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my mom is 91 yrs. old and refuses to go to a nursing home and assisted living will not take her due to her incontinence. I need someone to help bath her and wash her hair. Will medicare pay for this?

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I agree that an assisted living facility could handle an incontinence issue. Just have her wear protective undergarments. Medicare will pay a limited time for home health aides as long as it is medically necessary and under certain circumstances. Consult with Medicare. You can find their information on medicare.gov.
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Regarding my earlier post. I forgot to mention that the person can not just be a veteran - she/he actually had to serve during a declared war. But if the husband served, the wife is entitled to assistance also. It does take a while for the paperwork to be completed, but once approved the payments are retroactive back to the 1st day they were admitted to a nursing/assisted living. Do not pay any organization to fill the forms out for you - there are some organizations that give community lectures that state they can do the paperwork for you for a fee - they are actually financial advisors looking to make money by offering investments, and no they can't expedite the process. Call your county and ask if they have a "veterans dept." - they will help you fill out the paperwork for free. If not, contact the Veterans administration directly and ask for assistance. No one should charge you to fill out that paperwork. Good luck!
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Call Medicare and find out. I also agree to try another Assisted L center.
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I wanted home care for my husband, has alz. His doctor made the call. Home health came, but only for 9 weeks. They brought all kinds of information.... names of agencys that do different things. All I had to do was call, if I wanted them. Medicare covered the nurse who came to the house. Not sure about all the other agencys, I did not use them. All I am saying is the doctor had to make the call, and the doctor knew my husband was on Medicare.
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I agree with IsntEasy above. I would definitely try other assisted living facilities. Many of them deal with incontinence on a regular basis. Some assisted living facilities are geared more for people that are pretty independent but want to live somewhere where they are safe, have lots of group activities and trips. There are others that are geared for really taking care of the person on a daily basis - dressing, bathing, assisting them with getting to the dining room, and changing them if they are incontinent. Of course, each "need" is charged for in addition to the monthly rent. My mom was in a small 30 resident facility. Granted it didn't have the look of a cruise ship dining room and entertainment venues, (which she didn't care about anyway), but they were like family. It was clean, had activities and daily entertainment, small planned trips, great food, bathed her, helped her with dressing and she was also incontinent - no problem. Also if your mom or dad was a veteran she may qualify for Veterans Aid & Assistance Program. It is NOT based on monthly income - however I believe you can't have more than $80,000 in the bank. It is based on the fact that the person or their spouse was a veteran and they have a drs. documentation that they need assistance in handling everyday needs. Good luck & God Bless.
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If you haven't already, I would also try another assisted living facility. I don't know what it's like where you live, but here, dealing with incontinence is well within the care spectrum of assisted living.
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I concur with Maryanne56 in her advice. My mother was released from the hospital about 3 1/2 weeks ago and they sent a nurse to check her vitals twice a week for 3 weeks then it drops to once a week. They also sent a physical therapist for 3 weeks.

I have problems with getting my mother to bathe and wash her hair as well. She is physically still able to do it, she just refuses which drives my sister and I crazy as we try every angle we can to get her to do it. I have had to tell her that I will then be hiring a nurse to come and bathe her once a week. She gets so ticked off by that statement that she will go ahead and do it. We have bought mats, bath chairs, rails, soaps, etc but nothing really works. We have also asked her why, hoping to make some sense of what she is going through and she has no answer.

You may have a very different situation and your mother may not be able to bathe herself. If that is the case, you will most likely have to hire a nurse/aide to come and bathe her for you. If your Mom does have issue with continence then she really does need to be bathed at least once a week if not more. Remember this is embarrassing for them to go through.

The other issue is caring for her in general. It is always hard for us to go against what our parents wishes are. We do not want to make them mad so we acquiesce to their demands. It can reach a point where you can no longer do that and although Mom does not wish to go to a nursing home, if you can no longer care for her and you have Durable Power of Attorney, you may have to make those decisions for her over her objections.

This is never easy.

God Bless You All!
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If shes recently been in the hospital with something like a stroke, they will send home health for about a month. then, If your mom qualifies for hospice care, depending on her condition ofcoarse, they will come out for 6 months. She must have a doctors note that she is in declining health and not expected to last for 6 months. this is how medicare is at the moment. otherwise, we are responsible for all costs of home help. If she qualifies for Medicaid..which means no money over a certain amount, they may offer more. There are private organizations that send out aids to help , but they are stiff in price. This is all I know at this time, I pray for help to come for you and your Mom, God Bless you...
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