What can I do with a woman renting a room in my home that can no longer live on her own?

Dear Curaco,

It sounds like its time to call Colorado Adult Protective Services for assistance.

http://www.coloradoaps.com/contact.html

CONTACTING APS


Please note: If you are a mandatory reporter (CRS 18-6.5-108) and suspect an at-risk elder (a person age 70 or older) or at-risk adult with IDD is being abused, neglected, or exploited, you must contact the law enforcement agency where the client resides to make a report.

If you want to report abuse, neglect, exploitation, or self-neglect of an at-risk adult (a person age 18 and older) call the county department of human/social services where the adult resides. Here are the APS Intake numbers for the county departments.

Adams 303-227-2049
Alamosa 719-589-2581
Arapahoe 303-636-1750
Archuleta 970-264-2182
Baca 719-523-4131
Bent 719-456-2620
Boulder 303-441-1309
Broomfield 720-887-2271
Chaffee 719-539-6627
Cheyenne 719-767-5629
Clear Creek 303-679-2365
Conejos 719-376-5455
Costilla 719-672-4131
Crowley 719-267-3549
Custer 719-783-2371
Delta 970-872-1000
Denver 720-944-2994
Dolores 970-677-2250
Douglas 303-663-6270
Eagle 970-328-7720
El Paso 719-444-5755
Elbert 303-621-3210
Fremont 719-275-2318
Garfield 970-945-9193
Gilpin 303-582-5444
Grand 970-725-3331
Gunnison 970-641-3244
Hinsdale 970-641-3244
Huerfano 719-738-2810
Jackson 970-725-4750
Jefferson 303-271-4673
Kiowa 719-438-5541
Kit Carson 719-346-8732
Lake 719-486-0393
La Plata 970-382-6150
Larimer 970-498-7770
Las Animas 719-846-2276 x37
Lincoln 719-743-2404
Logan 970-522-2194 x314
Mesa 970-248-2888
Mineral 719-657-3381
Moffat 970-824-8282
Montezuma 970-565-3769
Montrose 970-252-7076
Morgan 970-542-3530 x1529
Otero 719-383-3166
Ouray 970-626-2299
Park 303-816-5939
Phillips 970-854-2280
Pitkin 970-429-2040 x1
Prowers 719-336-7486
Pueblo 719-583-6853
Rio Blanco 970-878-9640
Rio Grande 719-657-3381
Routt 970-870-5533
Saguache 719-655-2637
San Juan 970-382-6150
San Miguel 970-382-6150
Sedgwick 970-474-3397
Summit 970-485-5353
Teller 719-686-5550
Washington 970-345-2238
Weld 970-346-7676
Yuma 970-332-4877


If you have questions about Colorado Adult Protective Services, please email us at cdhs_aps_questions@state.co.us. Do not email a report of mistreatment or self-neglect of an at-risk elder or at-risk adult as this email is not monitored during non-business hours. Call law enforcement or the county department' s APS intake line to make a report.

Do you think that she realistically could live on her own? What kind of support would she need? Can she cook meals, do her own laundry, make her bed, etc?

Where she lives is not your problem, but kindness would dictate you turn the problem over to someone who can help her, such as the APS.

On your end of things, look into how to evict someone in your location. How many days notice is required, etc? Give her a chance to move out on her own, and for APS to evaluate the situation, but if necessary start the eviction process.

She can't do much on her own. She says she can but it takes her hours even days to get ready to go for a doctor appt. If her bed was here she would do absolutely nothing but sleep. She takes some pretty heavy hitting pain killers. She eats canned pork and hot dogs and a gallon of ice cream. She drinks only diet Wal-Mart special soda. She only uses the bathroom twice a day. She sits in depends all day. She is 66 and looks like she is 90. I asked her to get outside each day for an hour, she said she would. That lasted all of one day. She says why do they build houses if we are to go outside. She talks to herself all the time. She shoves Vicks in her nose and puts it on her face and lips. She is bent over to the point she has to sit to look up. I have tried to talk to her but she just doesn't get it. I am not at home all day and I am worried if she falls again she could really get hurt and end up suing me and the landlord. There is no lease and I have told her since day 3 she needs to move. She is very manipulative and places guilt trips on me. She says I will just have to go to a homeless shelter. I tell her I guess you will have to. I dont even want to be in my home anymore because of this situation. She definitely misrepresented herself to me. I am not a cruel person but she has to go.

