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My resilience has faded over the last 5 years of caregiving. So, in 2016 I put mother into assisted living, & now am decreasing visits. Lately, I cry almost every morning😢, & have had angry outbursts. The Dr is pushing lexapro, but I'm afraid of chemicals that alter the brain. I wish I had the motivation to just get a simple job. (The coffee shop I worked at last year closed down). Is 61 too old to work in fast food? Please help me get unstuck. I love you all for caring enough to answer.💞

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At Costco they have this all natural product called Natrol brand 5-HTP Plus and it puts you in a nice mood and relaxation. It is like $14.99 for 150 tablets 100mg keeps you mellow throughout the day and still keep up with the caregiving duties.
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Thanks☺, I'm trying to get go off the lexapro now, (cuz it causes me to feel nothing (for anyone). Also had a creepy dream that was WAY too vivid. Although 5htp was great for me years ago, I had a bad reaction to it last year. As I got older, I've gotten sensitive to most supplements. I wish I had a better report for everyone, & I learned so much from all the replies!☺. Thank you all for the wisdom shared🙋✌.
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I started taking Lexapro when I was crying everyday. My Mom is still in my care. At the time, we didn't have any aides and it was too much for my husband and I. We are all in a better place now. I'm a born cryer so this added life situation was too much for me. I understand the 'dead inside' comment ;-) but I also love being able to talk about my Mom without bawling. I have forgotten to take the meds sometimes and eventually realize that I'm having trouble focusing and having vivid dreams. Or I start to tear up and realize I've missed 3 or 4 days. Nothing too crazy but not trivial either. I did tai chi once, it is extremely calming. I think meditation would also work. All the job ideas I read are good ones. Also, you might be able to be a school bus helper. You have to be able to assist a child in and out of the back door of a bus in an emergency. It's low tech, gets you around youth and energy and is helpful :-) Good luck.
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Thank you☺, I know what you mean about skipping some doses, (noticeable sadness). Also, I have been using YouTube qigong videos, (a guy named Jeff, he's so pleasant)! That was very helpful about the bus aide idea, (but have to ask them if I can apply even with lifting restrictions). They are very short staffed around here, it seems there is a serious shortage of drivers especially. God bless you,✌🙋.
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There is no harm in working fast food.
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Thanks☺, I think I worry that I'm not going to be "fast enough" for fast food, lol. (It got awfully busy during peak hours, at my last job, & I had trouble keeping up). But they liked that I was a very hard worker & more dependable. It can't hurt to try✌🙋.
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Great advice Isthisrealyreal. I think that would be great Tiger.
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Tiger,

You say you loved being a mom and it gave you purpose.

Have you thought about becoming a foster mom, you could even take siblings to keep them together.

You would be able to relate to their situation and help them find the path to becoming a productive, responsible, loving adult. There is nothing like been there, done that to understand the trauma these kids are trying to overcome.

You do get paid for caring for foster kids and they get insurance, clothes allowance etc.

Just a thought about something that has tremendous purpose and helps some very needy youngsters.

Do you feel better cutting the dose in half? If not it is time for a change.

Hugs 2 u my sister in Christ!
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People hate them, I love them, but both Starbucks and Walmart hire older people. So it's not too old to work in a coffee shop. Starbucks in particular is very nice to their employees. Many older people work there just enough to get health insurance.

Personally I'm staring at my future after all this is done and I'm envisioning working at Walmart. I hope I can at least get stationed in electronics. My profession is enough years in the past that I would basically have to start anew. Considering that it was always a profession for the young, when I was in my 20's the "old guys" were in their 30's, I don't see me being picked over a 20 something. So Walmart it is. Fingers crossed.
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
That's a great outlook! And thanks for the tip on Starbucks, (it's good to know that they treat employees well, & that older folks do work there). I have one 2 mi from my house, & have never been there! But will investigate it soon☺. Thanks for the encouraging reply.🙋
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I am 92 years old. When I was 68 my wife was diagnosed with dementia. For the next 10 years I was her caregiver at home until she passed. I know first-hand what you are going through. What literally saved my sanity was meditation. It is very easy to do but very difficult to manage. There are times you feel you are failing, it is not working, it is a waste of time, and you want to quit but if you continue it will make your life so much easier. I meditate each morning for 20 minutes before I leave the bedroom. For me it was and is a life saver. It relieved the stress, comforted me, calmed me down and made me a better person. Below is the website I used to teach me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lkb1YWEPCxw
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Thank you for that idea☺. I like to use prayer to immerse myself in God's love & forgiveness every day. (I certainly don't deserve it, but it's the gift of God through the sacrificial death of His Son Jesus). Free forgiveness to anyone who believes on Christ. I'd be lost without Him.☺✌🙋
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How about an exercise program based on a modest goal? Some early morning walking to clear your mind. Maybe walking laps in an indoor gym or taking an exercise class. Meet new people with positive lifestyle goals? Get ready for that new job by checking out books and magazines at the library on how to prepare for a job interview.
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Thank you, I do need to exercise very badly. Most of my life I walked, lifted weight at home, or had a gym membership. Even my jobs were all highly active & fast paced. But I feel really stuck since last year, & can't explain why I'm doing hardly any exercize now. Its a mystery to me, but I appreciate all the good ideas. ✌💞🙋
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Why don't you volunteer at your church? Or meals-on-wheels, at your public library reading to kids, teaching someone to read. I think if you give your service to a organization or just to one person it would help with the restlessness you might be feeling and the loningness. It will also give you a different perspective on your life and what you want.

Something tells me you would be good at it.
Remember we think we are stuck or lost, but God knows right were we are and He always has a plan for us.
Just a thought!

God bless you
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Such a great word! Thank you☺, I agree. Last week I went to "growth group" at church, & it was ok. I don't know why socializing scares me, but I've never been good at it. Probably cuz we didn't have a secure childhood. My mother's mental issues caused fights with our neighbors & trouble at my school. We were isolated, & bullied a lot. (But I'm sure others have had a harder life than I). We're all just working with what we have.✌thanks to all💞🙋
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YOU SHOULD DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY TO HELP YOU ADDRESS YOUR SITUATION. ONE OPTION MAY BE TO SEE A COULSELOR WITH WHOM YOU CAN TALK FREELY AND PERHAPS DEVELOP SOME COPING MECHANISMS FOR YOUR SITUATION. WE ARE A DRUG CRAZY SOCIETY THAT LOOKS AT DRUGS FIRST RATHER THAN LAST OPTION ALTHO IN SOME SITUATIONS THEY CAN BE A GOOD-PERHAPS TEMPORARY - RESOLUTION WHILE YOU WORK THROUGH OTHE ROPTIONS. GETTING A JOB OR PERHAPS VOLUNTEER CAN BE A GOOD WAY TO HELP OCCUPY YOUR TIME AND MIND. FAST FOOD WORK IS FINE IF THAT WORKS FOR YOU, BUT DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO LIMIT YOUR OPTIONS.
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Very true, I did have other options, & can't explain why I didn't make a better effort. Probably got tired of working with rude people, & coming home to an empty house. (Just sayin'). But I'm very thankful that I see my kids weekly, I have good health, & a church to attend. I'm making the best of aging alone. &Thanks to everyone here, its less lonely🌸🌷🙋✌.
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Tiger,
I'm 61 also and had tried Cymbalta (duloxetine) for depression and anxiety about 2 years ago. (I want to mention that Lexapro and Cymbalta belong to 2 different drug classes: Lexipro is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI) and Cymbalta is a selective serotonin AND norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRI), so I can't compare them to each other. However, they have similar side effects.
The thing that made me nervous was that I would have to take it for about a year then be WEANED off of it over 6 months! People have reported very severe side effects (called brain zaps-electrical shocks in the brain) when stopping taking antidepressants.

