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My grandpa, 84 yo, recently lost his wife of 61 years to an aggressive brain tumor in March 2015. We had some time, 3 months, before her passing to help assist grandpa with getting up to speed with household management as grandma handled everything household related.


Within a month after her passing, grandpa met a woman at the senior center and after one visit, she quickly became a regular household visitor. Grandpa would take her to expensive restaurants several times a week which was very uncharacteristic of his financial expenditures. It was within a week of their meeting that he was confronted and warned by someone at the senior center of her money scheming intentions. But grandpa, deathly afraid of being all alone, refused to take heed. Needless to say, the family is not happy at all.


Fast forward 5 months, she is at his residence every day. She has requested he buy her glasses, take her on vacations, buy her a new car, take her gaming (and give her money to gamble because "she is luckier at the casino when she gambles with other's money") and she recently asked him to add her to his checking accounts. We've done a little research on her background and found she has a gambling addiction, previous troubles with unpaid taxes, SEC8 housing, and a bad reputation for being a swindler. She has convinced grandpa that his family is awful and only wants his money. He has met with a lawyer and revoked his children's financial access. From what we can tell, he's out a minimum of $40K in 5 months without any explanation of where the money has gone.


Lawfully, there is nothing the family can do about this as he is willing giving money to her. While we, the extended family, can clearly see her true intentions, Grandpa desperately doesn't want to be alone so gives in to all of her requests. He has stopped taking his medications and refuses to see a doctor. Soon, we imagine, he'll stop taking our phone calls as well as she has convinced him that his family is no good.


While he is quickly loosing his entire life savings, we feel like we are losing the patriarch of our family.


Is there anything we can do?

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Legally, I don't know what you could do unless you have evidence that she is in fact manipulating him financially.

However, you could contact APS and ask them to investigate. It might scare the woman enough to back off; but it might also alienate you from your grandfather.

And there might be a legitimate medical issue since he's no longer taking meds and won't see a doctor. That might be part of her plan, to accelerate the deterioration in his health.

What I would do though is take the research you've done (which I also would have done myself), see perhaps a local law enforcement officer to see if he/she can pull a more detailed credit report, and then if necessary see an elder law or even a criminal attorney to determine if there are any other options to pursue.

I would also run her name as well as any aliases if you're aware of some through the local district and county court clerk lists of cases to see if anyone has filed a civil suit or if she's been charged in a criminal action.

If she's in Sec. 8 housing, I'm assuming the landlord would be paying the taxes as she would be a renter. You could research to find out who that is and ask if she's current with her rent. I don't think it would hurt to let her know you're wise to her manipulations.

I don't think you could get any information on whether her income taxes are current.

This woman moves fast - $40K in 5 months is a pretty swift pace. You might want to ask law enforcement officers if there's a special task force or squad that deals with predators of seniors. Maybe the state police or attorney general could help along that line as well, or even the FBI (I'm remembering the movie "Black Widow").

Are you aware of any men she's scammed who have died fairly quickly after she's become involved? On the other hand, if she picks older men, there are always health issues that could be considered a dominant factor anyway.

Retirement Living TV (RLTV) has aired programs on senior scamming. You might check their website and search programs to see if any information can be gained from their presentations.

The other option would be more drastic and that's to file for guardianship. If he doesn't have dementia, he certainly is displaying a lack of prudent financial management. If you do get guardianship, you can ask the local court to issue a PPO against her.

Or, you could hire a private investigator, who could discreetly make his presence known so that she's aware she's under scrutiny. It might scare her off.

