Is it wrong to give someone false hope?

Question

Is it wrong to give someone false hope?

Follow

Share

41 Answers

Check on adjusting the medications. My MIL is 87 and still independent and living at home but right after her daughter died MIL told me she had a thought just pop into her head while watering flowers at home, "I want to go home". She said this was a strong feeling and came out of nowhere....I know she deeply misses the past, her sisters and husband have all died and now her daughter. Sometimes people say they want to be with their deceased loved ones, or definitely wish they could go back to the past.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

One more thing: YES to the correct meds. My mom mad e a huge recovery on the right meds and she was most certainly not "out of it." She still beat me at cards!!!!!!!!!! Without mercy!!!!!

Helpful Answer (8)

Report

No, it is not wrong.

I remember so clearly t he day I realized that I needed to simply appease my mother--not be candid or "honest." My mom would not remember anything I said for five minutes. So, why break bad news over and over?

You appease. That is not false hope in this situation. It is kindness. As a friend of mine recently said, with dementia, all the rules change.

Good luck and big hug!

Helpful Answer (12)

Report

Going home may also mean that she wants to be in a place with her other loved ones that have gone before her, maybe your dad. Hope is what keeps us all going...for a better time and place. Taking her to a geriatric psychiatrist is someone who can help her. Maybe she needs her meds adjusted or placed on a mild antidepressant. Maybe when she asks to go home, you can say that you understand . God bless her and you. You are doing a great job by just even visiting because it shows her that you love and care for her. The best to you and your mom. Hang in there...things will get better. And when all is said and done, you will have no regrets because you did all you could.

Helpful Answer (9)

Report

Marcia7321 - you are right - I love Teepa Snow and she is so good with this stuff. I forgot about that issue of 'going home'. How true it is. When my mom fell and broke her hip, she was in a facility for 40 days - she wanted to come home then as well, obviously. When we got her home, she started asking me about 'going home - this isn't home'.....Thanks much for the reminder.

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

Thanks, all. We take mom to a psychiatric geriatrician regularly. I will check with the doctor and see if they can alter any meds. I hate to have mom drugged to the point that she is 'out of it', but I also can't stand for her to be crying all the time. I was/am afraid that by my telling her 'soon', it may be causing her anxiety to increase instead of help. Much appreciate your opinions.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

Teepa Snow has said that when someone with dementia asks to go home, they are often asking to go to a place in their lives where they knew where they were and when they had a purpose. They sometimes ask to "go home" when they are in their own houses. I don't think answering honestly is going to help. Good advice from other posters.

Helpful Answer (12)

Report

My mom never asked to go home. But over the course of 4 years with vascular dementia, her agitation would increase every few months and her psych meds would need to be upped to keep her calm.

Definitely get a behavioral health specialist to see her.

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

If her crying and requests to be taken home are increasing then maybe she needs to have her medications readjusted. It is possible that her vascular dementia has become worse and that her current medications are not as effective as they used to be.

I know that it is hard for you to hear your Mom asking to be taken home. My Mom used to cry every time I visited or every time we talked on the telephone. It tore my heart out to hear her cry:( The Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner put Mom on some antidepressants and other mood stabilizing medications and that has helped a lot. Now Mom cries occasionally when I visit and rarely when I talk to her on the phone.

I suggest that you seek some counseling to help you cope with your Mom's health problems and the stress of this situation. Take care of yourself. God Bless!

Helpful Answer (18)

Report

Dear DanaLee,

You are very loving and caring daughter. Honestly, I would do the same thing. I would hate to see my mother so distressed. Have you talked to her doctor? Can they change her medications? Counselling? Change in diet? I know its not easy. I know you are only trying to comfort her by saying she will go home soon.

I'm know others with more experience will give more insight.

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

Hang in there Dana, Someone who has more experience will be here to give you some knowledgeable advice. May God bless you.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

1 2

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Is it wrong to give someone false hope?

41 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions