Worries gone wild?

Send, thanks for sharing your good insight into the worries and fears that can plague us. My own feelings are that caregiving creates such a higher level of care, of potential accidents, tragedies, unforeseen events, that we spend more time in a fight or flight stage. Being "on alert" so much more frequently and consistently takes a toll on our emotional and physical health.

You might find Robert Sapolsky's "Why Zebras don't get Ulcers" to be amusing. He's a nationally known researcher and I believe a professor, with a unique way of addressing very complicated medical and psychological issues.

I am glad that the sink situation is resolved, to your satisfaction and without the potential horrors. You're not alone. I was thinking the other day that the number of potentialities about which I fret and worry have increased dramatically in the last few years, concurrent with my father's decline.

Honestly, I don't even want to go into what's worrying me today - there are just too many to name! I'm trying to be more rational and create solutions, because worrying only increases my anxiety. If I focus on the positive, and assuming that I have limited brain capacity (!), then the negative is either balanced out or decreased.

But I do understand where you've been on this issue.

Right Garden Artist! I was thinking of alleviating other's worries by focusing on what may be positive outcomes rather than a focus on the worry that is preventing others from getting the help they need.
Similar to getting it out of your head, and on to a positive plan of action. Just plow through the fears and go ahead kind of thing. Stop procrastinating - do it anyway.
Baby steps for the worried.

Thank you so much for your comments, and the recommendation!  You are exactly right when we need to become hypervigilant due to very real needs of our loved ones.  I think that I will be enjoying Robert Sapolsky' s book entitled "BEHAVE".

Sendhelp, so nice you recognized your "fears". It would be nice if our loved ones realized that their lives, and the lives of their caregiverers, would be a little easier if the took advantage of services near them.

Yes, JoAnn, it would be nice.
My neighbor led by example, got the services, and encouraged me go do the same when the water heater b u r s t e d . Guess at that moment, my choices were limited. Even then, I tried to convince myself of the many unrealistic ways we could live without hot water. LOL, that took 2 extra weeks to work through!

I believe there is a therapy that takes  a person through step-by-step "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Then asks:  Then what, then if that happens, then what? Then what?

Thanks for sharing your message, Sendhelp. Good insight!

Thank you Jeanne!
Hoping that you can come by again to visit those caregivers who want to overcome their worries because you always have very good insights.  And Good chocolate cake to celebrate!

Maybe I should have asked:  "What worries have you overcome as caregivers?".

What a refreshing, uplifting post! Thank you! Worries do run rampant. You proved that sometimes we need to take the reigns and steer them in a productive direction.

Thank you Ahmijoy!
You too are so positive, you must be head of the steering committee!

I am finding that confessing my worry was good for my soul today.

My worries are that if I'm not on hand to help my mother at meals she won't eat. True? False? And if she refuses lunch do I have to make it a priority to be there for supper too?
Everyone else says there are lots of people there to help her and I don't need to helicopter so much.

Of course I worried that when she went into a nursing home she would give up and die, but she has been there for over a year now so that worry was unfounded.

Send, I'm glad you got your hot water heater fixed. A bursting tank full of water can create a real mess. But people can live w/o hot water, although it's inconvenient. When I decided some years ago that I wanted to start backpacking once my caregiving days were over, I planned for some deliberate compromises, one of which was hot water. Although it can still be heated on the trail, hot showers aren't that easy to create.

Cooking on the trail is a bit harder b/c of the equipment that needs to be carried. Navigation by stars, with GPS for backup, is still on the list of things to do.

But I think what really will stop me are the sanitary facilities, or lack there of. Squatting with back braced against a tree just doesn't cut it for me. And there's still anxiety about being alone in the wilderness; there are so many lunatics these days.

Garden Artist,
Your worries are about the wild, instead of worries gone wild. It seems well considered to me. I would not want some night thing slithering up the tree if I had my back to it, doing who knows what. Then what would happen?
As far as being alone in the wilderness, cannot you bring your own lunatics to protect you?

CWillie,
Being a helicopter is over used as an accusation, imo. It may be better to be with Mom whenever you can or are able, because you would spend your time worrying if you were not there feeding Mom. You will be able to tell if your Mom is not eating well, over time.
I trust your judgment in all things caregiving.

Anyone else want to confess some worries? Did all of your worries come true?

Thank you everyone who posted on this thread.

I'm still worrying, if that's any consolation. Worries never seem to go away; they just keep evolving.

Send, how are your worries today?

Sendhelp, since helping my parents for 7 years and even since they have been gone for a couple of years, "procrastinating" is now my middle name :P Years ago I use to jump on stuff immediately that needed fixing. Now I just can't my mind focused on that.

There is this large hole in my kitchen ceiling as the bathroom above it the shower leaks. The stain and hole have been years in the making. Now other holes are popping up. I know water travels making it hard to find the source.

I want to remodel my kitchen to get it out of its 30 year old design, but I am afraid the noise would scare my older cat, been saying that for years... no worry with the other cat, she would be right next to the workman curious what they are doing !!

Oh my disposal was shaking the whole sink so I so I dragged my feet... yeah I know.... I even went out and bought a new faucet as the old one was leaking and the box sat for over a month. I finally called the plumber before the cat licked all the ink off the Home Depot receipt :P Afterwards I thought why in the world did I wait this long??

I need to fill out my Medicare application because I’ll be eligible in September. I am procrastinating.

I know, if you just go ahead and do it it’s not nearly as bad as you think it’ll be!

Enjoy your spiffy kitchen!!!