Good luck; please let us know what you learn. This kind of situation is always troubling and frightening.
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Agree with all Garden Artist's ideas and have one more to add. Line up EVERYONE in your family and friends that you trust. Try to have 'visitors' at Grandpa's constantly. See if you can (quietly) remove her number from his contacts list. Check caller ID to see how often she is calling. Take Grandpa out ... to a local youth sports event, a different senior center, to church/house of worship events, etc. If he is busy, he will be happy. If she can't get money from him, she may move on. Have someone try to remove any items of value from his home. This may take some time, focus on small items first. Put these items in a safe for safe keeping. It is REALLY time for everyone to keep him company.
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Is there any money to pay a Caregiver who can keep an eye on him and would need to be by his side at all times? The sweetheart wouldn't like a 3rd person watching over him. It seems that Grandpa is hanging onto this woman because he doesn't like to be alone.
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Thank you, both, for your recommendations, advice and support. I believe it's the family's intent to seek out legal support at this point. We have increased our visits with regular pop in visits. Unfortunately, none of these meetings go well because she is present. She has been untruthful to us and allusive with her personal information.
We've arranged activities for Grandpa which would get him out of the house and away from this woman. But in the end, she manages to come along and 'be his companion'. We find it all very manipulative as she is closely guarding her position. He and [late] Grandma has set up joint checking with certain family members but recently revoked access to all so that we do not have visibility into his finances. He's also placed a lock on his office door so no one can access his computer or files. It's become evident in recent encounters that she has turned him against us as a family. She said his family is the worst she has ever seen.

We've contacted a local agency hotline for vulnerable adults and reported her actions but since this doesn't appear to have obvious criminal characteristics, it's nothing law enforcement can do other than regular welfare checks.

The health concerns are very troubling! We also have an inclination of possible onset of dementia due to wild hallucinations he's had recently. At his last check up, he failed to mention this to the doctor and walked away with a clean bill of health (and reminder to take his meds). We rescheduled another appointment to have a family member present and he now refuses to go.

It's hard because Grandma, in her dying days, was really worried about not being there to care for him. This is something we are doing because he's family and we are continuing to pursuit because of her wish. However, we feel powerless in helping. The relationship and environment has become nothing short of hostile.
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Regarding a constant caretaker, I find it a wonderful idea. In fact, my uncle [grandpa's eldest son] told him he was going to move in to the house. Grandpa outright refuses.

We have also conducts extensive DIY internet research on her. We did find out she has alias names. It may be time to hire a professional PI.
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Great ideas to keep him busy and occupied with family, who can also monitor the scheming woman.

With aliases, I'm wondering if you couldn't get help from law enforcement. It's not normal for people (other than actors, actresses, etc.) to need a number of aliases. I'm guessing there may be some criminal activity involved under the other aliases.

I agree it's time for a PI. In fact, if the PI wasn't necessarily discreet but managed to make it clear he/she was surveiling this woman, it might discourage her.

I hate to see someone be deemed incompetent and placed under jurisdiction of a court, but that might be a step that's necessary to keep this schemer away. It's still hard for me to believe that she doesn't have a criminal record.
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OK, so you know she had used several names, and she horns in all family visits? So next time, front of Gpa, show her some printouts and ask about them. Say.. it has come to our attention that....why is this the case? Are you in witness protection or something? Yes he may be upset, but she will know you are onto her. The time for finesse is OVER. Flat out tell her others have filled you in.. you have contacted Dr, whatever it takes.If you can not scare her off, keep the visitors in the house. Move Uncle in anyway.. have him plead "nowhere to go"...
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You guys are the greatest! When we had reached out through the vulnerable adult hotline to report what was happening, the police involvement reviewed the details and conducted a welfare check (grandpa not home at the time) and nothing else happened. Because of the situation, there wasn't an obvious or punishable crime. However, I think this feel a bit short being that this woman's background wasn't reviewed. We suspect there is something on file. There has been a couple occasions where we [family] ran into this woman at grandpa's and an argument has broken out. Twice, we've come to the point of calling the police while there and she immediately leaves.
She is aware that we've been researching her and it doesn't scare her away as we had hoped. She won't easily back off because she knows he's an easy target. He's entirely co-dependent and severely vulnerable. She has 5x more exposure and accessibility to him than we do collectively as a family because everyone works FT. When we arrange outings for him, she sabotages it by cancelling his plans, changing plans or joining him. When we schedule volunteer opportunity or make lunch plans with him, she has something urgent he needs to tend to.