I will call APS on monday.

Why and how did she leave the nursing home? Who was paying for it? Why can't she just go back to the nursing home?

It sounds like there is a back story here.

Who admitted her to the NH?

Who arranged discharge?

How did you come to "take her into" your home? Is she a relative?

This person sounds as though she is both physically and mentally impaired and cannot live without support.

Can you be that support? Was that your intention?

If you cannot, you need to call APS and tell them that this is a vulnerable adult who is about to become homeless.

A year ago, I was called to take in a cat of a woman who was in a nursing home. It was to be only a month, according to social worker at NH. I took her cat to see her once a week. Well one month turned into a year. I stopped taking the cat to see her in January. I ended up having surgery on my eyes as I was going blind from diabetes. I let her know I could not come up anymore until my sight was restored. She started calling me and kept asking me to let her move in with me. Everytime i went up to NH to see her, she seemed coherent and capable of taking care of herself. After 6 months of her begging me I finally gave in. I felt sorry for her being there. She was sent to nursing home by the hospital. That is all I know of her background. I picked her up July 10 and by the third day I was shown how she really was. I have tried to contact NH but they won't call me back. I thought she would be able to care for herself. I am disabled and have my own medical issues to deal with. I can't take her problems on. She refuses to go back to NH and she refuses to go to assisted living. She is 66 on Medicaid ssi. I have lost some of my benefits because of her telling SSI that she lives in my home.

She was to have everything set up before moving in to my home, i.e., old age pension reinstated, set up meals on wheels, and have home health care. She has refused to do any of this once she moved in. She is not a relative and not a friend. I am a pet sitter and just wanted to help out. I should have seen the signs.

Unfortunately, this woman is a bit of a con artist. Clearly she's not going to improve or leave voluntarily. Listen to Barb; you need to get APS involved immediately and let them remove her and find a place for her.

This isn't your responsibility, and unfortunately, your generous nature allowed her to exploit you.

Call your senior center and ask if they have free legal counseling, or ask APS if it does. If they don't remove her, you might have to go through legal proceedings to evict her, and you'll want to make sure it's done properly.

I wish you success; this is an unfortunate situation in which someone with a kind nature (you) have been exploited by a con artist.

It wouldn't surprise me if she's done this before. You might even visit a police station to get advice, and ask them if she's had a trail of other "temporary" homes.

Good luck. I hope you feel better by the end of the day, knowing that you've taken steps to resolve the issue.

While your short term goal is removing this manipulative woman from your house, I would suggest a long term goal of developing boundaries in your life to reduce the likelihood of this kind of thing taking place again.

Curaco, I didn't see your last post until a few minutes ago. I now really do think this isn't the first time this woman has done this. She had all the right plans, allegedly to be put in place, to lure you into believing her.

Rereading your other posts, I now really do think she targeted you. And I doubt you're her first victim.

A few other issues to lend urgency to getting her out:

She's compromising your health, as well as her own. You can't be responsible for her poor diet and strange behavior, such as putting Vicks on her face. What's that for, anyway? Does she think it's face cream?

She came to your house under false representations; I'm not sure if that factors into getting her out more quickly, but it does suggest practice in having done this.

I would notify the pet organization about her as well; she might use this to find victims.

How does she get her food? To doctor appointments? Do you take her? If so, stop. If she doesn't have food it'll be an incentive to move, and you are NOT obligated to provide free food for her.

Please let us know what APS advises after you call them today.

I spoke with APS. I won't know until tomorrow if they will take the case or not. I truly hope they will. Due to the stress of this person I am now having issues with my health. My landlord has said if she doesnt move out she said she will evict us both. I feel so much better knowing that........NOT

Call the social worker at the NH.

