Would downsizing/moving with my 84-year-old husband (with Alzheimer’s) make his confusion worse?

It depends, some people have a difficult time adjusting but some people on the forum have mentioned that their loved one didn't even notice the move, I expect it matters how similar the layout of new home is to the old one. I'd like to suggest you consider having him spend moving week at a facility for a respite stay if you can afford that so he doesn't have to experience the stress and confusion of the actual move.

Hi Cassidog
it sounds like you have your priorities in order. You know whether you can afford to continue where you are OR not and you have found help in managing your days with DH.
There are so many components that are variable from one person to the next.

I would suggest before you move you also consider it an option to speak with an elder attorney to see what your options are to place your husband should that become necessary.
I think sometimes the spouse fears being left impoverished if their loved one needs more care than they can afford. I read on this forum that if Medicaid is needed that the community spouse is not left impoverished. There sometimes comes a point that your being able to manage his care is more important than actually providing all the hands on care. So please when you make your plans consider that with the advancement of his dementia it might soon be necessary to find even more help than the daycare.
It is so important to the both of you that you take care of you.

I agree with willie and 97. I also think your husband maybe far enough into his Dementia that he may not even realize you have moved. Keep what you can that is familiar. His favorite chair stuff like that. I have been cleaning out for a while. I donate and give away things I don't need or want. I was a doll collector. Have given some of them to the Church silent auction. Gave lots to a Thrift store where the proceeds go to help a Church School. I don't do yard sales. Too time consuming and I didn't make enough money.

The new place I would try to arrange things to be as much like the old house as possible. If you can't afford respite, then put him in daycare for the week you are moving. Don't let him see the comings and goings. Then when u pick him up, take him right to the new place. At first, don't say anything and see what happens. If he asks, keep it simple.

My Husband did a lot better than I thought he would. From the old house the last thing that got loaded onto the moving truck was his recliner.
The first thing to get put in the new house was his recliner. I was having the TV connected while we were on our way. Once we got to the new house he went in, sat down in his recliner and that was pretty much the extent of it. At dinner time we had pizza, one of his favorite foods! and by the time it was time for me to get him ready for bed (he needed guidance at this time not actual "help") he got into bed, I gave him a kiss (our normal nighttime routine) and that was pretty much the way the rest of the days went. He did mention "the other house" or "home" but I did not have any problems.
So keep to the routine as much as possible. If you can arrange a longer day at Day Care the week leading up to the move, it will give you a chance to pack and arrange what will be first into the truck and what will be first out to make things feel more like home to him.

Yes he may have problems but you never know...each person is different.
If possible keep the routine as much the same as possible. Get up at the same time, meals the same time, day care the same days (with increased time for a while if possible)
And if he does not adjust right away don't worry, he will adapt.
By the way if you are moving to a large complex from a single family home this may be more confusing for him. Make sure he can not get out on his own. And if there is any chance that he would wander get a tracking device. (as silly as it sounds there are tags you can put on a dog that you can set a range so if the dog goes out of range you will be alerted. Or tags that can be put on luggage so you know where it is. As far as I know these do not have monthly fees like the medic alert systems do.)

Where i live, the police will give, free of charge, a tracking device.

Thank you, Grandma1954, for your excellent information. My husband’s recliner is his favorite possession. I will look into the tracking devices.

Hopefully it won't make too much difference to his routine, etc. You're guiding him to bed and probably other things, so him knowing/remembering things may be less important at this point.

More important now is the reality of your financial situation. You have to be in a safe place that you can afford and do your best to help hubby adjust.

i took my 75 year old husband on an annual visit to my sister who lives on the East coast for a week. When we got back home I was surprised to find he was totally confused. It took me months to get him back on track. Even though we’ve been back home for 3 mos every now and then he’ll say “I like this house best”! I realize I can’t take him away again. Also I was thinking of moving to a senior living community to try to give my husband more of a social life where he could interact with people but I believe moving him from our home where we’ve lived for 25 years would be too confusing for him. I wish you luck. I hope this has helped you.

As I always say, try helping his dementia with the info in Dr Mary Newport’s book: The Coconut Oil And Low Carb Solution- it helped greatly with her husband’s dementia/alzheimer’s. It’s easy: just take one tablespoon of virgin coconut oil with each meal and stick to a really low carb diet.

You said it: you NEED to do this...and you can get things set up and complete the move maybe on a daycare day so when he walks in things will be familiar? Moves can be challenging for the best of us, but the stress will be worse for you with worry if you stay put it seems...Good luck...

Hello Cassidog. My folks with Alzheimer’s moved 5 times due to health and financial reasons. It caused confusion but it also was necessary. What worked best was to try and keep things looking the same and having them occupied during the actual move so they didn’t see their stuff being packed or “ disappearing”. Since you will be with him, I believe it will be a lot easier as you can remind him where things are. After the initial adjusting, the downsizing will be a huge relief for you especially. Best to you. It will be worth it and will be better for you down the road as well.

Hi there....

