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Yesterday was a really bad day for my mom slept most of the day when it came time for dinner could hardly get up tried to go to the bathroom sat on the toliet forgotton to lift her robe and nightgown up sat down couldnt eat just stared into space shes been battling dementia for abut two years and each day just gets worse its getting harder to watch the decline the woman I knew is gone and I have to ask why is this still going on shes 97 and has had a great life so why does she and everyone else have to keep going on like this things are only going to get worse each day .

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I can definately relate to you, and feel the same way. Mom is 82, blind, has alcoholism and dementia. since my dad passed 3 years ago, she only wants to die and it is so hard to watch her suffer (and slowly kill herself) with no hope of any future. My mother has a dnr- comfort care only, but other than the alcohol inducedbleeding that is slowly killing her, she is as healthy as a horse (physically). So we watch her suffer every day and I know how much it hurts, and also know how guilty it can feel to wish it were over. I wish I had better words for you, but I can send my understanding and a big hug!
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Hi Robert, Palliative care is comfort care for those going through treatments. You may be interested in this article:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/Palliative-Care-What-Is-It-and-How-Is-It-Different-from-Hospice-197744.htm

It's a great program!
Carol
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What is palliative care
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Please check with your doctor, Robert. This is definitely a medical emergency. If you need someone to help, a clergy member or counselor might be a good call.
We are thinking of you,
Carol
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Robert I think you have to ask your doctor that question. No one here is a medical expert. I am sorry you have this - it is a very serious condition.
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Right where you just posted the question. :)
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Where do you post answers
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How long can I live without dialysis stage 4 kidney failure
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hey, funnierthanme, it sounds like the catheter is clogged
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be with the tylenol pm it has been shown to make them more confused they put mom on risperdone and it really helped with the confusion my mom was confused and it allmost stopped it your husband doesnt want to put her else were? it is very hard on you to go on this way my mom had a stroke and is now in a nh for therphy when shes able to get out were looking into a boarding home havent seen any yet but they have their own room can bring their belongings and six patients for two caregivers sounds rheally good but havent seen any yet and around 3000.00 a month so we will see take care of your self I know how bad it can be
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I had anothe bad night with MIL last night. MIL woke me up seven times and got me out of bed five of those. Two were potty and were unsuccessful trips, but her bladder is doing spasms and nothing is entering the urine pouch and it's coming out into the Depends and overflowing into the bed and blankets and her gown instead. I had to do complete changes twice.

She wanted the remote control for her TV so she could turn it off. It was already off and when I told her that while touching her, she hit me and told me to get out of her room.

Another trip she told my husband a radio was on in the kitchen. When he told her there wasn't, she told him I must have turned it off before he got up. She talked in her sleep all night and thought there were lots of people in her room. She turned her lamp on and off many times so all these people could get out. She yelled at my grandson and I never did find out why.

Somebody tell me if you've ever experienced a loved one talking in their sleep and being so loud they could wake up the dead. She didn't stop at one or two episodes of this. It went on all night long.

