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My wife had a stroke 14 months ago and was left weak she is 85 years old and are batteling with infections and is often in hospital. She had a recent shoulder replacement and eats little and drinks little. She also suffers from dementia she wants to stay at home but my back is giving in

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This is a very sad situation for both of you. Of course she wants to stay home. Of course you'd like to be with her. But BarbBrooklyn is right -- she needs three shifts of trained, strong, and well-rested caregivers who do this for a shift and then have time to refresh and recharge their batteries.

I think you will both find it beneficial for others to do the hands-on caregiving and for you to go back to being her husband and her best friend. Be her advocate. Be sure to select a place where it will be easy for you to visit her daily.
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Andries, one person cannot care for a medically fragile dementia patient. It requires three shifts of young, strong, trained caregivers.

Please talk to her doctor about NH placement. Is she eligible for Medicaid, or do you have the wherewithal to private pay?
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