She is experiencing sundowners and takes 0.5mg of Ativan in the mid-afternoon. We tell her we will go tomorrow morning and it doesn’t seem to alleviate the desire to go home. She becomes agitated, aggressive and mean spirited. Any advice? Thanks.
My mom, a very religious woman, went thru this recently. She would stand at the end of my driveway and wait for her ride home. Sometimes for hours. It was frustrating and upsetting to see her struggle like that. There really is no answer. My sister would keep a note in her pocket explaining she's at her house now, family dynamics and tell her we are keeping her safe. When she kept telling me she wanted to go home, I would take her for a ride in the car, stop at D.D. and get a tea, distract her till it passed. Sometimes we would have to medicate her to get her to calm down if the ride didn't help. She passed recently and it occurred to me she finally did get to go home and is at peace. God Bless
Her request to go home is not what you think. You could take her to her childhood home and she wouldn’t recognize it. She might even ask “Why are we here”? This request is very common with Alzheimer’s. Her negative behavior seems to imply you’re not getting it, you’re not understanding her need. There can be many reasons for her wanting to go “home”. Something is bothering her and it’s not a need to go home. She may no longer recognize her environment and feel insecure. She may be recalling a happier time in her life. She may be anxious, scared, confused, or even tired. Ask her to talk about her childhood home. As a last resort, go for a short drive and when you return tell her “We’re home”.
I think for my dad, who is in his mid 90's, he wants to go back to Seattle because that's where he lived when he was young and that's where his memory is these days. He talks about it every visit. He can talk all day about his childhood, remembers the route he used to go to walk to school (which I verified on a map), his time in the military in WWII, but says little about the 50 years he lived in our current city. He talks about his parents too. I believe it gives him a feeling of comfort.
Hi. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. My father-in-law had this happen multiple times. His solution was to put her in the car and drive around the block. When she arrived she did not make the connection that this was not the home to where she was referring. She seemed pleased to be “home”, felt heard, and no battles. I hope this helps you.
I have seen this occur with a neighbor. She had gone out with her only daughter (which she did often) and when they returned home, she refused to get out of the car. The daughter begged, cajoled, screamed to no avail. I offered to help her out of the car. She thanked me, but was stoic and said she wasn't going . When I asked why she said that wasn't her home. We could NOT get her to move! I advised her frustrated daughter to drive her around and when they returned I would welcome them home. The daughter reluctantly did so. And when they returned, I welcomed them home. And problem solved. So after this lengthy story, I agree with others who suggested going for a ride "home".
I agree, her meds need to be upped. Trying to explain that it was 60 yrs ago that she lived there will do no good because that is where her memories are now. IMO they go back in time because they start losing Longterm memory.
I had my Mom out with me somewhere. An old friend asked her how her other kids were doing. Mom said "kids! I have no kids" and gave the woman a look like she was nuts. My Mom had 4 children and I was standing next to her. Mom had me at 21. Married to Dad for 55 yrs. The last time she mentioned any of her kids was me and my baby brother and how we were making her feel like she was crazy. We were the two who lived the closest. My sister had passed and my other brother lived 8 hrs away. I really think she thought I was her Mom. And Dad, she seemed to forget Dad early on. And believe me, he was not a man you forgot easily.😏
What you are describing is so very normal for folks with any of the dementias, as their long term memory stays in tack much longer than their short term, and often the thoughts of their childhood home holds such feelings as being safe and loved, so why not want to go back there? It's best to try and redirect her like it sounds you're doing, but sometimes you also have to use what we like to call in our caregiver support group, little "fiblets." And that may sound like when she asks next time, "well honey you know there's some work being done right now on the house and I just don't think it will be safe for us to go right now. Perhaps it's best to wait until the work is done." You get the picture. You have to be able to say whatever it is that will keep her calm and less aggressive. And you stay calm too when you're explaining things to her, as our loved ones feed off our moods and attitudes, so it's important that we keep calm best we can. Usually this is a phase that will pass, so hang on and just keep redirecting.
Ativan is not a choice drug for dementia patients. My mom was put on that in nursing home, switched to Seraquel and it has helped, they also added Depakote and my mom is less agitated, both drugs help with mood stabilization.
My mother with dementia had great success with Ativan which helped her with agitation. Everyone is different so saying "Ativan is not a choice drug..." is a broad and general term that isn't accurate.
Ask doctor if you can increase the Ativan. And accept that this is the way she is now. You could change your answers occasionally, like “we are home,” or we’re going next week,” or whatever you think of. It doesn’t matter what you say because her mind can’t grasp it and she won’t remember any of it.
Maybe you can actually take her by the house and take a photo of her in front.
Or get a picture of the house (either old or current). When she asks about the house bring her the photo, or ask her to tell you about it.
My father-in-law had this happen multiple times. His solution was to put her in the car and drive around the block. When she arrived she did not make the connection that this was not the home to where she was referring. She seemed pleased to be “home”, felt heard, and no battles.
I hope this helps you.
We could NOT get her to move! I advised her frustrated daughter to drive her around and when they returned I would welcome them home. The daughter reluctantly did so. And when they returned, I welcomed them home. And problem solved.
So after this lengthy story, I agree with others who suggested going for a ride "home".
I had my Mom out with me somewhere. An old friend asked her how her other kids were doing. Mom said "kids! I have no kids" and gave the woman a look like she was nuts. My Mom had 4 children and I was standing next to her. Mom had me at 21. Married to Dad for 55 yrs. The last time she mentioned any of her kids was me and my baby brother and how we were making her feel like she was crazy. We were the two who lived the closest. My sister had passed and my other brother lived 8 hrs away. I really think she thought I was her Mom. And Dad, she seemed to forget Dad early on. And believe me, he was not a man you forgot easily.😏
It's best to try and redirect her like it sounds you're doing, but sometimes you also have to use what we like to call in our caregiver support group, little "fiblets."
And that may sound like when she asks next time, "well honey you know there's some work being done right now on the house and I just don't think it will be safe for us to go right now. Perhaps it's best to wait until the work is done."
You get the picture. You have to be able to say whatever it is that will keep her calm and less aggressive.
And you stay calm too when you're explaining things to her, as our loved ones feed off our moods and attitudes, so it's important that we keep calm best we can.
Usually this is a phase that will pass, so hang on and just keep redirecting.
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