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Mom's previous atty's were great, kept me informed with any and all changes re mom, they are now retired; problem started Feb. 2010 when my sister became Sole POA, and I was taken off. She has taken money and who knows what else, won't communicate with me regarding our mother on anything; she has put untrue ideas in mom's head. Mom (87) has some stage of dementia but won't go to the Dr. to find out what stage. Every Time I bring up the subject of getting a copy of the trust, my mom gets belligerent, paranoid and thinks I just want her to die and want her money. Mom has always stated she wants her estate to be 50-50 between my sister and me, but I think things have been changed since my sister has already broken the trust with her having taken a substantial amount of money out of the checking acct that all our names were on, moved mom's social security to the new acct, has only her name on the savings acct with POA/POD added after her name. She will not send me a copy of the trust, does not keep me updated on anything. I live 300 miles away, call my mom every Sunday, sometimes more, and talk with her for an hour to two hours. I am concerned that the trust has been changed, possibly removing me, or not giving me much and possible adding her children as beneficiaries. I can't get my mom involved because she gets very upset in which I don't blame her. I just want her to live her life in peace but I am trying to preserve her wishes and my interest as well. My sister has pulled these selfish things before with our father, that didn't work because he had everything locked, and also with her ex-in-laws. Mom's current attorneys will not speak with me and I don't know how to check and make sure everything is safe and the way our mother wants everything for all of us. I need some help please. I do go over to see my mom when my wife and I can, but now when she gets in her belligerent, nasty, paranoid moods she does not want anyone in her house. My sister is uncooperative and I think she is doing things to benefit herself since she became Sole POA. None of this happened before mom got these new attys and everything changed. Mom does not remember what she signs when she goes to the attys office, she just signs, "what they tell me to", because she just wants to go home and be with her cats. She doesn't remember signing the withdrawal slip taking the substantial amount out of the bank and moving it either. I need help in case my suspicions are correct and my sister is doing corrupt things against mom's will. My sister told me if you want a copy of the trust I will give you one when she's gone. If everything would go my sister's way, her justification would be, that is the way mom wanted it and goodbye. But as I iterated, mom has repeatedly told me she wants things 50-50 between us. Anyone been through this and know how to handle this situation?

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hi can some one help me its not finacial, im pulling my hair and banging my head against the wall. i cant find a solution to this problem and it someone can then i will be ever lasting grateful in my life and will never forget them. its difficult, because i do try to put myself in everyones shoes but no one will put themselves in mine.
well, to summarise , my mother is old, ill and weak. im doing my best to take care of her, she lives with my sister in law, who cannot give a full proper care, there is alot of family polictics involved. no one will commuicate i have tried for years,the more i try the less they do, as they really dont want to take proper care of her and we have different ideas of her care, though now they have come back to the what i did for her a year a go , but she got ill and ended up in hospital. that was i got her a house for her self and i literally begged my sister to give me support in looking after her because i could not do it myself, but she just constantly blanked me.and conitnuous said you do what you can ill do what i can. this is impossible because things keep clashing and its so stressful.but they wont commuicate because it means they will have to be committed in helping her . please can some one tell me how to resolve this problem everytime i text to say lets get to gether to talk about mums health, they just keep saying the same thing that they are not going to do what i want. but honestly its nothing to do with me i keep saying this thats its to do with helping our mother. im confused because i dont really know whats going on. they seem to think its some sort of competition on who does the most. all i wan to to is get aplan in place and try to stick to it. please someone help me before my mother passes away, she constantly sufferring due to this situation. you can ask me anything if you want to understand more about this problem of mine that i have been suffering for many years. all i have ever tried to do is try to get the family to on. thank you
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My sister flew from her home in Kauai to Mom's in Ca in Nov/09. Mom thought she was only going for 2wks. Sister has kept Mom ever since. With only one brief visit in Apr/10. She told us she would bring her back in 2wks. It never happened. They never answer phone calls. They simply took my Mom away from her life. Sister has put her name on all my Mom's Accounts & has quit claimed the house to herself. Her husband is Mayor of Kauai & simply turns a blind eye to what his wife has done. They have charged flights to my mother's acct. & transfers money from these accounts to their grown children. They never let us talk to Mom. When finally got to talk to Mom, my Aunt asked her when she was coming home? She said, "When they let me." Can anyone give me advice. My heart is breaking. I miss my Mom. I would go to her house everyday
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Wow, I thought I was the only people in the world who had this problem. As of Feb 2010 I became poa of my mother and sole care giver. Sorry to say, My sister took my mothers house,Is now losing the house. And all my mothers things in the house.Lord know how much money my sister took from my mother also. Im tryin to pick up all the pieces now for my mom just to get by. My sister will not talk to me or mom anymore. My mother is so depressed about it. And her health is getting worst. She is almost total care now. Im still trying to work full time and help my mom were I can. Thank God for my fiancee, or my mother and myself would mostly likely be living in a box on the sidewalk.
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Helly -
I have the opposite situation (not quite), but similar. So maybe it would be helpful to hear the other side of the story. I am the sole caregiver for both my Mom and Dad. Both siblings have adandoned me and their parents, after repeated inquires for help. I'm exhausted. My sister said she will not help me because she is not informed of their financial situation. She is not informed because that is all she asks about, is their money. She calls them and complains she has no money. They live on social security. They have no money as well.

I don't know if your sister is stealing their money or not. You can't address this on the phone or by email. You need to go see your Mom. Is your sister taking care of your Mom? Maybe she resents the fact that no one is helping her. Not sure. I agree with Helly, leave financial matters out of the conversation.
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I'm dealing with a similar problem though my Father has already past, Just today I found a website www.fraudaid.com which is a non-profit fraud victim advocacy group. although they say on the site that they try to help deal with, and work to prevent, possible fraud of all types including family/estate matters, the site itself mostly focuses on internet fraud and such. So I sent them an email briefly explaining my situation and am waiting on a response.
Good Luck, this kind of thing can be extremely harmful not only to your finances, but to your mental and emotional health as well. The advice above was right; try to protect yourself and fight for justice, but don't let it become a source of misery. No amount of money or things is worth that, right?
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When your mom changed her POA, was she competent? If not, then you would have an argument to replace the current POA with the former POA. You'd need your own lawyer to pursue it, but heed the experience of the member who commented above. Sometimes it costs a lot to end up where you are now. The only other advice is to ask Mom for anything personal that you want/need to continue to feel connected to Mom, and get it while she is alive, and let the rest go. Allow yourself to not pine for anything lost, and enjoy whatever comes your way after Mom passes. My mother did that with her mother - she took back her own first engagement ring that her mom had worn most of her adult life, a couple of rings and a necklace, and a worthless (but sentimental) kitchen item, and that was it. She was at peace when her mom passed - at least in that way. My mother, consequently, gave me everything she wanted me to have before she passed. If there is anything left, I am sure it will go to someone else.
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Oh, you have a gold digger in your family too? My husband's sister drained their mom financially. DH and I filed for guardianship, had documentation of all the transactions his sister made (car loans, writing herself out checks etc). There were also reports filed with the state from outside agencies who witnessed his sister's abuse and neglect. We spent $3,000 of our own money, guardian ad litem's bill was another $2,200. And all that money, accomplished nothing. The sister filled their mom's head with so much BS just to cover her own butt, the judge and GAL took the brainwashed word of the one who was stage 2 alzheimers and declared incompetent by 2 doctors. We didn't get guardianship, and the sister got to keep her car, didn't have to pay back a penny to the estate, nothing. And now that their mom has passed... her car was paid off as a death benefit (doesn't have to split the profit), she get's 1/3 of the estate and then who knows what else money she got... since she ordered 5 death certificates for herself through the funeral home, in addition to what was ordered to close out accounts, medicare, life insurance etc.

But you know what.....while there is nothing in the legal system that can help protect your mom, karma will bite them in the end. I keep thinking, My husband's sister is only teaching her kids how to treat her when she is old and half out of her mind. That is my only comfort in the whole thing.
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HELLY:

No doubt your sister is a vulture -- and the poor old woman hasn't passed away yet. Perhaps dementia has something to do with your Mom's unpleasant attitude every time you visit, but I think it's because she senses -- and feels -- the friction between you and your sister. If I were caught in the middle of a squabble over who gets what I'd be nasty too.

You said "I just want her to live her life in peace but I am trying to preserve her wishes and my interest as well." The problem I'm having is that the pursuit of your interests as far as inheritance seem to be overriding your Mom's peace, wishes, and best interests.

To get what's yours is definitely going to cost you now that your sister has total financial control over your mother's assets -- and probably most of her mind. When you call and visit, do your mother a favor and leave financial matters out of the conversation. Your sister and you can fight over the scraps once she's gone.
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Not sure on this but I think that whoever has power of atty is leagally responsible to spend Mom's money on Mom's care, and she can be crimianlly prosecuted if she is not doing this. Call Elder Services in her area and they will investigate if financial wrongdoing is suspected.
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I am going through the same thing right now. My sister (executrix) is keeping most of my father's estate for herself, contrary to his Life-long wishes and what his will specifically states, which is that everything be divided equally. My sister has admitted this, and said that without a long, expensive lawsuit, nothing would change. She is beligerent and rude and has told me not to speak to her about this again.
My only option is to to hire an attorney who wants a retainer I cannot afford at this time.
I'm very frustrated by this because I am the sole caregiver for our mom, and I NEED my share of dad's estate to care for her. My sister or brother do not help at all.
I wish you luck, and ask that if you do get anywhere with this, could you let me know? (post on my wall?) Thanks.
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Your sister is not talking to you because she is stealing your mothers money. That's pretty much a given. I guess you're gonna need a lawyer of your own at this point to find out the truth. Be prepared to not get a penny in the end, and not be able to do anything about it either. Unless you want to take your sister to court and spend lots of your own money doing it. Sorry about your no good sister. Maybe a visit to actually see your mom is in order. No more of this long distance stuff.
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