My mother made a comment that she feels she is mourning the loss of another parent this year. Sadly, it's true. I believe we'll consult a lawyer to see how to proceed. I've strongly recommended a PI involvement. We really need more solid information on our suspicions of this woman.
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Aliases - plural??? You've gotten terrific suggestions already. Your grandfather comes from a generation that deeply trusted law enforcement. Many private investigators are retired law enforcement. They have that presence - like Kojak. My added suggestion is find a PI (preferably one who looks like Telly Savalas - just kidding) who is willing to make house calls with you to your grandfather's house. Perhaps someone like that can get through to him? I agree with Pam - the time for playing nice is OVER. It's a real shame that law enforcement waits until a crime has been committed to get involved. Is there a way you can publicly shame her? Like find out what fancy restaurant he's taking her to and be there with the PI? And whoever from your family is taking your grandfather out has every right to show her the door because there's just no place for her. Insert yourself and assert yourself. I wish you lots of luck.
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I was really bothered by your post. People who prey on old people are scum even if they themselves are old. I did a little research and discovered that the FBI investigates and collects data on sweetheart romance schemes. Look up their Internet Crime Complaint Center. The website is www.ic3.gov.

It also occurred to me that the senior center should be confronted because that's where she "works" on people like your grandfather. I would not hesitate to confront the director of the senior center, tell the director what's been happening between your grandpa and this woman, and see what the director knows about her like whether or not she's new in town or has a history with men there. I would also not hesitate to ask the director to help you work with local authorities. Senior centers are supposed to be where seniors can socialize safely. The last thing a senior center director wants is bad publicity.
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Thank you for your suggestions. We have contacted the senior center on two occasions: first to see if they knew anything about this woman and again when we confirmed what was happening. But I feel it is time to play a little hardball with them as well because this should be a safe place for seniors. If nothing else, they can be educated. We've contacted the APS today to start an investigation. I am not overly confident this will produce any results since they focus more on facility and caretaker neglect. So we'll cross our fingers. I've strongly encouraged the family members to consider a PI. We have a consultation with a lawyer next week. This is a very scary time. This woman (yes, 3 alias names too) has really convinced him to quit tell details to his family because when he does, we confront her. We are very close from being shut out because of her manipulation. I find it utterly frustrating that, legally, nothing can happen. This is textbook exploitation.
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I'm assuming (unless I missed something) that your grandfather hasn't executed any powers of attorney under which any of you could act?

If not, this may or may not work, but it might be worth a try. Visit the bank at which he has checking accounts, with any documentation or police reports you might have, and explain the situation. Bankers can check the endorsements on any checks GF's given her, and advise of the name(s) of her banks, aliases if she endorses them that way, and account numbers.

It's a long shot though unless you know the bankers and they know you, or unless someone in the family has power under a DPOA. However, you can also (a) write a letter to the bank's fraud division and explain the situation. They might not do anything, but they might flag your GF's account for moitoring. (b) Ask a PI to do this (someone might be able to find a way), who could also contact her banks and advise them that she's scamming and using their bank to shield the ill begotten funds.

I'm wondering also if there are any far reaching provisions of the Patriot Act that could be invoked by law enforcement to take a peek at her assets.

I think I would be pretty firm with the Senior Center about banning her ( perhaps after you get her out of GF's life as until then a PI might use her presence there as a lead to see what else she's up to when she goes elsewhere). Senior Centers are funded, and if their funding is scrutinized b/c of allowing someone with a known bad reputation, it could affect their mission to serve elders in the community.

Do some research to see if there are any corporate or public donors, contact them and let them know of your concerns. I'm guessing they would be pretty quick to act in directing the senior center to address this woman's use of the facilities to find victims.

Maybe even someone on the township board or city council would be concerned that this woman has used the senior center. They would have had either actual or at least constructive knowledge of a potential scam taking place through their facilities.
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Have you contacted the FBI, as was suggested by a previous poster?
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Just quickly skimmed over the answers and remembered that she lives in Section 8 housing and has past issues with unpaid taxes. Were these unpaid income taxes?

