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Totally redesigned master bath with hand rails etc and still a major issue. I also have female to assist her everyday.

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Dear Taurus1,
I'm sure this is frustrating for you especially after redesigning your master bath with all the essentials for her as well as having "females" to assist her. But, just as "Sunnygirl1" said they often have an aversion to running water, sometimes they are sensitive to how it feels and even sometimes it's the noise of running water.
My mom never wanted showers or bathing done when I moved her into AL back in 2015. Now, after she contracted COVID in April and I moved her to another facility into their memory care wing, she has hospice involved. They couldn't get her into the shower either even when they brought a shower chair. So now, they have a team of two gals (so they could do it more quickly instead of one person) who come twice a week and have been able to give her bed baths as well as using a waterless, no rinse shampoo for her hair and this has worked. I used to provide disposable bathing cloths which I bought through Walgreen's some of which can even be warmed up in the microwave if they tend to get cold. They were alcohol and fragrance free to prevent drying and irritation to her skin and they contained Aloe Vera which has healing and soothing properties so that could be another solution. Good luck!
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Yes, this is a rolling target to aim at. Staying flexible will help your mental health and frustration levels. Do you have a hand-held shower head installed that she can control so that maybe she only washes what she wants or only her peri area? Is there a seat in the shower? Music? Is the shower running when she gets in and maybe this bothers her? If she is resistant to undressing, maybe just get her down to her skivvies and pretend it's a bathing suit. For my 98-yr old aunt with severe dementia they used to tell her she had an important appointment (something that was important to her) or were expecting company (from someone she remembered and loves) and that worked for a long while, and then it didn't. There's nothing wrong with sponge baths. One thing about dementia, it keeps you on your creative toes. I wish you all the best and peace in your heart that you are doing your utmost no matter what the outcomes.
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Suunygirl makes some very good points.
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I'm sorry to see this about your wife. For some reason, people who have dementia seem to resist care in a lot of ways and bathing/showering seems to be one area of particular concern. Your profile indicates that she has a lot of other medical problems in addition to dementia. I'd try to figure out if something about it hurts her, like the position, the touch, the time involved, exhaustion, etc. It might be she doesn't need a full bath or shower everyday. She may not be able to verbalize why she's resisting. If she's not doing better with the bath aid, I'd explore getting her clean in ways other than showering, like sponge baths.

Some people with dementia just have an aversion to running water. Their senses can't handle it. She might be cold, you can address that by warming the bathroom, warming towels, bath robe, etc. Try switching the time of the showers to see if that might help. Sometimes, it's just trying different things to see what works best. It could pass over time, but, maybe not.

At one point, my LO was very resistant to bathing, especially showers, but, when she arrived at MC, they worked with her for about a week and then she had no trouble with her showers. They were very experienced and knew the techniques. I recall they played music during the resident's showers. I think it helped relax them.
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