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I was on my fathers checking acct. for 8 yrs until I needed to apply for med. assist. I was told that I was over income because of my name on his account. It was suggested that if dad and I got POA papers and took my name off checking that I would be eligible. Dad said ok so long as we could keep on like we had been doing past 8 yrs. I got online, printed POA paper and we went to notary and signed the papers. Prior to taking POA papers to assistance office I found out husband (we were separated) could not take me off his insurance as he had told me. So, in essence, I would have still been on my dads accounts had it not been for this incident. For the next 11 yrs we continued on in the same manner as prior to the POA. At some point I looked the papers over and told Dad, it stated I needed to keep account of everything. We didn't realize there were different types of POA. He said "I don't care what that paper says. You just keep on doing what your doing. This is my money and my business and I'll do whatever I want with it." We continued on in this manner until his death. After Dad's will came out and it wasn't to one of my brothers liking he made this accusation against me. Now he's requesting Dad's accounting of which Dad told me was not necessary because it was his money and he could do as he pleased. I do not understand if Dad would have even made such a statement to him why didn't he try to help him locate it? As I stated earlier he wasn't happy with dads will and I said to be fair we should all get a quarter. His reply to that was if he'd known that last week he wouldn't have had to do what he did. Requesting bank account info. On top of this the brother and sister who hadn't spoke for many yrs. became best friends in a couple of hrs. Lowest blow they've come up with is Dad was racist and would never give my adopted African American daughter anything. In the real world they were very close and the bond they shared can never be taken away. I just can't believe family members would stoop so low.

Did your dad use a tax preparer to file his taxes? If so, they would have copies in their files of all of the documentation provided to them. If not, maybe there is a way to get copies from the IRS?
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Were you living with your father and providing hands-on caregiving? What does the will say, and how much money is involved? If the estate were divided four ways, then why would there be anything for your daughter?

You say this brother lives with you. Does he contribute towards his upkeep (room and board) in any way? Surely you don't provide hands-on caregiving for him, too? You say it is your calling, but are you sure that's YOUR idea of your calling, or your father's misguided idea of your calling (since he's the one who wanted you to do it)? "Dad told me to do and get for him whatever he needed or wanted" doesn't sound like the calling is coming from your perspective. Maybe Dad should have been taking care of his own son instead?
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Sammysunny Feb 14, 2019
The money he gifted to my daughter was before his death.
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You separated from your husband and believing you would therefore need to arrange your own health cover you applied for Medassist. At that point it was explained to you that your being a signatory to your father's bank accounts implied that your income (even though it was your father's income) made you ineligible; so you and your father organised a power of attorney so that you could continue to manage his finances for him; but then you didn't need the Medassist after all because your cover under your estranged husband's insurance continued.

Net result: continued health insurance for you as was, but now a notarised POA instead of shared bank account, as a kind of side-effect. Anything I've misunderstood?

The point being that your father was perfectly happy to trust you with the spending of his money and didn't want anything tinkered with; and had it not been for the - as it turned out, redundant - Medassist application that situation would have continued to your father's complete satisfaction.

Your father was in fact comfortable with this arrangement for nearly twenty years, all told; and there were no financial problems, and nobody questioned it, and all was well.

Then after you lost your father, and that is always a low point in anybody's life, his will stated... what? What set the cat among the pigeons?

When did your father make his will? Who handled this for him?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the idea of your brother's attempting to contest the will on the grounds that your father was too confirmed a racist to recognise his adoptive granddaughter. You can't libel the dead, so there is no remedy for his repellant accusation against his own father, unfortunately; but the very idea that this argument would carry any weight with a court in the 21st century would be hysterical if it weren't so contemptible.

Now then. You do have a problem and you must seek legal advice about how to handle it.

Your father's approach was one of straightforward and absolute trust in you. That, especially because it went on for so very long, is a sort of testimony in your favour; but.

His money, he could do as pleased with it, no need to change anything, nobody's business but his: all of these things are fine, and true. The difficulty you have is twofold.

One: none of his arguments actually stopped you keeping records. You could have kept detailed and complete records without in any way challenging his right to privacy or freedom of action or anything else. He may have felt there was no need, but how could it have hurt to do it?

And Two: you knew there was a need. You read and understood the requirements of the POA. I can't see any legal authority being too impressed with your father's argument that his wishes overrode your legal responsibilities. Personally, I'm not too impressed that your father wilfully refused to see the need to cover your behind and led you astray on this point. I'm sure he meant only to prove his trust in you and reassure you that you were doing the job he wanted you to do; but at best he was obstinately naïf.

This is actually nothing to do with your brother's repulsiveness. The principle is that you had responsibilities, and you are now accountable for how you fulfilled them, and if you are called to account you will have to comply or potentially be in serious trouble.

Don't panic, but DO get advice. There will be other ways of putting together a full account of where your father's money went, but you need to go about it in a methodical way and demonstrate your willingness to co-operate. Whatever you do, don't confuse your family's shenanigans with the legal system's legitimate demands - your family are playing silly buggers but the courts are not. Be careful. Get your behind covered.
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Sammysunny Feb 14, 2019
I have answered and cooperated. Went so far as to write the bank for check images. I did not keep a "log" of dads banking per say but we did have reciepts or checks for all of this time frame as Dad needed it for tax filing. Unfortunately after dads passing my sister and I cleaned out dads house and these were disposed of. We never gave a thought it would be needed. The 2 siblings ask if I would sign a paper stating that I would split everything with them.I guess my answer did not reach their ears soon enough because they went to see an attorney. So through the lawyer they have requested an accounting of which I am doing. Stated if it was to their liking they would drop it. Crazy how something like this brought the 2 siblings who hadn't spoke to one another for 10+yrs are tight now since the will was not what they expected.One of them was insistent that I take dad so he could do the will he said was needed. She told me I better take him as he ask because she said she knew the brother was going to be hell. She stated that he had told her at their blowout yrs ago that he'd make sure we got nothing.The day dad passed she said she felt sorry for me cause brother was going to be horrible. She said she would stand behind me and all was well till the will came out. She said she couldn't believe it cause she thought her and dad had a good relationship the last 2 years. I did not agree with what dads last requests were either and I told them I felt it was only fair to share amongst us equally. I wanted to clarify the brother that lives with me stated to me that he knows there was never a time that I did anything that dad didn't tell me to do or know about. I will continue to do my best to fulfill their requests no matter how petty. Said dad would not of ever bought anything from Home Depot cause there was nothing he needed.
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Believe it. Siblings can get very nasty.
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Reply to Twillie
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What?!? Why would you subject your daughter to that hatefulness?

You should honor dads will and when your vile brother gets his inheritance he can find a new place to live.

I don't believe anyone is called to be in a situation that damages children.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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You need to talk to an attorney. I don't think your brother even has a right to this information, but I could be wrong. And he is probably making this "accusation" up to begin with. that is why any accusation requires proof, and the fact that your dad trusted you right up until he passed IS proof, but it's on your side!! You are being generous in being willing to divide things equally, but what he said about your daughter and her grandpa not wanting to leave her anything because of her race is totally disgusting and disrespectful to your father and his relationship with his grandchild! I would personally try and make sure he didn't get one cent because of this. Yes it's vindictive, but some things really rattle my cage!!!
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Reply to katydid1
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Sammysunny Feb 13, 2019
Thanks for your input. It hurts to think they would stoop that low. I've also had my brother living with me for the past 5-6 years. Dad told me to do and get for him whatever he needed or wanted. He has health problems so in the midst of this I am taking care of him. Not complaining .I feel it's my calling to do this. Just unreal that family could be so nasty.
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