She is 98, and we cannot talk to her through the window like we did when the weather was warmer. Now, no open window visits are allowed, and the only way for me to see her is if she is approaching death. Then, I will have to wear gloves, gown, mask and face shield. I can hardly imagine. I would think that alone would scare my mom to death... no pun intended.

I was tossing around the idea of bringing her home, but the amount of care she needs would require 24 hr care and workers willing to work with a Covid patient, if there are any. Which leads me to think I have no choice but to submit to the harsh reality of Covid and what it's doing to our elderly.

So, will seeing mom through a closed window irritate her loneliness and sadness, etc., or help give her courage and love? Thank you...

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Dear "Jocelyne,"

This is heartbreaking no doubt for you, your mom and other family members, as well as so many others across the world whose loved ones are in a care facility.

I will be doing an outdoor visit tomorrow with my 95 year old mother with Alzheimer's being that we live in a warmer climate. However, what works for us when I do "window visits" a couple times a week is when I park in front of her apartment, I call her on the phone and instruct her to push her call button (mainly so I don't disturb the receptionist all the time). Sometimes I stay on the phone until the caregiver comes into her apartment and lifts the blinds and other times after I know for sure she has pushed the call button, I'll hang up, sit in the car and wait until I see the blinds open and then approach the window and call her again on the phone. So we're seeing and talking to each other but, the window isn't open. You may need to bundle up but, she's not going to be exposed to the cooler/colder weather.

As far as whether or not you will aggravate her loneliness and sadness or help give her courage and love, I would look at what type of relationship you have with her. Since I'm an only child and have always been very close to my mom, I know she would rather see me especially when I always end the conversation with when I'm coming or calling next so she knows I'll be back.

Personally, I think she would be more lonely and sad not having any visits at all.
Sometimes love even if it's wonderful, can still be painful at times.

I sure hope you can find a way to continue your visits with her. I'd hate to see it come down to not seeing her until she's approaching death and for you to have regrets when it's too late.

You'll will be in my thoughts and prayers - that you can come to a decision you will feel good about. I hope you will give us an update!
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I don’t know what is best. Follow your heart.

I am so very sorry. This must be devastating for you.
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Can you ask her that question on the phone. NPR had a whole segment about seniors and about how often we tend to sort of "talk around them" instead of directly asking then questions. If you speak to her on the phone, do ask her.
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AliBoBali Oct 2020
That's it. If they are cognizant, then ask them. :-)

*Also, I love listening to NPR for many years now. I always learn something new.
How does she react when you do visit? I would let that be your cue as to how to handle visits.
In theory if / when she recovers you will be able to resume normal visits. A few minutes at an open window if she has a blanket on her should not be a problem. Have you tried a video chat or facetime with her? That might help.
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