He's not all there as it is, and you need to make it work as long as you can.
I would find a respite facility that can keep him for a few days, or however long you need, to do what you must do.
Then you can truly give your attention to setting up in a new place.

May you have a smooth and easy transition!

I think he might adjust since you will be with him, but do what others have suggested and pack when he is not there. When I moved my mom into assisted living I only packed her things when she was asleep. She was never out of the house unless I took her, so I didn't want to upset her to see me pack her things because she couldn't remember she was moving and was determined anyway to stay in her home. I bought a new bed for her new room and put her old bedspread on it, replacing the old one with a different one from her closet while she was still at her house. I packed her recliner and replaced it with a rocker and she didn't notice the bedspread or recliner being gone. I took a dresser from another room, but it was still hers. Everything I took, except the bed, was hers. It took me a long time to pack in secret! After the move she was confused for a week or so, but settled perfectly with her things around her. I also retained her homecare person for four days so she or I could be with my mom to help her adjust. It was stressful and scary, but it worked. It's been six months and she no longer remembers her house and believes she and my dad once would go to the room she is in now when they first met as teenagers to talk and kiss. It's my favorite of her made up memories.

Alzheimer patients do not do well with change. But after a while they adjust to the change.

It will make him worse, but probably only until he acclimates. Your financial solvency is more important.

His dementia will get worse if you move and it will get worse if you don't move. It can't be the priority in making a decision so critical to how you'll be able to live the rest of your lives.

Also, keep in mind, he may get confused about his surroundings even if you stay where you are. Sometimes, people's minds take them back to previous homes and their current home doesn't make sense.

The actual downsizing process was tough on my husband, very tough because he had to make decisions.

but he is so glad we did it. Our lives are smaller, handier, simpler, easier, less encumbered. Was a great decision! No regrets at all.

I think it would help if you could arrange the move while he wasn’t around if that is possible. When I had to move my mum in a similar situation to yours, I just said we were living in this new place for a while, a holiday. At first she would ask when she was going home and I would say we would go home at the end of the holiday. Gradually she forgot and just accepted the move.

Just go ahead and do it for your future. Will it confuse him more, yes it will however he will adjust and things will settle with his regular routine. Do all of your packing and moving when he isn’t there, make sure that he can’t access anything you have already packed or you will find him unpacking your hard work.

my daughter & I packed while he slept & then rest of our kids finished packing while I took him into town 100 miles to sons house where we had stayed before and arranged for him to go to adult day care while realtor took me to find condo to buy. It was what I call a God thing all worked so smoothly. Sold our house Sun. cash & 2 wks moved into condo I bought & our kids & grands had everything moved in place when I took hubby in & said this is our new home. His response it’s nice, I’m tired & off to bed already set up. I could never have done that w/o the help of our family.
I made sure he never saw a for sale sign or a showing. Never saw boxes packed (in guest rm w door closed). Was away when The Uhaul truck & family came & never saw set up in new place. He never once mentioned our beach home we sold amazingly. I made sure he was occupied or sleeping. It can be done.

And think of it as an opportunity to make the new apartment "elder safe." Declutter, get chairs with arms that are easy to get up from, check the bathroom for safety bars and a walk-in shower, often it is recommended to remove throw rugs which can be a trip hazard, etc. At some point he may need to be in a wheel chair, so think ahead to a time when you may need accessibility.

His safety lies in having no more falls, especially off a cliff. Good grief.

In our experience, the hardest part was up to the move. Both sons living out of town, they had to go in piecemeal to get things ready. At that point, we were naive enough to think we could explain what was going on. She seemed to understand, but then the phone calls started. She was trying to handle everything herself; making arrangements for items that we had already taken care of; thinking she had to contact a realtor when there was already one hired. this went on for months and we received calls from neighbors/church members. It was very stressful for all of us!
The day of the move we put her in the car and left even before the movers because of her frustration and confusion. The two day ride to our home was unbelievable. She would look at the map, knowing we were going to Ohio, but kept telling us we were on the wrong road, especially as we drove through her old stomping grounds in Illinois. It was obvious that time and place were all jumbled up much more than we thought.
Once we got to our house, better, consistent nutrition, regular hours for medication and sleep, she actually improved quite a bit.
Fast forward 3 years and her confusion has gotten worse. Her mobility has greatly declined and her grumpiness has increased. Each person is different and of course, where they are in the journey determines how much they can handle.
The good thing about your move is that you will still be with him. That may be all that matters to him. Blessings as you make this move.

Thank you everyone for all the thoughtful answers, every one has been helpful.

During the morning he will behave ok. The behavior for some reason will change in the afternoon. Don't know if it's an innate learned practice since after work we all go home. Then he will start asking to go home and even get firm about it.

I don't believe the move would cause him much stress, so long as you bring lots of familiar items from your current home along with you. In my experience, most people with this disease have the most trouble becoming acclimated to homes structured differently than the home that they are accustomed to. Example, moving from a two-story home to a one-story home can cause some people to try to go upstairs when there are no longer stairs in their current home. When I buy a home from a client experiencing this type of dilemma they are often surprised by this fact.