So what does she does with all the money? Maybe HUD, or even the IRS, would be interested in knowing that she has enough money to pay for market rentals. Maybe some anonymous letters to appropriate federal departments, such as fraud departments, might get some federal interest going?
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There's a book my friend sent me: "1001 Ways to have a pest free Property."
One concept inspired me. What the critters, ants, pests don't like is what you use against them.
You will have to think about it.
Does the woman drive? Has she ever had a flat tire while driving gpa?
She is bold, rude. You be bolder, much more rude.

Instead, get a background check, spend the money and stop wondering about.
What would you do if a criminal moved into your house? Make her life miserable.

Sorry.
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Support4Gpa, this is so upsetting. What a nightmare to have to watch your sweet Gpa being taken advantage of. I chased off a paid aide who became obsessed with dad and a so called family friend who was trying to get dad to sign stuff over. I just threatened to call the authorities and poof, they were gone! Warn her that you notified the Elder Abuse Hotline and if all else fails, make her sign a legal document from the family lawyer that she will never contact Gpa and pay her to get lost. She has done this before and she will look for another easy mark.
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I think it may be time to start the process of getting guardianship. BUT....

If he's still considered competent, he can do what he wants with his funds, but he needs to sign a legal - looking paper for you, the family, that he understands that gifting money now will result in in eligibility for Medicaid later, and that you, the family, will not be providing housing or care for him when he needs it.

I would play hardball with Both of them.
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Give her a 1099 form to file with the IRS to account for all the money gpa has spent on her. You send a copy to the IRS, twice. And, a copy to the administrator of her section 8, and welfare.
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This whole thing makes me just sick. We contacted APS yesterday. They were very quick to call Grandpa and ask him various physical competency questions such; can you walk? Can you cook? Can you drive? ect. They quickly determined he is capable of caring for himself and that's pretty much where it ends. the social worker at APS said that we NEED to find a way of obtaining guardianship. Grandpa won't go to any more drs appointments as he believes we are all out to get him (I partially blame her brainwashing and also suspect the onset of dementia as well). He and grandma were always very well prepared and had put in place POA on all their assets years ago. But about a month ago, he revoked it all.
About her finances, she brings in $1600 a month (pension?) and after bills, she has $600 remaining which she uses for gambling as she has told grandpa. From what we understand, coming from her, is that she has resolved all tax issues. I did find a form online with the IRS to report tax fraud (IE - unreported gambling wins). Grandpa feels threatened by his family's intervention. I am feel it just pushes him more closer to her. We've threatened her but she won't budge. She has a firm mental grip on him. We make attempts to help him but it always escalated and in the end, she wins. She revealed her cards. She has convinced him that his family is no good for him. we spoke with the director of the senior center in full detail yesterday. They are very passive and say they will 'keep a lookout for her'. I like the suggestion of reaching out to the financial contributors. This is an issue and other seniors there are aware of it. On two accounts, she has been described as a money chaser/scammer/gold digger by attendees at the center.
We told grandpa that if he just stopped giving her money, she'll go away eventually. But, he won't. I told the family that maybe they need to have a whole family intervention with him: Choose Your family or her. But I know, it's going to be hard for them (his children particularly) to 'lose' another parent. They really are still grieving hard for her loss. It was exactly a year ago yesterday that we found out about her brain tumor:-(
I pulled up court records on her yesterday. Only speeding tickets found under one name. I'll really like to find her children! Reason 100 for a PI. On to find the senior center financial contributors...........
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Well, so much for APS, yet if it were her family who were doing this, they'd probably be all over you with harassment and menacing charges.

I think there's a fine line between being snowed by a scammer and not being able to determine that a scam is taking place. Maybe it is time for guardianship.

One other thing you might try is to have GP ask her how she plans to take care of him if/when he becomes unable to walk, is incontinent, and needs 24/7 care.

Maybe you can even leverage that concept - create a document for her to sign to agree to provide care for him and ask him to have her sign it. Maybe if you explain that you and the family won't be able to do this if his funds are given away, so he'll have to rely on her.