I'm glad that you spoke with APS. I hope that works out. If not, the eviction by your landlord might be a blessing in disguise. Start making alternate living arrangements without your roommate.
Blessings,
Jamie

Thanks everyone. Just heard from APS. They won't help. I have asked for the supervisor to call and tell me why.
I have to evict her. Not looking forward to this.

Juarez,
I am trying to buy the house I am renting. Besides places for rent in Denver are few and what is available go for $1200 for a studio. Too expensive for me.

Make sure you get her evicted before you purchase your place or she will have rights that carry over.
blessings,
Jamie

Thank God it has only been a month. Make that call. Good Luck and get back to us with how it works out.

As I get older I become more hard hearted. You know that saying "no good deed goes unpunished"is so true. We r taught to help each other but too many people take advantage. I take care of my own.

Give her a deadline, pack her things and get her out. Talk to local law enforcement.

YES!!! It is a definite call APS (Adult Protective Services) NOW!!

If all else fails, you need to make her uncomfortable. Could you stay with a friend for a few days and have your landlord or utilities threaten to or even actually turn off the water and electric for a week? Cruel perhaps, but she's a freeloader or opportunist and you have a good heart like me. Been in a similar situation with a much younger tenant..

Talk to your landlord. Be honest, explain how this situation came to be. Ask him/her to evict this freeloader. I'm pretty sure you signed a contract and a part of that contract said you wouldn't have anyone else living there w/o the landlord's OK. You broke that contract, and you CAN be evicted, but most landlords don't want the hassle.

Letting the landlord be the bad guy is OK. Sounds like this isn't this gal's first rodeo. She's preyed on your good nature--I get that--but she needs to leave.

All the "weird stuff" she does is not your problem, it's hers. Find a homeless shelter, if needs be, get the eviction going and get her gone.

I've been in your shoes--allowed a young man to live here rent free IF he went to school and worked. 2 years into this debacle and I had to kick him out. My hubby will NEVER EVER forgive me for allowing the kid to prey on my "motherly" instincts. (He was 22 yo, hardly a kid, but wow, what a con artist!!

Good Luck. If APS won't help you, do try the "mean landlord" approach. She is quite literally, squatting. Good luck with the removal.
(I am only 61 and I cannot imagine doing something like to anyone!!!)

curaco, I don't have anything to add and you've gotten good advice here....but I just wanted to say that I never even heard of something like this happening! I wish you the best of luck and hope that you get rid of her ASAP! It's people like her that stop kind-hearted people (that would be you) from doing 'nice' things for others. Do you think the police would be able to help you? Especially if they can find out if she has a history of doing this to others. Blessings to you, Lindaz.

Good for you to call APS to get help. It's a pity though that APS can't be bothered to help you out. Waltz into the nursing home that she was housed in and demand to talk to the social worker. Demand answers from the social worker and let her know that not doing her job is going to land the both of you homeless.

"A year ago, I was called to take in a cat of a woman who was in a nursing home. It was to be only a month, according to social worker at NH." Who called you? The social worker at the NH? Who gave her your number?

I don't believe this woman is a con artist! Her symptoms sound very much like my husband's, who has dementia/anosognosia. He, and probably she, seems perfectly rational to those who only see them occasionally. My husband will state positively that something should be done, or that he is going to complete a certain task, but he has no ability to do it, or to even plan HOW to do it. He lacks the ability to even realize there is anything wrong with him. In my state, APS is through the coroner's office, and it took them two days to actually come and take my husband for a medical evaluation because the people they sent the first day were convinced he was perfectly fine. The neighbors all thought he was fine. So don't feel you were conned! It's just the way people with this condition behave, and they are not responsible. The nursing home should take her back!!!

Whoa.... what shelly55 says is possibly the answer.... The odd things she does, and not being able to get ready and go somewhere are typical of that. She is ruining your life, though, and she is not actually a renter, only a guest or possibly roommate, so if you can get her out of the house and have it locked behind her (even if someone else does it while you take her somewhere), she has no rights. My elderly cousin had run away from her abusive son. She was picked up by the police on the street, taken to a facility to be evaluated, and then put in an AL facility. Bet something could be arranged once your "guest" is out of the house (do you still have the poor cat?)

Its been a month, wonder how things worked out.