Why would hospice tell my sister to stop feeding my brother-in-law?

To be frank I think that there may be something missing here. I cannot imagine a nurse or anyone else of ANY kind, in or out of hospice, saying such a thing. It makes utterly no sense.
Your sister, I am certain will not pay attention to this, and she should ask immediately for some clarification as to what she understood the "woman from hospice" to have said.
Someone who is alert, is swallowing well, and wishes to eat would never have food withheld in my long long experience as a nurse.
Often things get heard wrong, or repeated wrong, or get understood wrong by the third person. It is much like that game where one person whispers a statement to someone, and that person to the next, and by the time it makes the rounds the statement bears no resemblance to the first words uttered.
Simply ask your Sister to speak to those in hospice for clarification of what she understood this person to have said.
If it WAS in fact said it would be grounds for INSTANT dismissal.

Please call hospice, and ask for a different nurse. I worked for a hospice many years ago. The only time food or drink is withheld was when the patient could no longer swallow. Hospice is comfort care for the patient and family. Even if u just don’t like this nurse they will send someone else. Prayers coming your way. Never easy.

I can’t help but feel that we only received the Coles Notes version of this story. I think more info or a more detailed retelling is in order to get a fuller picture.

Maybe its what she is feeding him. With my Mom, I cut out coffee and apple juice. Both did a # on her. Is he given sugar free candy? The Sorbitol in it will cause problems.

I agree, a Nurse should not be giving sarcastic remarks. I think I would call her supervisor and ask for a different nurse. Just may not a good fit.

Hospice is there to provide comfort care to your BIL during his end of life transition process; not to cause trouble or problems. Call the administrative head of the company if you feel the nurse was honestly telling your sister to withhold food from her husband.......actually, have your SISTER or BIL call to complain, and see what they have to say. I'm sure the nurse was being sarcastic in response to your sister complaining *as said in your profile*, but if you feel it wasn't said in jest, then definitely have either of them call to complain. And remember, hospice can be fired for any reason at any time if it's felt that their services are cruel or hastening death in any way, as we read here continuously.

It sounds like the woman was just making a point sarcastically or even jokingly, as your sister was probably talking about her husband messing his pants, as hospice will never tell someone to keep food from a person who is not actively dying.
And I certainly hope your sister isn't withholding food or water from her husband as that would be cruel and unusual punishment. When he is in fact "dying" he will no longer want food or drink, and it can actually cause great pain if either is forced on him.
Perhaps your sister needs to hire an aide to come and put her husband on a bedside commode, so he can poop in that instead of his pants.
I had to do that for my husband when he was completely bedridden the last 22 months of his life and under hospice care, and it sure made my life much easier. The aide would put him on it, hold him up when he was done, so I could wipe/clean him, and then she put him back in the bed. She may want to give that a try.

Report it immediately and get another hospice provider.

If he wants to eat let him eat (that’s what hospice giving people quality of life means).

I don’t care what the hospice nurse was responding to (as far as why she made the comment and in front of the patient) giving and protecting the patients dignity and best quality of life is her job - I would immediately request she never come back and start looking for another hospice provider. I am so sorry either of them had to deal with such behavior. Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

At end of life, it is typical that patients quit eating and drinking. However, having BMs in the pants is not in itself a reason. If he wants to eat (versus being semi-force fed via syringe) then that should be a priority.

OP, hospice nurse should not have given you advice like that. Was this hospice a for profit like Vitas Healthcare? Their other and original segment was Roto-Rooter, which has made it a profession to rip both their employees and customers off. I would tell anyone on VITAS to transition their LOs immediately, as this company is almost evil.

I think she was responding to something said about his incontinence. Read what you wrote she said.

If your sister is continually complaining about him messing himself, just maybe this was a sarcastic response to her complaints.

Obvioulsy you don't deny food and water but, being bedbound means messes that the caregiver has to clean up.