I didn't like the way it made me feel-or should I say "not" feel-I felt devoid of any emotion. I became a zombie. I wasn't anxious or depressed but I felt nothing. That scared me and I only took it for 3 days. Fortunately, I slowly got better with no meds.

Here's some info on Lexipro from Drugs.com;
Lexapro (escitalopram) is an antidepressant in a group of drugs called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Escitalopram affects chemicals in the brain that may be unbalanced in people with depression or anxiety.
Lexapro is used to treat anxiety in adults.

Common Lexapro side effects may include:
dizziness, drowsiness, weakness; sweating, feeling shaky or anxious, sleep problems (insomnia), dry mouth, loss of appetite, nausea, constipation, yawning,
weight changes, or decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm.
To make sure Lexapro is safe for you, tell your doctor if you have ever had:
liver or kidney disease, seizures, low levels of sodium in your blood, heart disease, high blood pressure, a stroke, a bleeding or blood clotting disorder, bipolar disorder (manic depression), drug addiction or suicidal thoughts.

You should not use Lexapro if you are allergic to escitalopram or citalopram (Celexa), or if you also take pimozide.

Seek medical attention right away if you have symptoms of "serotonin syndrome", such as agitation, hallucinations, fever, sweating, shivering, fast heart rate, muscle stiffness, twitching, loss of coordination, nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea.

Do not stop using Lexapro suddenly, or you could have unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. Follow your doctor's instructions about tapering your dose.

Please look up this medication thoroughly before you start taking it. There are lots of good websites for checking meds.
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anonymous444729 Oct 2018
very true on the lexapro. My son was prescribed this at 22 yrs old. It made him very sleepy. after a month the Dr doubled the dose. Said it wasnt high enough dose to help. He slept more. He hated the way it made him feel. After 5 months he literally threw the bottle into the river. His withdrawals were horrible. He broke almost every single thing he had the first 2 days. He threw things. He seriously was out of control for 2-3 days - I took him to the ER because I was scared he may hurt himself. I guess agitation was an understatement. I have to say I am very glad he made it through this. It has been 8 years or more since then- No one mentioned the severe side effects to him of stopping suddenly- I don't think it was too well known yet but he still talks about how awful that drug and stopping was
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And keep in mind, while Lexapro works for some, for others, it does not, and you may need something different, ie. Zoloft or one of the others. I was once placed on buspar and it made me feel like a zombie... yet I noted someone else on this forum said it works great for her.
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Tiger, I'm curious what kind of better response you thought the doctor might have/could have had?

Are you thinking that the Lexapro is causing your anxiety and panic? It seems much more likely that as your depression lifts, you've got the energy to be panicked! Do you think perhaps you need a short term anti anxiety med while you're getting to the full therapeutic effect of the Lexapro? Do you think you could call the doctor up and discuss that? And discuss the idea of cutting the dose in half?

Are you also getting talk therapy? Antidepressants work best when used in conjunction with talk therapy.
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Yes, I was hoping that the Dr would respond with a suggestion to help me with the anxiety side effect, especially cuz he knows that I recently quit benzos. But I went ahead & cut my dose in half myself.
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Tiger55- I am in such awe of you! I have worked in the mental health and crisis intervention field for 15 years, so I am biased about medication. It will help some, and others prefer to find other ways of coping. Whatever you decide is your choice and you should feel supported :) Personally, I don't feel any remorse for taking medication when it was a difficult time (after my dad died when I was 27)...and again when I had to put my mom in ALF. I don't feel numb, and I feel that it just helped me get through the day. I eat right, have support, and exercise too. Perhaps talk to your doc about other alternatives to Lexapro? Good luck with everything and just remember... you are strong :) xo.
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Thats so encouraging, thank you ✌🙋💞.
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Karenfallon, I'm so envious that you can actually get AN hour a day to exercise! You are very lucky. :) I work 60 hours a week and also take care of Mom. Please enjoy this freedom that you have. Most of us do not. :(
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HI Tiger,

You do what you need to do to get back into your life.

