Mom has always been very controlling and was a hitter while us kids were growing up. My twin sister and I have always been more or less afraid of her, she really throws a fit when doesn't get her way, pouts and sulks. Has spinal stenosis and surgeries haven't helped and I know she is in a lot of pain but she's getting angrier and more negative about everything. Her health is deteriorating, bad back, shoulders, knees. I have been the one to step in and do cleaning for her, but anymore when I ask if she wants me to come and help her she spouts off, "I'll get it done". My siblings and I feel she is depressed cause she says she doesn't care about anything anymore but also maybe some mental issues going on. Other family members are noticing how nasty she gets when not suited about something. My older brother and younger sister are just staying away from her. I used to call every morning to check on her but been down to once or twice a week if even that cause she's just so nasty it puts me in a gray mood for the rest of my day and sometimes longer.
But chronic pain messes with your head. It eats away at your wellbeing and you have no peace of mind because of this.
Have you tried anything natural to at least make sure she is getting a good nights sleep? This is a big issue with chronic pain, not enough restorative sleep.
I suggest you stop asking your mother what housekeeping chores she wants/needs help completing. Just schedule some time, show up, and get it done. If resources allow you may also want encourage your mother to engage a house cleaning service. I used house cleaning as the first "in home care" person entering my parents' home. My experience was the first stranger coming into the home is the hardest to get in there. After surgery, in home care giving, PT, and OT was easier to get through the door too.
You might also want to consider engaging Meals on Wheels. In additional to providing a daily weekday meal, it is also a contact or "check" on your mother.
If resources allow, you might consider having an in home care person come to the home 2-4 hours a day for personal care, cooking, and light housekeeping. Even if they are only there 1-3 days a week, it can make maintaining your mother in her home easier. The social contact of someone coming into the home can help ease depression.