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tough love. every now and then the asst'd living place calls and says mom is not bathing any more. i call her dr and get him to raise her zoloft dose slightly - then call her and say that she will move to a much less nice place if she does not buck up and allow the nurse to help her bathe.
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I so, wish I knew why they refuse. If you knew why it would give you something to work with, not knowing why we cant even come up with a solution.

Depressed people get to the point of not caring and they don't shower, does the disease affect them the same way?
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we too are experiencing this exact situation- we're at the point of trying to get home health to come in once every week or every other and see if they can get her in the shower or show her how to bathe - she stands outside the stall and wets the towel and then when you ask if she's take a shower she says yes and shows you the towel - but we've watched and she just stands outside the stall.
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OMG...mention shower to my Mom and she's ready to fight. I"ve tried everything mentioned in articles, etc. Can't afford to hire help with it. I just grin and bear it..she screams,kicks, bites...well you get the idea. I sponge bathe her most times untill I absolutely have to put her in the shower. This could be our biggest obstacle because there is soooo much DRAMA, over a shower! Who knew???
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Join the club. My mother use to shower every single day and now it takes an act of Congress to get her to take one. I did some reading and asked Mom why she did not want to take a shower but she only replied, "you wouldn't understand." Personally I don't think she knew how to tell me why...what words to use to describe it. Some people have said, it feels like fire to them? I don't know if that is true or not. I thought because Mom has to take off her glasses and cannot see well that might be it, so I told her Mom just keep them on, we can dry them off when you get out....she did but that did not stop the problem. I bought her a shower chair in case she is tired or afraid she will fall. She got ticked off and wanted it OUT OF THERE!

We finally had her put on two drugs after her behavior became so bad (in general) Remeron and Celexa and they have helped in many areas. Now maybe once a week she will volunteer to go take a shower without us having to force her. Problem now is that she will not wash her short hair in the shower. She remembers back 35 years ago when she washed her hair in the kitchen sink and argues that the sink is THE ONLY PLACE SHE WASHES HER HAIR! She has shrunk and can barely get her head up into the sink and then dies with a backache. It is just another way of basically not washing her hair. The problem is they will develop "cradle cap" like a baby which is thick, sticky or scaly and is gross and then last time it took us one hour to get this stuff off her scalp!! Gross!!

In all honesty I have threatened to hire an in home nurse to come and bathe her if she was going to refuse to do it herself and she normally gets so upset with me that she will then go bathe....but not wash her hair! I just wish at times that I had a beauty shop sink and chair to wash her hair so I did not have to go through these argumentative times with her. It honestly gets to the point that I would pay anything for whatever is needed just to stop the behaviors and live peacefully!

Just to let you know, others have recommended, playing some music they like or buying favorite, powders, soaps, lotions etc. that will make it pleasant for them. With my Mom there was nothing like this that she was in to, so I was not able to use it.

Good luck, I know this is trying!!!
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Afraid of water? Can't set the temp? Afraid of a fall? Too cold? Sometimes adding grab bars and a shower chair helps. The MD can send out an OT to teach the patient safe showering. They usually recommend a hand-held shower instead of a wall-mounted one, a non-slip mat, tub rail and seat.
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