I live with and care for my 81 year old friend who has been physically ill for around 2 years. He had an emergency bowel obstruction resulting in a stoma bag, then suffered dehydration with kidney failure three times followed by a stoma reversal operation. Then he suffered a blocked catheter that caused urosepsis with septic shock. He refused treatment each time until doing so would have resulted in his death and it's been harrowing being unable to do anything when he so desperately needed treatment but wouldn't accept it. For example he suffered 3 months of severe sickness before he agreed to a Drs visit and she immediately diagnosed a bowel obstruction saying the vomit was faecal matter that was unable to go down, when a blood test, which thankfully he never refused, revealed he had dehydration with almost total kidney failure our GP rang telling me late Friday afternoon to call an ambulance but he refused to allow this saying there was no way he would get in it because he refused to go in hospital on the weekend. It took him an hour and a half to crawl up the stairs to bed and Saturday night he asked me to ring his son to lift him into bed as after an hour of trying he knew he was too weak to do so. Yet he still would not let us call the ambulance. By Sunday morning there was no output in his catheter bag and he then agreed! Each time I said I couldn't and wouldn't be put through it again but I've had no choice. Because I live here with him his family and I admit even I took it for granted I would care for him. But I had no idea things were going to get much much worse. He had been suffering memory problems for some time but then he started being aggressive and I realized his whole personality had changed, he became impossible to reason with and refused to shower, wash or change his clothes for weeks at a time (I'd been having problems with getting him to shower for some time but this then worsened) and his memory became so bad he forgets he's eaten dinner.
After researching dementia I realized its highly probable he has it. His family refuse to be involved with his care and I feel so alone and helpless. He refused his permission 4 times for a needs assessment before finally agreeing the 5th time and I also applied for a carers assessment. I have no idea when these will be but I'm terrified I'm pinning my hopes on receiving help for the tunnel light to be yet again extinguished. Before he became ill he was my carer, replacing my CPN. I am mentally disabled with many physical and mental problems of my own, I have adult Attention Deficit Disorder, had 4 psychotic breakdowns from 1981 to 2002 and both my physical and mental health have deteriorated in my endeavour to care for my friend and I cannot cope with his aggression that can only be described as abusive behaviour towards me. I am asthmatic but he refuses to stop smoking in the house, I smoked myself for 44 years but 3 months before my asthma was diagnosed I quit as I have a hiatus hernia and smoke aggravates the heartburn this causes but he refuses to believe his smoking also aggravates this. I have lived here for 12 years, 10 of which have been the happiest of my life. He offered me to move in with him as I wasn't coping living on my own. Moving out is not an answer and I can't really see there is an answer which makes me feel so scared. Any advice welcome.