Follow
Share

My dad is going to need more and more care as time goes on.I earn about 13.00 per hour at my current job and my commute is 25 miles/45 minutes each way. Dad has offered to pay me for his care, including my Cobra. I really dont see putting him in a nursing home or assisted living when it costs more than what I earn in take home pay. He has rental properties(which he needs help with in addition to his personal care) and would have to sell them to pay for a nursing home or assisted living, which could cause problems with my financial security later on. I do not have any children to care me in my old age. I do not want to keep a low pay job if it is going to cost me a house in the long run.I also might be able to return to my former job part time, not sure, havent talked to my former boss yet. It is about the same pay but it is a few miles from home. I am also concerned about the wear and tear on my car driving 50 miles a day, the car I have been driving is a 2004, so I am nervous about making the trip in the winter. My dad got sick right after I took this job in May. I never would have taken it if I knew he this was going to happen. I am just afraid it is going to cost me in the long run to keep this 13.00 an hour 45 minute commute each way job.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing

14 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Don't you think it would be better to sort out the job situation first, by speaking to your former boss, and see if you can't get your preferred job back? Then, after that, weigh up the pros and cons regarding your father's long-term care. The key thing is to get your own life on a nice even keel before you take on commitments to your father.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Chicago has some good points above.

To get more ideas about quitting work to care for your Dad, go to the upper right corner of this page where you see SEARCH SITE and type in "quit job", click on what looks like a magnifying glass, and you will see many discussions and articles about this. You will see many answers from people who did quit and what had happened.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
You haven't mentioned if you have any training in caring for a geriatric patient. Most seniors do not pass away in their sleep. A majority will need full-time care, which includes diapering and bathing. I think it would be good if you have your father visit assisted living facilities and have a plan in mind.

What if he outlives you? That happens 1/3 of the time with care givers. Who will pay your social security, so that you have income for your own senior years?

Do a lot of reading on this site about caring family members that have quit their jobs to care for a parent.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
NO!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Lumina95, that is great that you want to help out your Dad but you need to put together a 3-year plan of the *what ifs*.... such as what if your Dad needs your help 24/7, what would be your plan? You already tried some care agencies that didn't work out, so will you do all 3-shifts of care?

As for COBRA, that plan is only for 18-months. After the 18 months you will be on your own for getting health insurance. Thank goodness for the ACA where you now have a variety of good health insurance plans to choose from, from various health insurers.

What is the track record on the service calls for the 3 rentals? Are these single family homes or condos. I use to be a landlord of a few single family properties and eventually it become too muck work for me and that was back when my parents were very mobile and one their own. Even though I had outstanding tenants, something was always breaking down, thank goodness I had yearly service contracts for the heat and air conditioning. One house the stove, dishwasher and refrigerator all took their last breathe within one month's time. A good landlord shows up on the door step within an hour.... that helps to keep away those midnight calls that the disposal is clogged :P
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Would it make sense for you to change to parttime work and be employed by your father for his care and help managing his rental property?

It might, especially if you don't move in with him. Make all the arrangements formal legal agreements, spelling out what you are doing and what you are getting paid. Pay income and self-employment taxes. Treat the business part of this as a real job. I'd still get a parttime job for interaction with other adults, if nothing else.

If it happens that Dad eventually needs more care than you can provide and he needs a nursing home, his assets will be used up for his care. Do NOT defer your compensation to some day in the future or to an inheritance. The future is always uncertain. Dad should pay you monthly for your services.

Is he willing to do this? If he thinks he doesn't need "care" will he pay for it? The rental management help might be an easier sell at first.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
The doc said that himself, I heard him say it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Is this message of " I didn't get enough sleep and don't eat right" what your dad told you, or is what you heard from the doc yourself? There IS a defferencr, one that I didn't realize for a very long time. Canceling doc appointments is a red flag for dementia.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
I forgot to mention that a doc a few months ago said his weakness is due to years of not getting enough sleep (he loves TV) and not eating right. Dad refuses to go to bed at a regular time, and does not eat right., does not take his medicine properly, and if I try to talk to him about it we end up arguing and that is the last thing I want right now.He is of sound mind, so I cannot get a conservatorship.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
I havent said anything to my current job yet. I am not going to move in with him. We agree on this and both need our space. He keeps cancelling his doc appts, and honestly, I hate to say this, but I do not see him living more than a year. I plan to work part time closer to home, not quit working completely. The POA is a good idea and I will look into that. Our names are all the bank accts together as joint owners, so he cannot "cut me off" He has a doc appt tomorrow, I hope he goes to this one. The doc actually cancelled the last one he had. Its hard to find another doc- no one around here is taking new Medicare patients. I know that medicare will pay for some home health care if it became really necessary. It hasnt worked out because of the quality of the workers. Most of the home health aides here are young girls with bad attitudes, but we only tried a few agencies.I am really between a rock and hard place. If it turned out he had full dementia later on, I would then take over and keep trying until I found some good home workers.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
See, the problem is this. You move in with Dad. It turns out Dad has dementia, which progresses. In three years, you're back here, trying to figure out how you ended up with an unpaid 24/7 job that no one person can do. Go with dad to get a good diagnosis and prognosis. If you still want to tree this path, get durable poa so that you have the authority to make hard choices when the time comes. And above all, DO NOT ASSUME that there will be anything left for him to leave you. If he eventually needs nursing home care ( which is $15,000 a month where I am, private pay) all will be used up for his care.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Lumina, have you been to the doctor with him? 83 is not that old, not having energy, appetite and feeling weak are symptoms of something, not just age. In your shies, I would get him to a geriatrics doc for a full workup before considering this plan.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Dad is 83, he just has no energy, no appetite and is very weak physically. He is of sound mind, just a little normal forgetfulness for his age.I do not have any POA right now. I will get a part time job closer to home. I own rental properties also and have income from them. Between a part time job, and our rental incomes and Dads social security we will get by. I own the house I live in, Dad owns the house he lives in. We own one rental together, Dad owns 2 on his own.He is leaving me everything in his will. We tried in home care, it didint work out.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
How old is your dad and what are his health problems?

Do you have durable and medical POA for your dad?

At your age and in this economy can you afford to quit a full time job although it does pay a little less than $25,000 a year?

Would your dad's rental property bring in enough money to support the two of you and his increasing medical needs?

Does this house you are living in belong to you or to your dad?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter