My mom is in an excellent care home with hospice support. She’s very gradually been declining for months, and comfortable, but this week, seems to have taken a turn for the worse. I had thought she’d been withdrawn for months - my last visit, last month, it took her a day and a half to warm up to me, and when she did, she became distressed about having to say goodbye again (I live long distance). I just told her that I was going to be sad to leave her too, but I was there for a week, and shouldn’t we just enjoy the next several days together. And we did, we had a lovely visit. She didn’t seem traumatized by my departure, either.
But this week, she didn’t want to see my sister, and she didn’t want to speak to me by phone. She does interact with her primary caregiver, but she literally turned her face to wall to avoid my call.
I’ve read and reread everything I can find regarding the dying experience. Most recently, the original Kubler-Ross description of Acceptance, and how the dying need to detach from everything and everyone they love in order to most peacefully move on. I can imagine this and I respect this. And I don’t want to make her passing any more emotionally difficult.
On the other hand, it is really difficult to decide not to fly to her again. Not because I need to see her, more that I can’t bear the thought that she could feel abandoned without family. No matter how clear she’s made it that she wants me to move on.
I’ve never been one to believe that everyone wants to die with their hand held, and I don’t think either she or I need to be together during the final moment. But given that hospice is estimating “weeks,” do I go or not go? Could it only burden her? Prolong her suffering?
Any thoughts or related experiences/ reflections would be super appreciated.