Wife’s daughter is her POA, controlling her financial/ medical needs. Daughter is not willing to pay for in-home care, such as bathing,etc.

Yes she should be using mom's money to pay for moms needs, No, she can not take her mom's social security check and use it for herself.

I would contact APS and Social Security and report that she is stealing her mom's money based on being POA. She will probably be facing prosecution if they find that she has been stealing her mom's social security. As she should.

Moms money is just that. Moms money. Every penny.

Do you know if she has signed up to be the representative payee through social security administration for moms checks? If she is she is required to do an annual report and she is required to use all of moms money for mom.

Seeing more answers here, Jim, I still don't understand how she came to manage your wife's care and expenses instead of you. Be that as it may, she is responsible for paying her mothers bills and her mother's SHARE of other bills, since apparently your money was not intermingled. You need an elder law attorney now, as she is not managing your wife funds as she should; you may have to go to court to have either court appoint fiduciary/guardian, or get yourself appointed in her stead. It would, in fact be VERY GOOD if you invited your daughter alone so that you BOTH understand together before the attorney exactly as she is to operate if she is to continue at all. And Jim, I think given that this is some sort of download the daughter got her Mom to sign, and then notarized (which does NOTHING to witness your wife's competency to make a decision such as this; simply witnesses a signature) that truly you now need to get yourself appointed her guardian and POA legally. See an attorney. Ask daughter to come with (or stepdaughter).

Jim

From the replies you've received already, I'm sure you're sensing you need more help than what you'll get here.

Do you have open communication with your wife's daughter ? Other than occassionally buying groceries - where is wife's SS going ? Building up in a bank account?
If not then you'll probably need outside counsel. You may want to contact your local county council on aging for referral to a social worker for a needs assessment and possibly an elder care attorney.

I am so confused about this. Do you and your wife live together in your family home? Is there a reason that the daughter, and not the spouse is the POA? Because bills on a household usually include a husband's and wife's combined monies. Is your own and your wife's assets in terms of liquid cash and checking account not all intermarried? I just don't have enough details to think what to say. Because the POA pays bills just as the wife would were the wife able to handle her own bills. Does she understand her duties? Are you hiring expensive help that she did not approve, doesn't believe you wife needs?

It sounds, reading your answers below as well as your post, as though Daughter has not yet grasped what her responsibilities as POA are. In this context, when Daughter says "she's not paying" for x, y and z, what she means is "mother's not paying" x, y and z. It's a worry that Daughter isn't making the distinction, apparently.

Her financial responsibilities include paying her mother's bills with her mother's money. Does she dispute that there is a requirement for in-home care, or for supplemental insurance? - because unless she does, she must pay those on her mother's behalf, using her mother's money. Buying groceries now and then is nonsensical: she should be paying her mother's normal share of the household bills, reliably and regularly.

As she has medical POA too, she also needs to understand what her mother's care needs are. How does she go about that, at the moment?

Two more questions:

1. How long have you been married?
2. When did your wife become ill or frail enough to need this kind of support? - I notice she's only 74, it's on the young side.

Is wife able to bath, dress, prepare meals & do normal activities of daily living? Does she have dementia? Is she mobile? If answer to all these questions is “No,” then YES the daughter responsible for providing care. She has to hire in home caregiver or if she’s not willing to do that, look into ALF (Assisted living facility). That’s if she needs SOME help. If she needs help with everything, then a SNF (skilled nursing facility) is the answer. But she needs care wherever she is. Talk to daughter or any other siblings she has. Are you able to help your wife in an emergency if nobody shows up? Home caregivers not that reliable in general. You have to be lucky. Let us know what happens....
Hugs🤗

What is she doing with the money? Does she say?

If she chose to hire the help you say your wife needs then I would say yes. As to the insurance I would have to say yes. she should continue the insurance payments.
I continued to pay for insurance for Luz, including dental, out of my pocket. Please note that we had no children or family other than my brother.
I managed to save over 90% of her SS. But this was just us with no interference or assistance from others.
I even explained my reason to the judge in the guardianship court. I did use some of her money for a few things. Less the $400 a year.
I think you need to have a talk with the daughter or a lawyer. It might be even get to the point of calling in APS (adult protective services).
Good luck. I believe others will be along with their input.