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My mother wit Alzheimer's has been in her assisted living facility for over a month now. She calls me constantly wanting me to come and get her and bring her to my house for a few hours. I try to keep it to every 3 days and gradually taper from that (just to acclimate her to the facility), but how do I keep from feeling guilty if I do not? My family is desperately trying to get back to normal and I am worn out!

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eventually my mom will need intensive / extensive care and i view NH at that point as hospitalization minus the hospital. mom understands that she will need bedside, 24 hour care, in shifts at that point. even a concerted family effort probably wouldnt result in the medical care that she'll need. im guilt free in advance and instead being thankful for the time at home that im making possible.
the self esteem of maturity is neither grandiose nor omnipotent but accompanied by an awareness of ones own human frailties and limitations.
i aint superman iz what im saying. there are things too big for us as individuals. knowing when to change gears is the key.
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I agree with Mame-- space and time. It was recommended when I placed my Mother to stay away for at least a week until she was used to it and Accepted it.
If you keep jumping every time she calls, she is not able to accept that it's her new home. She is hoping it is not, you know that. But, your survival, that is your number one priority. Remember the oxygen mask theory. Put yours on first or you cannot help anyone else. No guilt. Live. Take a good break! Yay!!! xoxo
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I think it is astounding and amazing how nice and lovely my mother is to nurses and aides etc at the Adult Center but when she is home she can be quite nasty when the attention is not focused on her, I guess I answered my own amazement, it is the attention she wants all the time and I can't and won't give it to her all the time, I need to focus on myself to stay sane.
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Unfortunately, you need to let go a bit so your mom can adjust. I am going through a very similar situation with my mom who was living on the AL side but participating in the memory care program daily. We had to move mom into the memory care unit and she is very angry with us...she was calling 14-16 times a day demanding we get her out of there, telling us what a disappointment we were, etc. I had to get tough and have them remove the phone from her room. We will return the phone once she calms down. Yes I feel guilt but I know logically I can't be all things to one person and mom is receiving excellent care, she is nice with the employees, is eating well and participating but when we show up, she goes on a tirade trying to manipulate us with her words. She has not been abandoned, but she does need to accept the situation A little distance is necessary to help her to acclimate. I love my mom and want what is best for her care and situation just as you do, so take some time away, screen the calls...I would only talk with my mom once in the morning and once in the evening all other calls I didn't answer. Good luck and hugs to you for being a great daughter!!
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Oh I know it's time for a vacation! LOL

My father passed away at the end of April and one would think that my brother could step in, but he's been nothing but a nuisance and a threat to not only my safety, but to my mother's psychological state. I posted a question about this either last week or the week before and am pursuing legal action against him and emergency guardianship.

That being said, there are some friends around who could keep her company, and I do have a planned vacation, but not until August.
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Perhaps it is time for a vacation for you alone or with your family. Is there anyone that can stand in for you while you go away for a needed respite? Mom needs to adjust, space can help I think with this.
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