I am one of the 3 caregivers at home taking care of our mom who suffers from stage 4 CKD.
My BF and I have been separated for a year due to Covid. At home, my siblings and I are extremely protective of mom and don't want to run the risk of passing on anything to her. When my BF and I reconnected back this summer, I certainly noticed that we are not as closed as we were last year. Time may have drifted us apart a little. He has been very patient and asking me to stay with him but I always hesitate as I always feel I feeel selfish and guilty of leaving the duty to caring for mom with brother and sister at home. However I also know that he will not wait around forever.
Mom needs 24/7 care, whether it is going up or down the stairs, going to the bathroom, get change and shower...and part of this is due to we allowing her to be dependent in us since dad's passing beginning of last year. We have not let her learn to adapt and be independent as much as she can...for example, using a walker or wearing adult diapers at night, etc... and mom is very stubborn and sometimes I question whether she realized we are putting our lives on hold for her.
My brother and sister do not get along and always pick fights at each other. I know all of us are stressed and want our live back but the issue is we do not discuss things or option at home. Other than giving mom all the supports she needs, the support need at our level almost do not exist. It is unspoken rule that mom comes first and we have to put our live in hold. My brother who has witness the passing of my dad at the hospital is especially vulnerable and stress out. He has aged a lot just over a year.
Since dad's passing, I realized that life is short and passes by us very quickly. I love my mom and want to provide support to my brother but at the sametime I want to start my life with my BF.
If it is not because of Covid situation, I think I can stay with my BF alternate week and come home to give my brother and sister a little help and break. However with Covid, I have to choose to be either with mom or BF.
I really don't know what to do. My heart is with my BF but I don't want my family to hate me and I don't want to feel regret of not doing more for mom in the future.