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Wow, why haven't I seen this thread before?? I've been a member of Agingcare since August, and have been in many discussions, but didn't know this Caregiver Burnout section was here and ongoing. I have a husband with declining Parkinson's Disease and Parkinson's Dementia, and I really am burnt out. I've been doing this for 10 years, but the last year has been the biggest challenge of my life. It's so hard when it's your spouse that you love so much, but you get so frustrated with them. Anyone out there that can relate??

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I am in a similar situation with my husband. It started in a way I didn't plan on…..but the anger outburst that have been there a good part of the marriage greatly increased and nothing I did was right. Finally one lead to a domestic violence call and his being arrested…I wasn't the only one who had witnessed his outbursts. I was strongly encouraged to file a report that lead to him having to be on probation for 2 yr. He attended anger management during this time and that helped a bit, but the bottom line is 5 years later, I can't maintain my health living in the same house with him. He is still able to manage for the most part in an apt, I do have to be his rep payee and keep track of Dr appts and other health issues. We are now able to "be friends" socially, but living together makes us both worse. I miss a companion by my side….but sometimes we have to make the tough choices for the good of both.
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Thank you clee2473, I agree it is very hard to watch the person you love so much deteriorate right in front of you. I try to take some time for myself but it is so hard to get away. You take care of yourself, pray and just take one day at a time, that is what I do. God Bless JAD711
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I am 61 and working from home so I can care for my husband of 41 years. He has FTD and had to quit working at 58. I feel this has been more painful being my wonderful husband rather than a parent, even though that would also be hard. I am now looking at a facility for him as it has become too hard for me and my health is suffering. I know what you are going through but you will be better off if you can take care of yourself also. the stress of watching your husband get worse is very hard to take. So take some time off for yourself too...that is the best advice anyone can give....God bless you.
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Oh Sweetie, we are all suffering through the regression of our loved ones. This is especially true when it's your husband. I have cried and cried so much that I feel I can't possible have any tears left. But I do. My husband is now in a nursing home after many months/years? of care at home. Looking back, I still can't be sure when this all started. He is now in the final stages. Today I was asked by the dietary dept. if I wanted special nutritiional drinks or feeding tube for him. OMG!! NOOO! Why would anyone want their husband to suffer an extra second? This is the most difficult thing I've ever been through and I ask God for strength for me and loving peace for him. Bless you. Sending big tight hugs. Corinne
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JAD711, I totally agree with all of the other responses. My husband has dementia and is in A.L. His family is upset with me because they believe he should be home with me. Since it would never work at home (he insists he can drive, conduct business, legal affairs, etc.) because I would not be able to handle him, physically or emotionally. I feel as though I am married to a total stranger; his sense of reasoning and judgement are gone. I feel guilty every day, but know I could not handle him at home, which was what I intended to do until the therapists, social workers, doctors, nurses convinced me it would be a mistake. He's always upset with me because he is there, because I have payee status, because I'm P.O.A. and is trying to revoke the P.O.A., etc. Every day there is another challenging issue. I visit him 4 times a week; my life has been turned upside down, even with him in A.L. where I know he is safe and taken care of; it would be much worse and out of control if I had brought him home. This illness does not just affect the patient, the entire family is affected. I was tolld I need to toughen up. It's a constant battle. I hope you have friends and family who will support you. Take care.
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Two years ago the doctor put my husband on Aricept and he voluntarily went to a care facility to spare me. He became depressed and suicidal. His daughter and I decided he shouldn't go thru this any longer, with the doc took him off the Aricept, and he has had two good years with a slow decline, but happy anyway.
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I haven't had to care for a spouse. I watched my elderly dad(82) care for mom full-time for 2+ years till her death.

Ask or check on hospice care in your area.
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Once in a while I get a glimpse of the sweet man my husband was. Most often he's a person I don't know. He looks like my husband, wears my husband's clothes, but he is not my husband. Some awful times he's a monster.The aides in the nursing home care for his body behind drawn curtains while I wait, an outsider, the laundry lady. He finds the staff ladies attractive and tells me so---says I am too old. This in between time---not really alive and not dead yet, is sometimes beautiful, sometimes exquisite torture. It's all I have left of him. I don't want it to be over----I guess I hope for healing---a moment of wholeness---without him I feel so alone. I am blessed with family and friends, but without him I feel alone in the world. I understand. God Bless you
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I have been there so I can tell you that prayer and support from your church family and friends means the world. It is important to remember to take time out for yourself whenever you can. Hug him and tell him every day that you care no matter what. I told myself many times that this episode too will pass in order to keep my sanity when things seemed to go awry. God Bless.
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I AM IN THE SAME SPOT WITH MY HUSBAND OF 56 YEARS ANd i HAVE NEVER BEEN THRU ANYTHING THIS HARD BECAUSE HE WAS ALWAYS THERE TO HELP ME. every day I see him delcine more and it breaks my heart but still there are times that I just want God to take him I am just trying to take one day at a time but it is very hard. you are not alone just reach out to people on this site it really helps.
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