With a diagnosis of dementia she no longer knows what is safe for her and safe for you. Placing her in Memory Care is a difficult decision, one that is not made on a whim or spur of the moment. It takes planning, thought and care.
It amazes me that care Facilities either Memory Care of Assisted Living are staffed round the clock with people that are trained, many get educational hours to keep their certification current and valid yet some how "we" expect or are expected to do the same in the home with no one usually to help, no equipment and a house that has not been built to accommodate someone in a wheelchair or using equipment.
I based planning on moving my Husband to Memory Care when it came to SAFETY. That was the one thing that would have made the decision for me. If it was no longer safe for HIM for me to care for him at home... If it was no longer safe for ME to care for him at home.... I would have made the difficult decision to place him.
other people have other triggers that would be the factor that would place their loved one. Toileting, violence, unable to transfer.... YOU make the decision that is best for YOU. If you are physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted you can not continue the way you are. It becomes dangerous. Here we are back to SAFETY again.
Placing her is not giving up. It is accepting that you can not do this alone, safely. No one WANTS to go to a Nursing Home, Memory Care but sometimes it is necessary.
With all that your wife has going on,(according to your profile)it seems like you're now to the point where you not only have to do what's best for her, but for you as well. And unfortunately that probably means that she really doesn't have a say in the matter anymore. You are probably more than burned out and are just coming to the realization that you can't continue on like you have been, and that's ok. We're all human, and we all have our breaking points. So instead of "leaving," perhaps it's time you get serious about finding the appropriate facility to place your wife in, so you can get back to just being her husband and her advocate, and let the rest of the 24/7 care fall on folks better equipped to deal with her care. I'm sure you've done a great job so far, so don't beat yourself up because you're now at the point of having to place her. You matter too, and while it will be hard to place her, in the long run you already know that it's for the best, and is what needs to be done. I wish you both the very best.
Just asking b/c if you really don't want to leave HER, but need help, maybe the answer is the 2 of you moving to an assisted living apartment, where she can get the care she needs and you can be free to come and go.
I know of many couples who have made this choice. Most of them kept the 'family home' renting it to family--or whatever works, with the idea that once the sick member of the marriage needs MORE care, or passes away--the healthier if the two can return home.
In a lot of cases, the CG dies before the one being cared for. I think it's about 35%---that's a lot.
Come back and add to your story, so we will know how to best respond.
BTW, it's NOT wrong to want your own life, and 24/7 CG is brutal on even the healthiest person.
Placing her in Memory Care is a difficult decision, one that is not made on a whim or spur of the moment. It takes planning, thought and care.
It amazes me that care Facilities either Memory Care of Assisted Living are staffed round the clock with people that are trained, many get educational hours to keep their certification current and valid yet some how "we" expect or are expected to do the same in the home with no one usually to help, no equipment and a house that has not been built to accommodate someone in a wheelchair or using equipment.
I based planning on moving my Husband to Memory Care when it came to SAFETY. That was the one thing that would have made the decision for me.
If it was no longer safe for HIM for me to care for him at home...
If it was no longer safe for ME to care for him at home....
I would have made the difficult decision to place him.
other people have other triggers that would be the factor that would place their loved one. Toileting, violence, unable to transfer....
YOU make the decision that is best for YOU.
If you are physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted you can not continue the way you are. It becomes dangerous. Here we are back to SAFETY again.
Placing her is not giving up. It is accepting that you can not do this alone, safely.
No one WANTS to go to a Nursing Home, Memory Care but sometimes it is necessary.
You are probably more than burned out and are just coming to the realization that you can't continue on like you have been, and that's ok. We're all human, and we all have our breaking points. So instead of "leaving," perhaps it's time you get serious about finding the appropriate facility to place your wife in, so you can get back to just being her husband and her advocate, and let the rest of the 24/7 care fall on folks better equipped to deal with her care.
I'm sure you've done a great job so far, so don't beat yourself up because you're now at the point of having to place her. You matter too, and while it will be hard to place her, in the long run you already know that it's for the best, and is what needs to be done.
I wish you both the very best.
Just asking b/c if you really don't want to leave HER, but need help, maybe the answer is the 2 of you moving to an assisted living apartment, where she can get the care she needs and you can be free to come and go.
I know of many couples who have made this choice. Most of them kept the 'family home' renting it to family--or whatever works, with the idea that once the sick member of the marriage needs MORE care, or passes away--the healthier if the two can return home.
In a lot of cases, the CG dies before the one being cared for. I think it's about 35%---that's a lot.
Come back and add to your story, so we will know how to best respond.
BTW, it's NOT wrong to want your own life, and 24/7 CG is brutal on even the healthiest person.