My husband says he's going to give her a sleeping pill tonight. She doesn't have one prescribed, but he thinks Tylenol PM should do the trick.
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I have FIL with AZ and will watch him continue to decline. As for "wanting it over", no you are normal. I just finished reading on Death and Dying, you are totally normal. You want her suffering to end. That is humane. As someone posted previously, we would never want to see our aging pets suffer either.
She must have an amazing constitution...
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my mom the same way except we vist everyday she doesnt want to go to anything either and wants to stay in her room if I miss a day its the end of the worldnever to be forgotton even at home she wants to stay in the room and watch movies I was trying to arrange adlut day care then she got a stroke so now if she does come home she will be stuck in her room
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my mom is in a nursing home for a few weeks she had a stroke and is their to get theraphy so she may regain some of her left side. Saturday when we visted she was fine starting to move her arm and have some feeling in her foot sunday was a different story she was asleep then woke up said she hated it their and had to get out I dont know what to do with her she has to get theraphy we are not able to bring her home because she is paralized on the left side and we can not take care of her due to our on illnesses right now she would not speak to us yesterday I know shes mad but what should I do shes been their three times before for therphy and then comes back home.if I dont bring her home she will be very angry if I do I wont be able to take care of her and really dont have to room or desire for another person to live in our home we allready have to much
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Krusso again - I should also add my mom has mild dementia. Nobody else knows this, but when she got "the runs" in July 2011 she, (sigh)put her soiled underwear in the washer but FORGOT to run the machine...in other words, after she entered the hospital, Richard (hubby)& I opened the washer & discovered her soiled undergaraments, I keep asking myself, "is that normal thinking"?
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I'm in the same situation w/my 93yo mom - she's in a nursing home, though, & is coherent, lucid, etc., but wants me to visit 3a times/wk & I usually stay an hour -problem is she never wants to go to bingo, ice cream socials, that kind of thing, just wants to stay in that damn room! I'm getting burned out & also sometimes wish this would end. I'm tearing up so gotta go...love to all
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Death of a loved one becomes bittersweet when they have gone through a period of suffering that will only end with death. No, it is not wrong or evil to wish the suffering would end. It is actually realistic and compassionate. When anyone ever says something like "What can I do to help?" or "Let me know if you need anything.", speak right up and say, "Oh, thank you. I need a break so badly. Would you sit with Mom next Thursday afternoon (or Saturday, if they work), so I can get away for a while. Don't wait for immediate family to ask.You TELL them that you need some help or a break and ask them to share in the responsibilities (or pay for some senior home care services to give you a break). Check with your area senior citizen centers to see if they have a program with volunteers who will sit with patients to give family some relief. If your mom is not under hospice care you might consider getting her into a hospice program, if possible, Hospice will provide most disposable products and save you from some of that cost, as well as many hospice companies have volunteers who will sit with some of the company's patients. If your mom or father was a vet, see if there is a Twilight Brigade chapter in your area. They might be able to offer some respite relief.
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Snugle, I pray like you, that God will give me an understanding of why this is happening, and I wonder why she is going through such a crappy end of life period. She's having a real hard time leaving this world. I asked my daughter why God didn't just go ahead and take her. She said "God doesn't want her either". But why do I have do go through such an incredible period with her. I'm sure I will have a crappy end of life period myself. That will be a double whammy for me.

I have a picture of my Mama here when she was about 38 and she was drop-dead beautiful. I finally got the nerve to put it up next to the one he has up of his mother and dad. No doubt his mom was pretty when she was younger, but mine runs circles around her. I should have displayed it 49 years ago. I didn't because I was mad at her because she was an alcoholic. I wish I could have understood that better then and I wish it was my Mom I was caring for instead of his. I don't think I would have the ill feelings I do I about caregiving if it was her lying there. I'll never get the chance to know. She died over 30 years ago.

God bless you all that are caing for your loved ones. I'm only caring for my loved one's loved one and it's not easy. For instance, after her second potty trip this morning, I thought I was clear to clean up the yard of dog poop, but here comes hubby yelling "Mom needs you for potty", in just a little while, she needed me for trip number four. When she told me her butt was burning, I told her I would give her some cream to put on it, but she said she wanted me to do it. I said I would give her the cream and she can do it herself. She knows where her asshole is. She can reach it to wipe it, she can reach it to put cream on it. I gave her the cream and watched her do it and pulled her Depends up again.

