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Extremely worried about my 73 year old father. Over the past 6+ months he's gotten manic, will talk nonstop, ranting, no conversation, crosses boundary lines, etc. If I try to ask him a question to better understand what he's talking about he gets upset.


He mentioned in one of his rants about a euphoric experience from some shiny rock he got from someone. Now I'm worried he's doing illicit drugs!


I reached out to his doctor to express my concerns in his change of behavior, mania, etc and asked them to check on him to make sure his medications aren't interacting. I didn't ask for info, just said I'm really worried and scared about his wellbeing. The doctors office called back and said the provider can't do anything and let it slip that my father hasn't been seen by that provider for 2 years.


I don't know what to do. I'm not able to travel due to pandemic and pregnancy. I am also honestly afraid of him, worried about him having a gun in the house. He's just not stable.


What can I do to be supportive and make sure he's safe?


-Pippa

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Sadly, turns out my father is abusing hardcore drugs. He told a family member about the drugs, and that I'm evil and I keep calling to try to steal from him and he'll shoot me. He says I'm keeping the grandchildren from him. None of this makes any sense. It's all so frightening!

I send him money. I set up calls with the kids. One of which is now terrified of him because of his behavior. I fully supported his moving away, living his dreams, doing what he wants. I'm devastated.

Before I was just really worried about his well being, and if he had Alzheimer's. Now knowing it's severe drug abuse and his gun threats I'm terrified he's going to come kill my family and I.

I just want my dad back.
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Seventy-three is not that old...I agree the best course of action may be to request a wellness check from local police or social services. But even if he gets taken to the hospital and treated or stabilized, what is the long-term solution to helping him after he is released? If he has no PoA then guardianship by either family or the county is the only other option. As soon as he is stabilized and non-delusional you must have this conversation with him and encourage him to act. I think asking him for the contact info of his closest friends and neighbors would be helpful. One of each would be best...his literal next door neighbor if he trusts this person. Encourage your dad to leave a key in a secret location that only you know where it is. Then in an emergency at least you can help his local people or SS or police to gain access if necessary. I would definitely start a conversation with social services if he is in the US, they can give you very practical guidance of what to do if this situation occurs again, or if it's determined he needs help with his daily basic life activities. Let us know how it goes -- wishing you success in getting him the help he needs and peace in your heart.
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Pippaxox Apr 5, 2021
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer. I appreciate it.

My father has only lived in his new home for a 1 1/2 years. He doesn't know his neighbors, I had asked when I visited him before the pandemic. I should've insisted on getting their info. But at the time he was only supposed to live there 6 months of the year & 6 months here. And he said the "snow birds" his new neighbors hadn't returned, so he hadn't met them yet.

He had given me a list of his doctors, medications, etc. I'm executor of his estate & have PoA should anything happen. So was surprised when doctor office said they couldn't & wouldn't do anything. Even when I insisted I don't want info, just reach out to him.

I tried contacting NAMI & other mental health & elderly care lines. They all said to contact the doctor again.

Just feel at a loss. But your post reassures me I'm not out of line if I I call the nonemergency line. Especially now that his social media page had non stop cryptic posts all night,only stopping at 5am, & he deleted most of his friends & family (not me) but added random people as friends.

Ugh.

Thank you.
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The next time he calls, or if you call him and he seems manic or threatening on the phone use another phone to call the police and explain the situation. Tell the dispatcher you will try keeping him on the phone but she should be transported to the hospital. Tell them you are afraid he will harm himself.
Get the Non Emergency number for his local police and have that handy. If you just call 911 from the phone you will be connected to your local police so use the non emergency number where your dad lives, they will transfer the call to the proper dispatcher.
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Pippaxox Apr 5, 2021
Thank you so much! I will have to try this.

I did call yesterday & had him on speakerphone so my spouse could hear. My spouse was quite alarmed.

I texted my father today to make sure he's ok & am getting worried because he hasn't replied. So may try to call him again.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. It really helps.
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You're wise to be concerned.    Are there any neighbors you know of in the area?   They could offer a nonmedical observation.   But perhaps a wellness check by the local police would be better; they're more trained and could recognize what a neighbor might not.

If you really feel that he's not stable, and might use the gun, I'd definitely forget about any other entity and call the police.  But let them know that you don't want your father to know who called them.  Be aware that if they observe unstable behavior, they may have him hospitalized and evaluated for mental stability.

In the meantime, are you aware whether or not he's actually getting ANY medical treatment?   Is there anyone else in your family who could fly to his home and get an on-site observation?
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Pippaxox Apr 5, 2021
Thank you so much for replying.

I don't know if he is getting any medical help or getting his medications now, especially after the doctor he told me he sees disclosed that he hasn't been seen in 2 years. So it's a huge worry if he's getting his meds.

I'll just have to call the nonemergency line I think. Which breaks my heart as I don't want to invade his privacy but his behavior is just so not his typical self. It's frightening. And I want him to be ok & to enjoy living in his new home as freely as possible. But he needs to be safe.

Thank you
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