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I live with my mother and am her sole caregiver. I have been taking care of her for at least 8 years now and never really thought about my future until recently. Now that she is almost 90 and her house is in reverse mortgage, my main concerns are what am I going to do if her Dementia progresses to where she doesn't recognize me and what memory care facilities are out there that won't cost $7,000 dollars a month? She has outlived all of her assets and only receives a small pension from my deceased father. After contemplating these thoughts, my mind races to where I am going once all of this comes to some type of closure. I haven't been able to work for years due to caring for her and my work skills are surely at a minimum at this time and does age discrimination truly exist out there in the working world? If I could just find peace in all of this and have some sort of plan for the future, I think I would feel better. Currently taking anti-depressant meds and anxiety meds to alleviate stress however, it never truly goes away. I do have a strong faith in God and a small widows pension coming in monthly but not enough to cover everything. Anyone else out there in similar circumstances? God bless you.

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Work with HUD to find housing you and mom can afford. There are waiting lists for most places. If you get on a list now, you may find an affordable apartment in a few months. That would be better than being homeless on short notice.
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Glo - you are getting overwhelmed in all this, and understandably so. You mom gets some sort of income each month - SS check, perhaps a retirement as well. Does she still get any income from the RM? Whatever the case, you need to have mom start paying you starting yesterday for providing caregiving for her.

So so there are no later issues (like with Medicaid should mom need to go into a facility), all this needs to be above board. Mom pays you, w2, w9, i9 done, taxes paid and it builds up your own SS credits for when you retire. An attorney needs to draw this up, and mom pay for all legal. Use the visit to update all of mom's other legal as week.

You can make all this simpler by putting together a "face sheet" on mom. She just got her awards letters from SS and any retirement back in Dec and her tax info last month - so you have these to figure out the hard figure mom has for income. Then carefully review all your expenses. Whatever is extra is probably what she can pay you each month. Home health fees are about $ 20 hr with 4 hr a day/3 day a week minimum, so $ 240 a week/ $ 960 a month is probably fair. The attorney will know what your community standards are for paying for care.

Now if you find that realistically there is just no $ to pay, you may have to make some hard choices. You need mom to live as long as possible as her income is enabling both of you to be together - this is just such a tough situation to be in. Could the two of you sell the house or turn it over to the RM/HUD and move into subsidized housing? I think this is one of the hardest situations for caregivers to find themselves in but based on how often it comes up on this site, is pretty common. If your income is limited as well, subsidized housing together or in the same location but different apt could be a way to transition away from your current situation to living with less stress and costs for both of you.

All cities has Agencies on Aging - they are clearinghouses for informations & co-ordination federal programs, grants and other funding for seniors. The AoA are the entity that are paid to be ombudsman for CMS and NH in your state - & that is just once source of AoA funding.. They are within your Council of Governments which are regional planning bodies and paid for by your tax dollars, so use them. I'd contact the one in your area and go schedule a visit to see what housing options may be in your city. This site has a link to the AOA by state, so try that first. Good luck and let us know what you find out. We all learn from each other.
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family carers save the govt billions a year . if theyd pay the carers a tenth of what nh charges theyd still save a fortune . there may be some programs that do that but im not very familiar with that scenario . of course you worry about your future .
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Thank you Chicago 1954 for your reply...unfortunately the house is 25 years old and since mom didn't have enough equity in it, the house is literally falling apart is worth far less than other houses in the neighborhood...so HUD suggests handing the deed over to them. I am happy for your SIL...did she make some profit? Unfortunately mom's Dementia is not to the point where she would agree to start downsizing and selling things...I do intend to do that once she passes.....I am so sorry for your sister...how horrible to die before mother while trying to care for her...so sorry to hear that....but I have heard that happening to others who have posted on this site. Yes, you are right ..about stashing some money aside...although my SS isn't much, maybe I could save enough to get some type of subsidized housing...who knows the future...it can be so scary....Thank you again for sharing and God bless you.
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My sympathies to you. You evidently need to start stashing money away, now. What is your income? Do you have your own soc. sec.? My sister tried to care for Mother, and the stress killed her. So, plans need made now, as to what happens to your mom, if she outlives you.

I suspect that your skills are many - care giving, cooking, cleaning, bathing, etc.

Is it possible to sell the house, for more than the reverse mortgage is? My SIL did alright, now that the market is up, a bit.

Your mom will probably qualify for medicaid. She is not the first person to run into financial problems. Can you start downsizing and selling stuff, or would your mother object? (My mother is 95 and her house has sat intact, for 2 years.)
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