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My siblings have been busy spending thousands of dollars of my 88 year old mother's money. One sister has taken it upon herself to do much for our mother, and has spent a good deal of time grooming her and brainwashing her to give my sister money all the time. My mother lives in a very nice retirement home and has all the services she needs. She can afford it. My sister feels entitled to take as much as she wants. She has taken it upon herself to do things for my mother that my mother does not need her to do, and she has made my mother very emotionally and physically dependent on her. I know for a fact that my mother does not know the extent of money my sister is spending, along with another sister. My sisters have lied to me and to our mother. They continue to lie to my mother.

I have already been through the state investigative system. They were basically worthless, and didn't do anything, because my mother's dementia is not in her medical records... at least it wasn't a year ago.

There has been a complete break between me and my siblings. I finally went and saw my mother after a year, and our visit was good. She just wants things to be peaceful and really does not want to know the truth. The issue for me has never been about the money itself. The issue has been about the lying, secretiveness, brainwashing of my mother to believe things that are not true about me, etc. The money is the issue for them, not me.

When she passes away, the inheritance is to be divided evenly between us children. Even though the money has been secondary to me, I admit that it galls me that the inheritance will be divided evenly between us after her death..... If there is even any money left. Why should I get a much smaller amount of money, because they have already been spending it? It's not right.

I have heard that it is difficult to contest a will. Has anyone ever contested a will? What has been the outcome?

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Life isn't fair. My grandma made up her will before anyone was born only her two children. One of her children is dead but the will was made up in such a way that the money was divided evenly between her two children and their decedents. Since my Aunt died, we have not heard anything from that side of the family. They don't help, don't even call on birthdays but they do once a year on Christmas send out a generic Christmas card signed by the family. So upon her death anything left (which granted won't be much at all) will be divided evenly between our family who has been paying for her and caring for her for 20 plus years and between a family who hasn't even bothered to see her in those 20 plus years.

As far as I understand though, a will is a will and with dementia it cannot be changed which was what we were told when we suggested a new will be made up by my grandma.
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Basically, there is no inheritance until your Mom dies. What she does with the money before she dies is her own business. If she chooses to let one of her children spend it, that's her decision. It is NOT to be divided evenly until she is gone. Children tend to look at "their" inheritance before their parents are gone. Wrong. They don't have any inheritance. Illness, long term care, all of that can wipe it all out. Don't depend on anything except your own hard work and planning. If there is something left over when your parents pass, that's a bonus, but there is no inheritance until that sad event occurs.
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Life is not fair, Alexander, and in this case your cousin did not see fit to correct that by making a will.
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I was caregiver for my cousin, who had no will. Although I am the only one who cared for him, when he died his money had to go into his estate, which was then divided among all of his cousins, some of whom he did not even know. Life is not fair.
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How do you know your sisters are getting a lot of money from your mother?
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I don't think it's at all helpful to view inheritance as an entitlement. Let our elders spend their money for their own care during their lifetimes. It would be different if you were spending a lot of time and energy taking care of your mom (and you're siblings weren't) or if they were hitting you up to contribute to your mom's expenses without regard to the funds they've used up for their own purposes. In either of those cases, I think you'd feel justified in being angry. But apart from circumstances like those, I think you should view your mother's money as your mother's money, to do with as she sees fit.
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The will is what it is. Unless your mother changes it, her documented wishes will be honored.
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Are either of your siblings your mother's Durable and Medical POA? If so, it sounds like your siblings have misused the Durable POA. That situation calls for a lawyer to look into for the misuse of a Durable POA is a chargeable crime..

Where is the money coming from to pay for the nursing home and how long has she been in there? Who sent her there? I assume it was her doctor?

I think you should be able to ask for a copy of your mom's financial records from the bank.

I don't know about contesting a will, but even though it is not right because they have taken her money, the will is what it is. Maybe someone else can say something about contesting a will.
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