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She is so angry and combative that she refuses any kind of help. She will not do anything suggested for her problem. On the contrary she will just do the opposite. Shes 67 and this disease has been progressing for 12 years. I don't want to put her in a nursing home. Right now I actually try to ignore her. I am lost more than she is now! I keep on wondering why I haven't had a heart attack. Thanks for listening,Richie

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Richie, of course you do not want to place her in a care center! She is your life partner, your soul mate. You understand that her contrary behavior is part of her disease. You don't want to "punish" her for it!

But I'll bet you don't want to live with her and ignore her, either. Right? And you don't want to be disabled by stress to the point where you can't help her.

When a spouse has a chronic, progressive, and debilitating condition we hardly ever get what we want. So we often have to settle for whatever is least bad for all concerned.

One option would be to bring in some help. You say your wife won't accept help, but it might be worth a try, especially if she understands that this is a last-ditch effort to keep her home.

The option of a care center has to be at least explored thoroughly. It may turn out to be what is best for both of you. You could spend a lot of time with her, but as her loving husband, not as the caregiver she resents needing.

I told people that my husband has dementia, but privately I phrased it as "we have dementia." These kinds of disorders strike not only the person who has the pathology but also the spouse.

My heart goes out to you. Please keep in touch here. We care.
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Richie, I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you. Hopefully, the options include one that will work best for both of you.
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I'm so sorry. It's hard getting old and feel like you can't die fast enough to give your children a life. Trying to ignore her is best. Tough for you but compassion really is the answer. It starts with you for a few really tough weeks. When you reach her compassion. Life will change. Then the help YOU need will come. All my prayers and love. Hang in there
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You both are correct, but after 26 yrs. together it is really hard to see her leave
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I cannot believe the support and valuable info I am getting. No sooner than logging out -the phone rang and I was given so many options that it's incredible. I've started a base to work from-thanks everybody!
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You both are correct, but after 26 yrs. together it is really hard to see her leave
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Richie,
I agree with magnum. It is time for her to go to a facility for her and your best interests. A friend of mine was determined to provide care for his wife that was diagnosed at the age of 55. Her behaviors included extreme agitation and wandering; she once boarded a bus which was after he put cameras in the home. He found her relatively quickly, but she no longer would cooperate with anything she needed to do. Finally, last fall he placed her in a facility and choices were very limited as her behaviors had become very difficult if not impossible to control. My friend hated having to place her, but she had become a danger to herself and him.
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Sorry that your question has not been responded to for four hours. The spammers get in here and really mess things up which places their stuff at the top.

If you keep this up, I'm afraid that you will have a heart attack. I know you don't want to, but what has her doctor said about her going to a nursing home? How long has it been since she's seen her doctor? From your description of her needs and current behavior which will only continue to get worse, she needs a nursing home and you need for her to go to one. 1/3 of caregivers die before the person they are careing for dies. Please don't become a statistic.
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