I had a thought and I hate it. I know it's the devil trying to get to me, but I am doing my best not to allow this worry to stay with me.
You see, when my Dad died a little over a year and a half now, he had no heart trouble. His brother was visiting him and they were on an outing with DH and a cousin. On the way home, he had a heart attack and died. Just like that. My DH did CPR on the side of the highway until and ambulance finally made its way to them. But he was gone.
So, heres my worry. My Moms sister is now coming to visit her, from the same town that my Dads brother also lives, and I am so terrified that the same thing might happen to her, as did my Dad. It so scares me this thought. You know, his brother visited, he died, her sister is visiting ......
So anyway that is my worry going wild and I am so praying for it to go away and I am so waiting for this visit to be over. (sigh)

I am worried that I am making Mom do things that make me feel better and really don't do that much to improve her life. For example: I nag her to exercise since she has recently broken both a tibula and hip. She is not really into exercise but I push her to do it anyway (sometimes to no avail!) I want her to take a shower every other day. Necessary? Probably not. It is not like she works up a sweat doing exercises! I mean, seriously, how much more mobile is she going to be at age 88? No triathalons in her future, for sure. I want her to be able to walk to the bathroom when she needs to and be able to get up and walk around. Does she want that? I'm not sure. She said the other day that she would really like to just sit in her recliner and watch TV. I have given up my home, my significant other and my life to try to make hers better. I truly don't think I'm making that much difference. That worries me.

Texas- I understand also your worries. I have the same with my Mom. Especially about exercise and eating right. Should I even care what she does as long as she is doing what she wants, and is happy? I dunno.

I think that's the problem in caregiving, do we give them what they want (to sit on a chair wasting away) or what they need (at least the minimum of a healthy lifestyle). Keeping them mobile and in (reasonably) good health is important for their QOL in the long run, but not so much if they are leaving us shortly. If only we had a crystal ball.

I’m the daughter and granddaughter of two world class worriers. Both my dad and his mother are/we’re worriers of epic proportions. Always been this way. My grandmother was one of finest people I’ve ever known, truly, can’t say enough good about her. But I remember my mom telling me one time that grandmas only big flaw was the incessant worrying. Very true, it robbed her of so much joy. And my dad, same thing. He often calls me to tell me of something he worried about while lying in bed trying to sleep. He worries over things that never materialize and makes up scenarios in his thoughts that “could” happen and then worries over them. I truly think it’s totally ingrained into his being. When we were children he was endlessly cautious with us, hesitant for us to try things where any risk of harm could be, too much worry. I’ve always called him Prophet of Doom, which he finds funny but doesn’t deny. For myself, I vowed a long time ago not to take this on. I’m not perfect about it and do worry some, but I don’t have the worry gene like my dad and grandmother, deliberately so. I’m too practical, worry doesn’t accomplish or change a thing, it just makes me more tired and wrinkled! I’ve shared on this site that I have a dad who’s so physically frail it’s a daily wonder if he will fall (again) and be injured, a brother who’s morbidly obese and a hoarder, and an adult son with an anoxic brain injury with his own set of challenges. My worry over any and all of these situations doesn’t fix, change, or help any of them, and that’s a mantra I try to keep in mind. Perfect at it, never, trying to be practical about, yes!

Send, what a great post. A very wise man once told me...

Everything that happens in Life is just an *event*.
Anything beyond that, is what *we bring* to it.

I try to remember that, when I do worry.

My husband is awesome. The first thing he always says is..."What can you do, "right now" to change it?
He's also big on the thought...
"What's the worst that can happen?"
Followed by....
" Well, it is what it is."
LOL, I just love that man.

Smeshque, Don't fret, Celebrate! When the enemy tries to plant irrational thoughts in our minds, we are about to grow in our faith! We're jumping to a higher level! He knows this and does all he can to stop it.....Laugh and tell him,*Not today*! You know the verse" get behind me devil"..... HA!

Ok, I'm off the pulpit, and here's my fear....

What if Mom has a stroke that leaves her unable to do anything? She might be stuck in a body she can't make move. Can't eat, talk, smile etc...

I could probably handle her passing, but not that. I think it would kill me to look in those sad brown eyes, and know she's in there, helpless.

Yes DH, that's the worst that can happen.

All of you are so much better at those big worries than I. I am feeling Inadequate.
And, now, I have started to worry that if I did have a crystal ball, it would be cracked.

Was not worried at all when dH and I had to leave town to pick up our loved one at the E.R. Except, the squirrel was not fed, and while we were gone for two days, there was a squirrel who robbed a local 7/11 of M&M' s peanuts! This really happened! Saw it on the news. Hoping it was NOT Ratatouille acting bad.  But we are home now.  Not worried.

Where is my squirrel?

Thank you Pepsee for the reminder. :)

S m e s h q u e. and P e p s e e,
I sincerely hope your worries do not come true.

Send!

I saw the Peanut M&M Squirrel Bandit on the news! So funny.

Count me in as a worrier. I am getting better...I think.

Thank you so much Send.

I've been sitting here worrying for the past 2 hours

Nice to catch this post - thanks, Send

Send help, I think my cat is chasing your squirrel.....wait, let me get a closer look... Is he brown with a long fuzzy tail and chocolate on his face?

I’m not naturally a worrier. Right now it’s just my usual issues at the fore. How are the parents today? Is the daughter going to be able to enjoy her one day off this week? I hope so.

I’m feeling better which means soon I’ll visit with my parents. It’s summertime!!! I love this green season.

I’m more of a procrastinator than a worrier. It’s seldom as bad as we can imagine. My major blows come out of left field when I’m not looking!