Health aid worried about elderly woman's treatment from daughter. Advice?

just to address the issue of medication abuse re overmedication - apparently, at least in my state - there's a central repository, such that no matter how many different doctors or possibly even pharmacies you go to they can see because my dil had been to her doctor, gotten a prescription, gone to the ER, gotten another one, went to a, yes, different pharmacy (had to think but yes) the only one open 24 hrs. after we'd been at the ER all night, and they wouldn't fill it because they saw where she'd gotten the other one from her doctor and it wasn't supposed to be out yet, so....

Excellent Debdaughter....This should be read by every care giver.

Ratherbefishing. Since we do not know or have first hand knowledge of what is actually going on, we can only rely on our personal opinion due to what we have read. I worked with children from abusive homes for many years. I am probably sensitive to abuse. When I was a "representative of these children in the Courtroom" I would rather be to quick to report than not report at all. My situations MIGHT BE a bit more intense than what your daughter is facing right now. Your daughter must have a supervisor who she reports to???? Have her talk with her supervisor. I just happen to have an over-protective personality resulting from working with children who have experienced abuse. I am care giver for my Partner. He means a great deal to me. If I were to leave him in the care of another person, I would PRAY that person would report any and all unusual situations. Please forgive me if I was in your opinion over reacting. Again, I would rather over-react than to not act at all. God Bless

Wow, this post has really generated a lot of interest and interesting viewpoints. In reading all the posts after mine, I think the daughter should share her concerns with her supervisor, who presumably has more experience, and allowl that individual to decide how to address the situation.

A student nurse shouldn't feel as though she's put on the spot. And presumably the care organization has a chain of command.

The supervisor can consult with others on the team such as those who've advised the student nurse, and can draw her own conclusions. That's part of being a supervisor.

The student nurse isn't put on the spot for either causing trouble or ignoring abuse. And actually, as a student, she shouldn't have to make that call in the first place.

Students in the health professions have several extra tools to help them with this common problem of seeing something they disagree with. First, she should consult with her faculty advisor... the one responsible for supervising and counseling her. Second she should refer to her code of ethics; there may even be an ethics hotline for her profession that she can call. Third, she should review her textbooks especially from her ethics training. She should have a direct supervising RN over her who assumes direct responsibility for her. She should write down her observations and provide them to her supervising RN. Sitting down even to talk with the school's director. If after doing these activities, she sees that the abuse fits the reporting criteria that she is required to follow, she should do everything possible to prevail on a more experienced care-giver on site, like the occupational or physical therapist to report the case. The last option of course is to report the situation anonymously to the local abuse group, the agency on aging or whatever it is where she lives. Maybe some of this will be helpful. A common problem, students getting in over their heads.

CALL APS AT ONCE. As a health care provider, we have to report abuse.

I think dicsrc has left the building. It did generate a lively discussion, though.

Ratherbefishing is spot on. In some families this is normal behavior. What you see as an outsider appears normal The family knows how to behave when others are around but when you are a caregiver you are privy to many private things that happen day to day. You learn that people aren't perfect and that there is a lot of stress when caring for a parent especially in your own home. This might all be part of the family dynamic and the mothers tolerance for this type of drama could be much higher than others.

Jessie, I was thinking about the OP this morning. I don't recall any follow-up posts, queries or explanations. This whole issue may already have been resolved by her or her mother and they may have moved on. We may never know what, if any, action was taken.

I was also thinking that some posters respond with updates, some respond with more information and/or elaboration on the same initial issue, some respond with a thank you and others don't respond at all.

Fishing and SA, once again insightful answers. Observers also never know how the dynamics can be reversed in private and the caregiver harassed and/or verbally abused, gradually building up to the kinds of remarks J made to her mother.




We posters often never really know if our posts were even read.

oregongirl, I'm just going to go off with your situation, and SA, if this isn't acceptable, I don't mind going private, but if you're the one who can help, I have a msg supposed to be on "my wall" somewhere but I don't know how to find it, if you can help - but, now, my dil has done this very thing with re a baby she used to babysit, she has reported the situation to the authorities and even filed for temporary custody, which she did not get, but the mother seems to no longer have the children either and the court date for permanent custody was continued, so not sure what going on but guess may find out, so understand, but with children it does seem to be considered more intense. However, let's not forget what this mom told this student nurse/daughter so it's been just a matter of her observing and drawing her own conclusions from her own experience; thinking mom may actually be wanting to go to a nursing home; they're not all bad - thinking of a situation the lady at the local agency on aging was telling me about the other day about when she was the lady in charge at a nursing home where the hospital had sent her - now not sure how that came to be but apparently she agreed to it and could, which is another issue here - and where she wanted to stay but her son didn't want her to; I know we all want to think the best of this lady's daughter and maybe so, but it is also true that that is not always the cause, for various and sundry reasons; anyway they actually had a hearing of some sort with a lawyer, etc. and the ruling was in favor of the lady staying in the nursing home with then - again, not really sure why except son was still objecting - the nursing home - somebody - being made her guardian - again, no really sure why, seemed to be more a just nailing it down so son couldn't - or at least would have more of a problem - still - taking her out - and at least according to her - and I know, but still I have seen this side as well - she had the best - or least a good - last 3 yrs. of her life

Hi all -
No, we haven't left the building! We've been talking and digesting all the information and opinions you've provided - thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to respond.
The main problem is that there isn't a supervisor to look to; "J" sent an email to the head of the nursing department at my daughter's college looking for students to help with her mom. The director sent it on to the students, and voila, an interview and a job. So J IS the supervisor.
After our last conversation, the plan is to discuss the situation with the nursing department head, since the job originated with her, as well as my daughter's academic advisor, and another student also working at the house who has more clinical experience.
It's been reassuring that many of the discussions we've read here mirror the ones my daughter and I have had about the situation, She doesn't want to make accusations that will create a more stressful or resentful situation both for J and her mom, but she is concerned with what she witnesses. She also knows Mom does not want to go to a nursing home (maybe that's why it's a common threat?) and that if APS determines that J's home is unsuitable, she will likely end up in one. I can already see where that piece of info is going to go!
Please know that neither one of us underestimates the stress of caring for someone in your home. Our own family has a similar situation. Everybody loses it once in awhile - God knows, my child has seen that! She feels that this is something different. If it were clear-cut, we wouldn't be discussing it - we're in that crazy gray area. She wants to help, to do what's best for the woman she's caring for, but isn't sure what that is.
Thank you all again for your input - it's great to know that people will reach out to help in the midst of your own difficulties!

Absolutely right discrc - it may be that the head will report it to save it coming from your daughter. It would be highly appropriate for her to 'visit' to see how her 'student' is coping and to interview both mother and daughter as part of that. As you have seen from a previous comment threats are emotional abuse and while I can see that it will result in the type of care her mother doesnt want, she would be better off safe and looked after than in a volatile situation where she is at risk. She will certainly develop depression in a big way if she hasn't already and there may already be some mental issues mixed in there with both daughter and possibly mother.

Equally her daughjter may have told her terrible things bout care homes and while I dont want that for my mum I do think a lot of them offer far better care than she is currently getting from her daughter. She will also benefit from interaction with people of the same age

You are absolutely right to do something for if your daughter ignores it she is in effect telling the daughter that her behaviour is OK. It may well be your daughter has to find other work but better that than be an accessory to a criminal act.

Do let us know how she gets on xxxx