Medication taken with an entree and exit plan, even if it is years is okay.

Sometimes we need a boost to even get dressed everyday, let alone go find a job, do classes or other things.

You know what you need and you are putting your trust in The Lord, so don't worry. You got this lady!

Let us know how you are feeling on the meds, are they working?

Hugs🤗
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Hi friends, I started to feel agitated & panic after 2wks on the lexapro, but my Dr just said to give it one more week. I wanted to quit taking it, but instead I may cut the dose in half. I think the Dr should have had a better response for me, but that's how it is. Thanks for❤caring.
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Tiger55: there is an alternative treatment program available at KUMC's, Turning Point, headquarters based in Leawood, KS, with satlite location all over the region.

I use the knitting and T'ai Chi classes to help deal with, being, both patient & self directed caregiver.

Call: (913) 574-0900

I recommend the T'ai Chi classes.

Good luck!
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Thank you☺, I do know how to knit a little, & there's a tia chi class at my senior center that I could try.
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61 is not too old to work anywhere you want to.
If working is for the feeling it gives you and not so much the money then if you can not find a job VOLUNTEER! There are plenty of opportunities for volunteering.
Animal shelters that need dogs walked, play with the cats and yes clean a few litter boxes and pick up poop ..but we have been doing that for a while right!?
This time of year many places will be hiring for the holidays so now is the prefect time to apply.
And there is nothing wrong taking a medication that will help you get over this "hump". It is wrong when you decide to do nothing to change, nothing to make your life better. It is wrong to expect the drugs to do all the work. You have to get inside your head and sort things out.
If you need to talk to someone along with the medication then that is what you have to do. And talking to someone may be a 1 time deal or it might be 1 time a week for a while or 1 time a month. They talk about space and the sea being unexplored what about the human mind and all the stuff, both good and bad, we have going on up there.
Be well, take care of you now.
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It’s pretty clear by the replies about hurting feelings that we could use some codependency updates. Healthy giving is what that is all about. Since care taking is the topic. The more unhealthy giving all around yields more pain all around. There are excellent books on the topic Go forth and be good to yourselves.
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Teri4077 Oct 2018
I'd love to have you elaborate on your response, Skyelav. I've read all the books on codependency but am not clear what you are trying to communicate to us in this post. Could you elaborate? thanks!
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Not sure.
I felt the same way. Find myself pouring a glass of wine or two at nights and considering medication. something. anything
I am now getting away just to swim laps 3 or 4 days a week-it was very difficult to be able to do this but felt like somethings gotta give!!! It helps me to clear my head and think plus feels good to actually do something for myself
I think it is not really a chemical problem as it is more a situational problem. Who wouldnt be overwhelmed or depressed after cargiving in a very depressing and oppressive atmosphere? Maybe meds would help some. Everyone is different.
God help us all.
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Karenfallon Oct 2018
I believe that for some, medications can be very helpful and one should never feel bad about using medications to relieve anxiety or depression. I For others I do think there are some other options which might be tried first if one does not want to use medication. For me personally, although I have only been caring for my Father since April and since October 1 in Hospice care in my home, (meaning he is now a total bedrest and total care person) I find that EXERCISE is my chemical . I have been a distance runner for about 40 years, and for about 15 years runner/swimmer/biker/and some weight training. I exercise at least 1 hour or more if I can get it every day, 365 days a year. SO for me the life saver is to get my fresh air and exercise which really keeps me positive, patient, and energetic in providing quality care for my precious Dad.
Exercise not only can relieve depression and fatigue, but also has the additional benefits of making one feel physically better too. All of that combined can do wonders to lift spirits, relieve anxiety and helps manage anger too.
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Tiger: I wish you the best.
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Ahmijoy: Thank you.
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Smeshque is right on point! And thank you for that Smeshque. I am even afraid to say anything more on this subject because no matter what it is that I would or could add, it is bound to rub someone the wrong way. That is NEVER my intention at all. If you know me, I love to help others. This is often a "taboo" subject and even that is sure to draw some criticism. For that, I apologize up front. We are all one AgingCaring Forum, that build each other up.
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Gdaughter, I think we all have made comments that have hurt feelings or offended. But I believe the agingcare family is forgiving and understanding, that they won't hold a grudge or judge you on that account.
We all differ in opinions and thoughts, that doesn't make yours wrong.
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gdaughter Oct 2018
Just seeing this response now...and appreciate it. The words came out and were so mistaken, not meant to be judgemental and now regrettably can't be taken back which I wanted to do just to potentially avoid hurting anyone else. I have, as do so many others, enough stress in my life without generating more, especially before bed. At least my pup loves me unconditionally, and she's who really matters in the grand scheme of things! But I again, appreciate your words. I also did not care to share my own personal experiences somewhat relevant to the discussion...what works for some, clearly does not work for all...and everyone must make their own path and find their own solutions. Thanks again smeshque.
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Can someone please remind me/let me know if we have the ability to delete a comment? As a few individuals found a response I posted hurtful I am trying to figure out how to remove it and that doesn't seem to be an option, at least not beyond clicking report, i.e reporting myself...
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Llamalover47 Oct 2018
Gdaughter: It is my understanding that there is a time limit on editing or deleting a post. I do not know how long a duration that is.
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PS: and to those who were offended by my original "hurtful" response, please re-read the original question. IMO there COULD be a better way to deal with the exhaustion of caregiving. A number of people here seem to think they are experts on various medications. The decision should be between the particular patient and their hopefully informed MD not on a forum such as this.
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Llamalover47 Oct 2018
Gdaughter: I must apologize as I am no medication expert.
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It seems my words were very misunderstood and taken by some souls here as hurtful which was never the intent...I apologize and I am trying to figure out how to delete a comment but that doesn' appear to be an option. To be clear I have absolutely no issue with anyone who wishes to taking any medication to help themselves. My point was meant to convey that the choice be made with great consideration and with a health care provider one feels comfortable and trusts. I do also believe it is worth considering... the benefit of counseling which can be supportive and for SOME people may be what they need in lieu of or in addition to medication.
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joanne27 Oct 2018
gdaughter:

Firstly:
I don't think your comments were misunderstood. That is placing the blame for your self-proclaimed mistakes onto the people reading them.

Secondly:
If you were actually sincere in correcting your misstatements, you could start with a strong apology. Then you could move to quote the improper statements and provide corrections. It is possible and relatively easy to perform those tasks. You might make them as responses to what you say were mistaken, new answers to the original post, or better yet, both.
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Tiger: Oh, you're welcome.
Good luck and God bless.
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I've been on Paxil since my marriage ended over 15 years ago. Sleeping medication too (ambien). I tried to go off the antidepressant once (cold turkey) with disastrous results. I was told after two episodes of major clinical depression that I would probably need to be on antidepressants for the rest of my life. I'm okay with that at this point.

I would recommend antidepressants to anyone who can be helped by them. It's not a panacea but it keeps me from spiraling downward. You deserve to be well, whether it takes chemicals or not. Good luck!
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
Thanks, I agree that it has a lot to do with my marriage ending also. Its been about 6 years for me, & all I do is try to keep busy so I don't feel lost. Lately though, I've been more isolated, & I think that caused my meltdown (requiring meds?). I have to find something to live for, really. Meds cannot do that, they can just mask my pain. Thanks to all☺ for your great input.🙋
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I've been on Zoloft twice; I had very little difficulty with the "coming off" each time when my doc and I were pretty sure that my depression had abated.
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anonymous828521 Oct 2018
I think you have a very good doctor☺. Glad it went well.
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