I have to go check her Depends again in a minute. She peed the last one full even though she has a catheter. The nurse says it is caused by a bladder spasm. It forces urine out no matter how sealed the catheter fits. We sure go through a lot of Depends.
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I love Mom so very much! My Mom is not quite at the age yours is, but has been fighting dementia for several years now. She barely knows who she is, she doesn't recognize my Dad--but knows who he is when he tells her, and doesn't remember us kids except as youngsters. She doesn't know where she is, if it is day or night, and sleeps most of her days away. She doesn't even know where home is now--with her parents or with my Dad--but asks to go home every day. I know that it will hurt all of us so much when she passes, more than I can even understand right now. She has been in a nursing home for 3 months now--a very difficult decision for my Dad to make, but necessary for his health. I agree with the remarks about quantity of life and quality of life. Her quality of life is non-existent. Do I want her to have years and years of living in a vacuum? No, I don't. Her health has been poor for 25 years and is getting worse--that is not a good quality of life point either. It isn't wrong to want your loved one's suffering to end. I want Mom to be really, truly happy and lively again--not just here, among the living. The only thing that I can do to help myself with this issue right now is to pray for good to come from this stage in her life, if not for her, for someone that encounters our family at this time. And I pray for God to give me an understanding of why this is happening. I may not have a "this is why" answer anytime soon, but I will accept an "I will explain this to you later, in my time" answer. My thoughts are with you.
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found a lady that does advovate for seniorstalk to her she came and met mom so we decided mom will stay in NH for thre weeks and then move to a board and care she wwill have her own room with her things and their are 2 c aregivers for every six patients much better enviorment and better care for the price thanks
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Sometimes, in hospice, they will give just medication that make someone comfortable even if they sleep all the time, and they are most definitley allowed to only eat or drink what they feel like. You do NOT have to take steps to keep someone alive as long as possible if all that is accomplishing is making them more uncomfortable or increasing suffering. On the other hand, sometimes meds like B12 or even Parkinson meds help someone feel or function better - even if that's just being able to wake up, look around, feed themselves or eat a little, and I had to ask my Mom's hospice to conitue some things like that for her. In this setting it should be all about quality and not about prolonging life without enhacning any quality at all.
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When we used the services for our grandparents, we worked out a flat rate and paid quarterly for a good price break, so what we would have paid for one month covered us for almost three months at a time. You could call and speak to, or leave a message for Olivia Newsom at (866) 524-9903 a lady I still keep in contact with that is related to the RN business owners and you can talk to them direct to see if you would be able to work out something. All the best!
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not a bad idea but called the agency 24/7 caregiver is 240 a day souunds good times by 30 not so goot 7,200 per month plus apartment talking to a senor advocate about placement feel so quilty when I look at her just thinking about it
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All the best my dear! If getting an apartment close to your home is an option where you can have your mom housed with a Live-in care giver, one of the Assisted Living places I know also has Live-in caregiving services, and do send Live-in care givers to any City or State for 24/7/365 care. I can post info on your wall if would be useful. Let me know...thanks!
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Trying to find an soulution that everyone is comfortable with bringing her home is what she would want finding a caregiver thats right is another problem with our health issues i know I cant do it alone so have to move forward and figure it out she will be in rehab a least a month which gives me some time to find a soulution Thanks everyone for the well wishes they are needed
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Ah my dear, nothing wrong - it's just that you care so much about her, and hard to see what she is going through.

Nothing to be done, but continue to be there for her - and if you do not already have some paid caregivers to help, I would suggest you try to schedule some in, as it is harder from moment-to-moment as you deal with declines of loved ones, because you are also going through saying a long goodbye.

Hang in there! We are all here for you any time!!
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(((((((((((((trunner0))))))))))))))))) - sounds like your mum's health is moving you all towards a solution. and that you need to see what resources are available for her care. Recovery is harder at such an advanced age. My mother is 100, and she recovered much faster when she was in her 80s than she does from anything now. It is to be exxpected.((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) and prayers for it all to work out the best it can.
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mom is going in a NH for rehab for a few weeks I doubt she will recover she is beginning to beome very confused again I am going to call a senior advocate to see what we can afford to do . I think I would probably sell the house and downsize she has an annuity which she gets 3500.00 a month from not sure if we could take that money out for her care theirs around 200.000 thousand in it have to talk to an attorey praying for the best moms also 97 which makes recovery a lot harder and is getting weaker every day
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Tough situation, if she wants to come home you could hire someone to help you. She will come home with a PT, nurse and OTfor several weeks no doubt, or they will put her in a rehab, in which she would not like I am sure. She could recover, my Mom had her stroke over 2 years ago. We use a hoyer to lift Mom, or I would have to change her in bed. You can get a reverse mortgage on her house but there are loopholes to that too. If she goes into a NH, she will lose her house because they will put a lein on it for her care, at least they do that in some States. Hang in there, whatever happens, take it slow, dont stress and think of what you can do to make everyone happy and healthy. You will be okay. my heart also goes out to you and to your Mom.
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((((((((((((((((((((((trunner0)))))))))))))))) I am so very sorry for the position you and your family are in. I don't pretend top have any solutions for you, but please don't take on so much that you ruin your own health. Parkinson's is serious enough on its own. Prayers for you to figure your way through this. As you say, you never know what life will hand you. . more ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) my heart goes out to you - Joan
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