My mother is somewhere in the middle stages of dementia, and it has been the angry kind. I do have a fear of it happening to me. After learning 16 tons of valuable information, my husband and I totally overhauled our retirement plans. We are earmarking a ridiculous amount of savings so he and I will BOTH have enough money for assisted living, whether we ever need it or not. We weren't big spenders before, but now we are TIGHT, bro!! I have given my husband the "I can't take care of you like 4 aides so don't even try to stay home with dementia" speech. And the "Put me in assisted living while I'm still halfway making sense so it's not a big scream-fest" speech. NO UNCERTAIN TERMS.
I joined the Y. Thirty minutes of exercise a day - walking and lifting a little weight can help. Even if it doesn't keep dementia away, it helps me feel calmer and less worried.
I have given suicide a great deal of thought. Some people aren't able to set aside their religious beliefs and I respect that. I think it's sad and brave when a person ends their own life rather than suffer through years of incurable pain and fear. It seems that refusing food and water can work, although it is a long process, upsetting for family, and many professional caregivers aren't really able to get on board with it.
I am pretty sure I wouldn't be able to muster the huge courage it would take to end my own life. It looks good to me on paper, but I think I'd wuss out. That's okay. I'm planning for memory care.
I have started looking at my house as something I can live without. I refuse to develop an unhealthy attachment to it. It can burn down tomorrow, I have a totally Zen energy about it.
In my dementia world, I want a comfy bed, a recliner, a bookcase with lots of picture books, some Laurel and Hardy movies, some games, baby dolls and toys.
I even bought books for my husband and myself to fill in our final wishes.
I don't really know how many of us will end up with dementia. But I'm preparing to put myself in as calm and therapeutic a space as I can afford. It helps me not worry so much.
Remember that unless you designate medical POAs your loved ones might not have the freedom to follow the wishes you have so kindly laid out in your book. And for some silly reason standard end of life documents come with phrasing to the effect of "I would like to spend my last days at home". I made my attorney take that right out and replaced it with that I preferred to be cared for in a proper facility.
Yup, think about it often, I really want to die before people don't like me anymore. Lol I told that to my boys, you would have to understand there personality and sence of humor to get it. But they said at the same time. To Late. It was actually funny, but ya gotta be there raising 4 boys was a treat. Lol. Anyways there all amazing and sometimes I think if I died now, I look at them and think , I Did This. And my heart is so full. I think what ever happens it's ok. I did 4 amazing things in my life.
But what I'm doing at 60 to keep my brain healthy is keeping myself healthy as I can and off prescription drugs. Due to walking my BP is amazing, my cholesterol is borderline line, working to keep the t there, and now I'm cutting back on sugar to keep my a1c good. All the issues that my parents have had, that may have lead to vascular dementia. I stay away from alcohol, don't smoke. And try to be the best me I can be. Anxiety is probably my worst issue . But I'm trying to work on that
That’s the thing. Making an honest effort to maintain your health. I know tragedy strikes the innocent and my heart goes out to those in need. It’s those that willfully neglect their health, then cling to loved ones in to takeup the slack and become a selfish burden. Dennis Miller said, ´I have compassion for the helpless, I don’t give a rat‘s a** for the clueless‘‘ So many times I had heart to heart, serious talks with DH to take better care of himself. To get up and MOVE. I really resent being here. Clearly today isn’t a good day.
Also NYS is talking about passing the MAID bill, medical assistant in dieing. I'm really hoping that passes. But if not I live on the boarder of Vermont, so I would move there if I had to. I just hope if that time comes I have all my brain cells left to be allowed to make the decision.
Same. I think about my aunt. I never expected she would end up like she has with dementia. She was always feisty, fiercely independent and kept herself healthy with diet and exercise. If she could end up this way, so could I, but I would rather be dead, truthfully. Also, I wouldn't expect my nieces and nephews to take care of me. I say this now but when you're in a vulnerable state, wh knows? I live cheap and am saving every penny I earn.
Vote me in with the others saying they would rather be dead than living with this disease. You will be drain to your family because everyone around a person with dementia has to pick up the slack and have the patience of a saint to endure the repeat conversations.
Then when it is done, you leave them with misery of a memory. I wish we had a "eject" button.
I just do not know if someone wanted to push that button though, how do you manage the gap between when you realize you have a problem and then become unable to do anything about it.
I think the answer is to plan ahead and communicate ahead with our families/ children , while our brains are clear. If I can learn something from my care and management of my dad with dementia, hopefully it will be to my son's benefit so that he does not have to go through similar with me and my wife. See this ongoing discussion also: https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/expectations-486599.htm?orderby=recent
I have given my husband the "I can't take care of you like 4 aides so don't even try to stay home with dementia" speech. And the "Put me in assisted living while I'm still halfway making sense so it's not a big scream-fest" speech. NO UNCERTAIN TERMS.
I joined the Y.
Thirty minutes of exercise a day - walking and lifting a little weight can help. Even if it doesn't keep dementia away, it helps me feel calmer and less worried.
I have given suicide a great deal of thought. Some people aren't able to set aside their religious beliefs and I respect that. I think it's sad and brave when a person ends their own life rather than suffer through years of incurable pain and fear. It seems that refusing food and water can work, although it is a long process, upsetting for family, and many professional caregivers aren't really able to get on board with it.
I am pretty sure I wouldn't be able to muster the huge courage it would take to end my own life. It looks good to me on paper, but I think I'd wuss out. That's okay. I'm planning for memory care.
I have started looking at my house as something I can live without. I refuse to develop an unhealthy attachment to it. It can burn down tomorrow, I have a totally Zen energy about it.
In my dementia world, I want a comfy bed, a recliner, a bookcase with lots of picture books, some Laurel and Hardy movies, some games, baby dolls and toys.
I even bought books for my husband and myself to fill in our final wishes.
I don't really know how many of us will end up with dementia. But I'm preparing to put myself in as calm and therapeutic a space as I can afford. It helps me not worry so much.
But what I'm doing at 60 to keep my brain healthy is keeping myself healthy as I can and off prescription drugs. Due to walking my BP is amazing, my cholesterol is borderline line, working to keep the t there, and now I'm cutting back on sugar to keep my a1c good. All the issues that my parents have had, that may have lead to vascular dementia. I stay away from alcohol, don't smoke. And try to be the best me I can be. Anxiety is probably my worst issue . But I'm trying to work on that
So many times I had heart to heart, serious talks with DH to take better care of himself. To get up and MOVE. I really resent being here. Clearly today isn’t a good day.
Also, I wouldn't expect my nieces and nephews to take care of me. I say this now but when you're in a vulnerable state, wh knows? I live cheap and am saving every penny I earn.
Then when it is done, you leave them with misery of a memory. I wish we had a "eject" button.
I just do not know if someone wanted to push that button though, how do you manage the gap between when you realize you have a problem and then become unable to do anything about it.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/expectations-486599.htm?orderby=recent
I want to die like my grandma. She simply dropped dead from old age. She never suffered.
I actually think dying in our sleep is an ideal way to go! We should all be so fortunate, huh?
A guy that I worked with died playing golf. An unexpected storm blew through and lightning struck him.
At his funeral his son said that his father died doing something that he dearly loved. He was going to retire shortly before he died.
I think unexpected deaths are tough for a family to endure.
Look how far medicine has progressed. I don’t think I want to live to be 100 plus years old! People are living so much longer.
Aren’t 3D printers going to be printing out body parts in the future? Who knows what else will come into our future health care?