My mom is 64 she has been disabled since she was 38 years old in the last 3 years though she has refused to sleep in her bed and sleeps sitting up in the last couple of month she has woke up many times and not known who I am. She takes many medications for her breath because she has COPD, Emphysema and Asthma made more advanced by smoking for nearly 48 years plus she takes meds to keep the swelling down in her body and fluid from around her heart. In the last two weeks I give her nebulizer and she is shaking so bad she can't hold it in her mouth she won't take her inhaler she spits our her lasix for her swelling. She has not bathed in two years she will not let me help her into the tub and she will not take a sponge bath. She refuses to change her clothes the ones she has on are quite crusty. I have even offered to buy her new cloths just like the ones she has on and she refused.What can I do she refuses to go to assisted living or a care facility and I'm scared of what is going to happen to her if she keeps doing what she's doing and I'm exhausted from trying and my big sister can't help because she works full time and has a family.
You took care of her for a very long time - be proud of that.
Now it will be time to look after you. Treat yourself kindly. I hope your sister & you can help each other. ((Big hugs)).
Have you got good Doctor? I would explain all this to the Doctor & ask for help.
A review of her health might show the way forward.
You can have someone come in and bathe her.
Tell her this is a non negotiable point if she wants to continue to live with you, or the other option is to find a Memory Care facility and place her for her own safety and health and well being. (yeah and I just said she can not make decisions so...)
You need to care for yourself and it sounds like caring for your mom is a full time job and you need help doing it. So a Caregiver would help, even 2 times a week to come bathe and help mom dress and change the bedding. You need to do this for yourself.
If she puts up a fuss then you need to truly consider placing her in a facility that will provide the care that she needs.
You can't do much right now, as far as moving her to assisted living or a NH. They just aren't accepting new patients.
If she has not bathed in 2 years, she is probably really smelly. Like, beyond smelly and has many layers of dead skin and yuck all over her.
Sounds like it really doesn't MATTER what SHE wants at this point. She could be declared incompetent and the state will take care of her--or at least give you the power to have her placed. A NH WILL get her clean and cared for.
What will happen to her at the rate she is going is that she is going to die, either a slow agonizing death or a quick one. Either way, w/o meds and proper diet and care, she will not live 20 more years.
Get Big Sister on board to help you help mom. You're going to need to be very, very tough with her. And you will need the support but it's no darn fun.
Good Luck, and do come back as things go forward.
Two years with no bathing, and wearing the same clothes screams of self neglect. Good Luck