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I have FML to take care of my mother with dementia. Sometimes I don't have to take off immediately but it wears me out to the point I can hardly think straight the next day. Would I need to apply for FML for my exhaustion or would it be considered part of taking care of Mom? Thanks!

Exhaustion is common with caregivers, not just physical, the stress, anxiety and worry about your LO adds to the exhaustion. If it goes on too long, it causes serious burn-out and will destroy your health. 30-40% of caregivers die before the person they are taking care of. Look into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Also, Adrenal Fatigue which can happen to PTSD sufferers or other people with severe long-term stress. Constant anxiety and the "fight, flight, or freeze" response can actually wear out hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. It wasn't until my B/P hit 208/95 and I basically collapsed from exhaustion that I realized I had to step back, let go, and let professionals take over caregiving of my parents.
My therapist and doctors told me a was a stroke waiting to happen or worse.
Remember, you will be of no use to your mother if you are dead. Please get some help. I hope this helps at least a little. Take care of yourself!
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gdaughter Jan 12, 2021
Learned the other day I was labeled with "Malignant hypertension"! on the day I had my aortic dissection. So understand what you're saying!
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Your exhaustion comes through so strongly in this and your other recent post. How long can you keep up the level of caregiving you are doing (and apparently have been doing for years and years, according to your profile) without seriously harming your own health?

You matter too!
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Have you had top notch medical care during the time that you’ve been caring for your mom?

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in the midst of caring, and part and parcel of that condition is profound exhaustion. It took me literally YEARS to recover from the effects of those seven years, and when deprive of sleep, even over a decade later, I can STILL revert to sleep deprivation symptoms.

Consider whether you’re establishing a fair balance point between caregiving and your own health. No one can really do that but you. As you consider, realize that YOU are an important part of the equation. Sacrificing your life out of love for her is NOT solving a problem that needs to provide for both of you.
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Sunnydayze Jan 12, 2021
My heart goes out to you. I do not have fibromyalgia or seven years of direct caregiving... 15 years of distance, but I certainly know that the recovery process takes time. I’m still recovering. I’m sending prayers of total restoration and peace your way. I cannot even imagine how you have handled it all. Warmly, Sunny
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My FML paperwork for Mom said "activitites of daily life" and "caregiving" for up to 2 days a week, 2 times a month. Dr apts, etc. The only time I ever used it was when it snowed.. no lie! Could not leave mom alone in a house where the power could go out, and the water, and heat... while hubs dug us out ( 1/2 mile driveway) in case we needed a ambu. Your boss only knows you HAVE FMLA,, they can;t ask why or how.. Your boss fills out the first page, then it goes to your Dr , then to HR or the company ( in our case) that handles the approval. Your boss does not have the right to know what it is for in detail, just in general. So frankly if I was too tired to work,, then I would go ahead and take a "caregiving" day once in awhile. I have FMLA for over 20 years for myself due to a back/muscle issue, and for parents for 7 years.. I have never been questioned once.
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Reply to pamzimmrrt
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Check the details with human resources. I would advise sticking to the details of your contract. If caring for your mom is exhausting you, it may be a sign that your mom needs more care from more people. Please consider getting help from family, friends, and paid help so you don't burn out.
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I did short-term disability for six weeks starting Dec 2019, just for my anxiety and depression. That was MY version of having ‘an ailment,’ and needed something before a ‘real’ ailment set in. Trust yourself as to what is ‘illness’ for you.
As others have said, it’s time to look at a new approach with new assistance - please.
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All good answers here, and if it is not, dammit, it should be!!!
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This is so sad but I assume it is quite common with the level of responsibility dumped on the caregivers. I will keep saying this until people listen. People MUST take care of THEMSELVES - NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU. If the situation of care is getting overwhelming and is causing major problems, then there is NO CHOICE - YOU MUST TAKE APPROPRIATE ACTION even if that means placing the person. If you can't get help, and most likely won't get it, you have to do something now - you have to come first.
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Reply to Rusty2166
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Read what is exactly written on your current FMLA paperwork. Your boss will/did. If your complaint isn't covered, find a doctor who'll fill the ppwrk for YOU. It doesn't have to be your MD if they're unwilling, but has to be a legitimate Dr. and you might have to go psych rather than MD.
I understand that's touchy.......but to be frank, f it.
It may be possible for your mom's Dr. to fill out your ppwrk. Ask.
The goal is to relieve yourself when you're exhausted from this huge thing that's just gonna consume your life and protect yourself from termination.
I resigned. I was a US mail carrier for 18 and a half years until my mom stopped using the toilet.
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Reply to bolers1
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Great answers but it all depends on where you work and what the policies cover for FMLA.
Your own PCP may need to fill out the FMLA paperwork for you. Every business has their own guidelines for what can be covered. .
Sounds like it is time to get some additional help for you or consider going part time.
Your boss is not allowed to ask why you have FMLA BTW.
The best of luck.
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