Our parents live in a small town so drive 30 miles one way to a bigger town where they go to the doctor and various other reasons. She is showing some signs of early age related dementia and none of us have ridden with her in the car for a couple of years. She has had no accidents and her car has no dings or dents as we check when we are there. None of us live in the same town as our parents. We are in a quandary if we need to ride with her to evaluate her driving skills. Then we would need to force the issue of telling her she can’t drive anymore or to take a driving test. Or do we just wait but we would hate for her to get in an accident in injure someone else. Any thoughts or suggestions?
That said, if your mother truly HAS dementia, she should NOT be driving. She would be unable to determine whether or not she should be driving because her reasoning skills would be amiss and she'd likely see no problems.
My uncle is 99 years old, does not have dementia, and drove his car until he voluntarily gave up his license at 95.
My father voluntarily gave up his license at 88 years old because he had 3 minor fender benders due to neuropathy in his feet; he was unable to properly feel the brake pedal or the gas pedal so he had those 3 small accidents. They were enough to let him know that he had no business behind the wheel any longer. If he'd had dementia, he wouldn't have been able to make such a determination because his reasoning skills would have been absent.
I think it's a very wise idea to take a drive with your mother to see for yourself if you think she should still be driving. Cross the Angry bridge should you arrive there. If she shouldn't be driving, better to deal with a bit of anger and outrage than lost lives. If her driving makes your hair stand on end, get her to the doctor for an evaluation. Then the doctor can write a letter to the state if he thinks your mom should not be driving. You can then blame HIM for the driving ban! LOL
Good luck!
Please make a trip to visit your mom and take a drive with her to assess things first hand. Many doctors are not willing to be the "bad guy" plus they have no real info about their driving skills without seeing it firsthand. My mom is 90 and drives in the daytime no further than 8 miles during non-rushhour periods. I occasionally drive behind her to see how she does. I realize a day will come where I need to protect the public and her.
If you deem your mom is borderline, you can anonymously write a letter to her state's DMV and outline reasons she should be called in for an eye or road test. No one should take her to this test. Let her license expire. Driving is not just about memory and vision, it is about reflexes, judgment of speed and spatial relations, physical abilities to turn your head to look, attention, etc.
Transitioning her out of driving means she needs to have something that replaces this loss. Family, friends, neighbors, church members can be called upon to occasionally take her to appointments and out socially. I did this for 4 family members when I transitioned them and it is not perfect but helps to ease this big change. She will eventually adjust to the new normal. Good luck!
My Mum will be 86 this Spring. She still drives and I am not worried about her ability to drive. She does not like to drive at night any more and only does on familiar roads, not out of town.
If you can examine the car for dings, there is no reason for you to not get in it for a ride with her.
Dementia can lead to people getting lost, even in previously familiar areas. Likely that will be a greater concern in the short term. Does Mum have a cell phone and know how to use it? Is there cell service in the area where she is driving?
2. How long has it been since her last eye exam?
3. When does her license expire?
4. One of you needs to ride with her and share your evaluation with the doctor.
5. I hope someone already has medical and durable POA for her.