I honestly wouldn't believe anything this woman says, including that she's allegedly resolved her tax earnings. As a good, honest citizen, I think there's still an obligation to report what you may believe is fraud against the government - that's a realistic way of viewing the situation.

I'd be pretty ticked off at the senior center management. Passivity if not blind eye are the terms I would use.

You know, there will come a time when he needs physical assistance, and I'm guessing she isn't even going to be there to take him to a doctor or ER. But he needs to see this for himself. Sometimes that painful moment is the wake-up moment.

Thanks for the update, and please keep us posted. And yes, go for the PI. Maybe one of the local police officers can recommend one.
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The Senior Center is owned by the city. I have contacted the director of Human Resources regarding this situation and the probability of other victims at the center as well. We suspect at least two others were scammed.
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Way to go! Good for you. Going up the chain of command apparently is necessary, especially since this woman appears to be a serial scammer.

I'm wondering if there are any elections in the city this year. Elder fraud might be an interesting topic to address in someone's platform.

I don't know what fraud charges might be different given that she's an individual serial predator, but just to throw out a suggestion... the RICO Act (Racketeer Influenced Corrupt Practices Act) has been used by the Feds to go after serial criminals (read mobsters) and has, I understand, also been expanded to similar crimes. It's my understanding that some individual criminal acts became difficult to prove, but RICO addresses serial crimes, committed as part of a "pattern of crimes." Seems to fit this woman.

And congratulations for pursuing this issue; I think it can be frustrating to be met with such intransigence by people who should be concerned.
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Thank you! I haven't thought about going through the political route. However, I did contact the DOJ with my frustration and lack of support on this. No response from DOJ as of yet. Case and Point - I heard back from the director of Human Services for the city that manages the senior center and they will be sure the account is "noted of the incident." They said they have no record of her ever attending the Senior Center, which is a red flag to me, and recommended I call the police. Again, the route has already been exhausted. I contacted the FBI today.

Meanwhile at Grandpa's, he has changed all the locks on his house. I believe 'she' either convinced him and/or his paranoia/delusions are increasing. He really needs to see a doctor.
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You are doing a mitzveh, a good deed. And the old saying goes no good deed goes unpunished.

Did your grandpa properly revoke the POA? Did he do it in writing, have it signed by you in front of a notary public, and have it delivered to the attorney and third parties? I'm not an attorney but I know it's not as easy as just tearing up the paper.

I can't believe that HE changed the locks. Maybe he PAID for it but I cannot imagine that it was your grandpa's idea. Regardless - what's done is done. Now we have to figure out ways to help you get inside his house again or to get him out of the house long enough to talk some sense into him.

A few ideas. Throw a party in memory of grandma. Maybe that will snap him out of it and bring him back to his senses. Surely he wouldn't bring her to it and if he did it's the perfect time to have a family intervention.

The town owns the senior center? Write a Letter to the Editor of your local newspapers and tell them your story and how unhelpful officials have been at helping you protect grandpa.

Make flyers and post them all over town - at the grocery store, dry cleaners, hardware store, library, liquor store - with HER face on it asking if anyone knows this woman to call you. Send the flyer to senior centers in neighboring townships because she probably travels within a certain radius to find her victims. While you're at it, send the flyer with a letter to John Walsh, the host of America's Most Wanted.

Is there anyone at the police station you can talk to even if it's just to get a referral to a private investigator?

Is grandpa religious? Was grandma religious??? If so, ask them to help you reach out to grandpa.

You can do all these things while starting the process of going to the courts to get custody. Even if you lose it will eat up a lot of time and bring a lot of unwanted scrutiny to them both and maybe she'll move on.

You're doing the right thing. Don't give up - even if grandpa gives up on you. Keep up the great work!!!!
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NYDIL, good suggestions, especially the idea of a party for Grandma.

Just one comment on precautions if Support puts up flyers: don't include anything disparaging as given this woman's aggressiveness, she might turn around and take actions against the family on the basis of libel and/or character defamation. She seems aggressive enough to turn something around against someone and profit from it.

