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My brother took complete control over my mother's life two years ago without consulting siblings. He placed mom into his home and sold all of mom's belongings.

four months ago, out of the blue, he places mom in nursing home.

two weeks ago, my brother, moves mom into another facility for dementia care (she escaped from first facility) . the day before he moved mom, brother sent email to siblings that he was notified the nursing home wanted her moved, so I offered to care for mom. my brother said "no"

my concerns are mom being alone, depressed and going down hill. I want her happy in her last years. I feel if mom were out of a nursing home, and into a home with family she would be better off, because she would be with people that love her.

what are my rights as far as a caregiver for my mother? my brother claims all rights, but when I asked him about his legal rights, he refuses to answer.

would mom be better in my care?
she is 91 has dementia, incontinence, diabetes (which NH doesn't adjust menu for diabetic residents...but gives insulin shots instead)

what are the steps for me to take in obtaining mom?

to care for mom, I would have to quit my job...could I receive monthly compensation for caring for mom?

also, if I cared for mom, what about her meds and insurance? would I have to pay for her meds? I wouldn't have insurance myself because I would give up my job...but would mom still have her Medicaid? or would I need to provide her insurance (like a minor child) ?

Again, I just want momma happy. Mom, like many elderly are treated like they shouldn't exist...they're old, take away their dignity, their possessions, lock them away in an old folks home...but I don't agree with this type of thinking. this makes me mad...mom deserves better than a nursing home....now, what can I do?

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Your brother is dealing with a difficult situation and it sounds to me that he is very realistic about his abilities and her needs. You have only just begun to think about this and that's not a plan. You are not prepared to just "obtain" your mother. Things need to be in place before your mother were to come live with you.

How are you going to provide for yourself and your 91 year old mother who has serious illnesses if you've quit your job?
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lovemom, I think one thing you wrote should be a key regarding if you should bring Mom home to live with you or not.... "she escaped from first facility".... many elders with dementia what to go home, but the home they are referring is the home that they grew up in, back when they were a child and life was easy.

May I make a suggestion, if you live close enough go visit Mom for a full day or two, in fact, see if you can stay over night in her room... that will give you a clearer picture of what the 2 or 3 shifts of caregivers have to do.

You should be thankful that your brother is looking out for you, and knows bringing Mom to your house isn't the answer.

I found this excellent article here on Aging Care: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/preparing-for-a-parent-living-with-you-138793.htm
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Does your brother have POA over your mom? I'm just wondering where his power trip is coming from. And when people in these kinds of situations refuse to provide paperwork it's usually because there isn't any. If they had the paperwork to back up their control issues they'd be waving it around in everyone's face.

But on to your question. Would there be any financial compensation if you were caring for your mom in your home: no. Not unless your mom pays you directly to care for her.

Please don't quit your job, I fear it would be a big mistake. One that I made myself as have a number of others here. Let's say you quit your job, you give up your benefits/insurance/paycheck. Mom is 91. In several years at the most you will find yourself with no job and no mom to care for. You will find yourself in the same situation that many of us have found ourselves in which is, now that our loved one is gone what do we do now? We hitch our wagons to our elderly parent's financially and when they're gone there's a huge complicated financial mess to clean up. We're faced with the grief of losing our parent, taking care of the tasks that follow the death of a loved one and on top of that we're pressed to get out there and find a job in the midst of all of this.

I commend you for wanting what's best for your mom. If the picture you painted of your brother is correct it sounds like she needs someone in her corner but you can be in her corner and not care for her in your home. Right now she has a whole staff at her disposal. Nurses. It takes a whole staff of people to care for someone. If you've read any number of posts on this site about adult children caring for their elderly parent at home it's rarely positive. The adult child is burned out, stressed out, frustrated, regretful, angry, etc. That's what comes from caring for someone 24/7. That's exactly why this site is here. We need a whole website devoted to giving support to people who are caring for their parents because it's a next-to impossible job.

Try to find out why your brother placed your mom in a nursing home after caring for her for 2 years in his home. Did it just become too difficult? If you're putting out feelers on whether you should bring your mom into your home try to start there. There must have been a reason. People don't get up in the morning one day and say, "I think I'll put my mom in a nursing home today." Something must have happened.

I'm not tech-savvy enough to provide links for you to look at but others here are. I urge you to read through posts from people who are considering moving in with an elderly parent and posts about people who are already living with an elderly parent. There's a search bar in the upper right hand corner of your screen. Key in words such as "moving in with mom" or "living with an elderly parent" or any other variation. Do some research before you make up your mind.
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lovemon, I'm not there, so I don't know for sure. I have a feeling that your brother knew what he was doing. The situation you described for your mother sounds like she needs round-the-clock care. It is very difficult for one person to handle. I know that you want your mother to be happy, but with Alzheimer's that boat has already sailed. I would recommend setting up time to visit her, instead.

Your brother sounds like he has been doing a very good job from what you write.
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