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This is Leakey, thought I had everything figured out but not working the way I hoped wife(alzheimers assed level 4 secure)has been in a nice home for a month but is not adjusting cries when I leave at nite and told daughter that she hoped this (living)would not go on long &that it was like being in jail also worries that it is hard on me.there are 16 others on her floor and they are all MUCH worse than she so has no one to visit with and sleeps all the time that I am not therei go every afternoon and evening we also dance 4 afternoons a week.they do not want me to take her out for a afternoon or overnite(took her to our cottage for 2 days on weekend)and it went well(did not wander) she was a nurse so is very sharp and knowledgable about most things it's just the short term mem.that is gone she ever gets angry or disagreeable .it seems so cruel to leave her in a environment that she is not happy with.i often think that I sshould bring her home as she is not being looked after like was at home. I know my health is a concern but it sure is not easy seeing her there either .i am taking her to the cottage again this week and she is very happy about that. baseicly she is too intelligent to be placed in there.maybe I could hire a live in caregiver if that would work .thanks for listening and look foreward to some helpful ideas thanks leaky

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I get the impression that you aren't particularly happy with this facility either. Are there others that you considered? I don't have the impression that this place is particularly desirable. Perhaps you could do some more research and find one that's more accommodating to your wife.

Failing that, and I probably will go against the majority of responses here, I would consider bringing her back home, IF (a) you can handle it and (b) you can get qualified and reliable assistance at home.

There may be a time when she will need to be in a facility and require more care, but I'm getting the impression she's still cognizant and certainly sensitive.

Good luck; I hope you find an acceptable solution.
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Typo: I meant to write "One where the residents aren't as far gone in their disease". I wrote "are" instead of "aren't".
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I'm wondering how long your wife has been in the nursing home? As I'm sure you know it takes time for our loved ones to acclimate to a new environment. If she hasn't been there very long she may just need more time to adjust. Is there a way they can place her on another unit? One where the residents are as far gone in their disease? Maybe if she could make a friend or two it would be easier for her. Talk to the social worker in the nursing home and see if your wife can be moved to another wing.

I'm assuming you placed your wife in a nursing home because it was too difficult to care for her at home. If you were to bring her home you would need help in caring for her. There are home healthcare agencies that provide that kind of care. Caregivers come to the home and will help with bathing, toileting, meal preparation, medication assistance, etc. You can pick the times you would need someone. Four hours? 6 hours? 12 hours? You can get overnight caregivers as well. And then there are live-in caregivers as well. I'm a nurse for a home healthcare agency and I always recommend that people go through an agency to find a caregiver. Getting a caregiver on your own is a lot of work with many variables to consider. If you go with an agency all of that is taken care of for you.

As much as your wife loves visiting with you outside of the nursing home it may not be in her best interest to keep bringing her to your cottage, at least for right now. If she is going to stay in the nursing home she needs to get used to it, as harsh as that sounds.
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