Support, I don't to heighten your anxiety level, but I have a concern about GF's changing of the locks. If he doesn't have a lock box, and anything happens to him that requires emergency treatment, none of the family or even emergency responders would be able to get access without breaking in.

Or perhaps that's part of the Black Widow's plan. I'm not intending to be maudlin or add additional levels of anxiety, but, honestly, every time I think about this post it really bothers me that someone can go after someone and block out family contact so completely. This woman is some kind of determined criminal.

I keep thinking of the movie of the same name; in that case the BW changed her hair color, name, and created fictitious backgrounds every time she found a new mark.

I'm wondering if the Senior Center Black Widiw has a criminal history in other states.
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These scammers are despicable. This happened with an uncle in my husband's family as well. In the end they took everything. Many excellent suggestions in previous posts. Glad you and the family are trying every angle of attack.

One thing I did not see mentioned. These scammers often work in groups. There is often an enticing person who endears him or her self to the victim. They may work in cahoots with some one who knows how to quickly manipulate financial and legal information stolen from the victims. They are pros. In the case in our family they were on the scene mere days after the uncle was widowed. We were immediately suspicious and even contacted an attorney, but the uncle and his late wife's sister trusted this group who called themselves a church. This group quickly arranged for a housekeeper/caregiver who the uncle fell for within weeks. Long story short, the uncle was wiped out within a few months and died not long after. The scammers had already disappeared.

Trust no one involved with that woman. Track down and investigate her family and even her friends at the senior center. Good luck!
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Magdalena, thanks for sharing this horrifying story. This is really frightening.

I'm wondering now if Support's GF is in contact with only one of a group of scammers. Raises a lot of new questions.

But I am sorry to learn that your family was victimized by scammers. That must have been so frustrating. Did the police ever get involved and were any of these people ever caught?

I've just been reminded of some families who do this, moving around to keep out of law enforcement's radar.
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Yes the police were notified as well as Adult Protective Services. The series of events happened so quickly and were quite a bit more detailed than what I wrote. These parasites are everywhere and lay in wait for every opportunity. I would imagine someplace like a senior center is as good a place as any to hunt their prey.
We (the victim's two nephews and families) tried to intervene as best we could from out of state. Both my husband and his cousin made multiple trips to try to help. But legal efforts came too late. The vermin disappeared and were never caught. They left him almost destitute and he died soon after. The uncle's estate was worth about $300K.
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Magdalena, that must have been so frustrating and devastating for your family. These people clearly were accomplished crooks; it sounds as if they have a method and scenario worked out from significant practice.

Without prying or making you feel uncomfortable, I'm wondering if the FBI was informed, or any national task force on fraud? I suspect these people may move from town to town or even state to state, and unless there's a pattern detected by multiple law enforcement departments or at state and national level, they could get away with their activities for some time. I'm guessing they change their names as often as they change their locations.

Frustrated and your posts have been very sad and unsettling, but also insightful and helpful, and have helped me make a decision that I've been considering, which is not to print obituaries in newspapers or online, and specifically make it a part of any funeral contract I sign that there will be no public notification. I might even require that posting of the funeral in the funeral's website be withheld.

The people who need to know are ones I'll be contacting anyway, there can be a memorial sheet of relevant facts for attendees, and no one who isn't contacted need be aware of empty houses of relatives on the funeral day, empty house of the deceased, or who any of the relatives are.
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What great conversation, thank you. My dad met a female after my mum died through a dating agency, she's only a few years younger than him, he's 90. He has been unwell for several years. This female refuses to do any personal care, shopping or anything useful as far as I can see but spends his money like water! An apartment, a car, setting her nephew up in business! When he was diagnosed with bowel and liver cancer, she suggested a nursing home (all heart). I got him home and moved in with him, he still gives her money, lots! It does cause problems as he doesn't pay me. I have informed GP's, Macmillan etc but there doesn't appear to be anything I can do. Shortly I will have to go back to work and I'm very fearful of what will continue to happen.
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