bad night (very lucid, disorientated etc.) and since answering her call for help that night I've found sleeping difficult as I'm so scared by the thought of not hearing her call if she needs help in future and thus her being in a similar situation alone all night.
I know it sounds selfish, and I almost hate myself for feeling this way, but recently I can't help finding myself miserable due to the responsibility of maintaining such a high level of 24/7 care. I work from home so it's often just me around during the day and it's slowly beginning to affect my work (taking 10 minutes out in the middle of a shift to help her is not something I can afford to do constantly) and any break I have is mainly filled with basic care; I'm also going to have to give up my social life from now on because going out and leaving her alone at night just isn't an option with how things are. I know I must sound like a horrible, selfish person - I really do love my Gran so much, and am forever grateful to be living under her roof, but I can't help but let these selfish concerns make me miserable.
Furthermore - I have suffered from depression for the past three years and whilst things have recently gotten better, I'm now struggling to keep happy and avoid sinking back into the low state I fought so hard to get out of (the shock of finding out, the burden of care, being confronted with mortality etc. - all weighing out my mind). I don't see how I can balance looking after myself with looking after my Gran. When I was at my lowest I was told to do whatever it takes to make myself happy, but I don't see my family feeling the same way if I moved out of my Grans or said I couldn't cope with the demands of caring for her right now (of course I would never just leave entirely - I want to help her as much as possible). I just really don't see how to cope in this situation and was hoping for some advice from others who are in a similar position or who have had similar experiences?
A further note (sorry to make this such a long read!) - We have utilised the care available so have a helper who comes briefly in the morning and the evening to help her wash/dress but even with this, the other 23 hours of the day are incredibly hard. For example, just had an incident now where I am the only one here and am unable to get her to the commode as her leg is bad and she can't move (doctor called, has arranged a scan of the leg tomorrow but until then we'll have to cope).
Thank you for any advice you can give :/