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She chews a couple of times then sits with her head down. She belches constantly and chews with her mouth open wipes her nose with her hand. We are tired of constantly asking her to sit up,chew,take a bite,use her hankie, close her mouth. Is it wrong if we put her at a table by herself in another room for meals?

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I get it, it is hard to deal with, Dad eats with us every night when he is home. Mom used to put our manners in check while we were growing up. Dad has since let his lapse. He does the open mouth thing, eats too fast, spills food (the dogs love it) talks while he is eating and opinions on every subject of our conversation so we don't talk much at dinner. He does not have any issues that would be a physical, mental issues just lazy. It drives my wife and I crazy but we live with it, it is just 20 minutes out of my day so I live with it. I would rather be bugged than dad eating by himself. If dad changes for the worse we will try feeding him earlier and let him still be at the table with us.
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Feeding her first is a good option, has she had an assessment by her doctor and a speech pathologist? If not, maybe she needs one she could be having some chewing or swallowing issues. It's not wrong to want a nice dining experience. You don't say if your mom has dementia or not, but dementia can cause some anti-social behaviors when it comes to meal time. If she's having swallowing issues, I would worry about chocking issues if she were alone. Maybe you can assist mom by feeding her, but don't force her to eat faster, use gentle reminders to chew and swallow. If you feed her first then she has someone with her while she is eating and you and your family can enjoy your dinner without inappropriate behaviors. If mom has dementia, she's unable to sit up, chew her food correctly with her mouth shut or eat faster.
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this is Marilyn 48. I have walked the walk and talked the talk. I cared for my bedridden blind mother for 2yrs1 Ive done it all. I also work with dementia and Alzheimer patients. It is wrong to put them alone while eating.
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Have you tried a different approach to her food? Can she still drink with a straw? If so, I'd try different kinds of smoothies for when she eats with the family, so no chewing is involved. When she puts her head down, is she continuing to chew/eat or just stopping?

I haven't experienced this, but I can imagine how difficult it is for you and your family. My mom just eats very slowly and that alone drives me nuts when I'm eating with her. Big hugs to you.
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Minipooh. I don't think you are wrong to be able to enjoy your meals with your family. Mom might actually prefer to eat alone and not be constantly nagged, even if she can't remember what she was told from one minute to the next. She may not understand but can still can sense the negative emotions. As long as you feel it is safe either feed her early and let her vegetate in her chair while the family eats. Give her food on a tray in her favorite chair somewhere that you can frequently check on her and hear if she begins to choke. No situation is perfect. you just have to do the best you can and not turn the whole family against Mom, that is not fair to anyone.
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thank you very much for your opinion and your support cpegaso.
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It is easy to condemn when you do not live the life. Marilyn48, are you an only by the book social worker? When you listen to that every day, every meal, trying to watch TV, listen to a radio or even a conversation with someone else, raw nerves become prevalent to the point of breaking. Live the life, 24/7 7days a week and then judge. 24hr care at a facility will probably be in the cards and should be if the patience of Job is not your forte. I am sure even Job had a breaking point. Embarrassment has never been lethal, but has sometimes caused lethal measures. When ever all steps have been taken and the end of your rope has been reached it is time for alternate measures for the good for all. Been there done that is a very strong affidavit. It's not as if Minipooh was locking her in a room. This is a support site not a excessive criticism dumping ground. Minipooh hang in there.
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No, its not wrong. Many family members just cannot deal with this, and ruining everyone's meal is foolish and selfish. Make mom's meals ahead of everyone else, ensure that she is able to chew and swallow by assisting her while eating, and have your family meal at another time when you can enjoy it. You, too, need that kind of family time away from the person you're caring for.
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Yes its wrong. would u want to be stuck alone in a room without interaction. as a child did she banish u to the other room when u didn't know how to eat ?
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sunnygirl she has already been checked for swallowing and have talked to dr. Have worked in assisted living and nursing home for about 15 years and have read numerous book on dementia and alzheimers.
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Feed her first, and the rest of the family later, or offer her dinner in her favorite chair with the TV on. I did have to feed my sister separately, because the loud smacking and slurping killed my family's appetite.
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I would be more concerned with her safety if she is not able to properly chew and swallow her food. I would speak with her doctor about it and I would have her accessed for Swallowing to determine she is able to do it immediately. She could aspirate into her lungs and suffer significantly from pneumonia.

Her table manners may not be what they used to be, but that is through no fault of her own. She's mentally not able to recall those manners and reminding her is likely not going to make any difference. I would read here and other places about dementia and the way it causes the person to lose their abilities.

IMO, you need to watch your mom eat so you can determine her competency at it, assuming she passes the swallowing test that is administered by the professional. Manners wouldn't be high on my priority list.
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