I have asked a few questions re my situation.. mom moved in with us.. she expects me to do everything for free... nephew comes to visit with his wife and 4 kids & expects me to take care of everything. They are disrespectful. They tell me I'm rude.. etc... I'm so stressed out.. I can not think. Plus I work at local hospital night shift.
Husband retired in 2016. When he worked he was gone 3-4 days at a time. I worked same days he did also. I took care of grocery shopping. Cleaned house. Yard etc... Well now he is retired and has new set of rules?? All I hear from him is everything I do wrong.. he says I sleep all day.. (after 12 hr shift I need to sleep). I do not do anything around the house. I take to long in the bathroom.? He gets mad if I do not want to go anywhere when I'm off work. He gets me so frustrated I can not function. I'm a crafty person but I am not in the mood when I'm stressed... can not create.. so he's keeping me from the things I enjoy. It is so disrespectful. I know he's bored with the covid issue.. but he needs to back off me. My mom never says a word.. I wish she'd stick up for me. But when she does he tells her to shut up.
He never was like this when he was working.
I need to talk to a professional.. it's going uo cause a huge problem.. we bought this house 11-2020 & its my first home I own 1/2. But what sucks is since we moved my mom in to neither of us have anywhere to go live. When we would have an argument before I'd go stay at her house. Not possible anymore. I should of never moved my mom. But she can not live alone. So I was between both places before...
I am really embarrased and also done with everything.
I wish i could talk to hubby and mom. But it ends up in a fight and the blame is always on me.
???? How to have an important conversation w/o having hubby always yelling.... it's verbal abuse.
I disrupt his sleep cuz i wk nights? Funny when I sleep in daytime I wear ear plugs. Cuz they have tv on they do laundry. Work in kitchen. Etc... They walk in and out of the room I'm sleeping in all the time.. I mean there is another bathroom. My mom can shower after I wake up. But NO.. They do not respect me. They know I have to go back to work in a few hours. When I do wake up it's rare if hubby made any dinner for all of us. It has really become a total disaster around here. Help!
If the situation was reversed and it was your hubs mom and you were doing what he does. You would be told to divorce him, he does not respect you...his mom, his problem. Don't do it. Crazy how gender changes answers.
Per a previous post about finances. Spend your mom's money on your mom's care without worrying about you getting half and nephews getting half. When she runs out, apply for Medicaid.
I completely understand your husbands perspective, I was in his boat.
It is hard to talk to our moms about this crap. My mother will not have a rational discussion about anything about our relationship and the annoying things going on. It makes me so frustrated.
But with your husband? You guys should be able to talk about things like adults and come to compromise that works for both of you. He NEEDS to understand that your job is at night and you have to sleep during the day. DUH. If he can't understand and support that, you've got some serious issues to deal with. I'm sorry.
Going to have to set some boundaries - like very simple ones like "NO one in my room while I'm sleeping". Use the other bathroom! That's ridiculous and RUDE.
Good luck with straightening things out.
I agree that maybe you're better off with mom elsewhere.
Once you have set up this boundary you will be more able to solve your relational problems with your spouse. You need to not be exhausted and emotionally drained to better deal with your challenges.
Are you 1/2 owner of the house with your mom? Or your husband? This is an important question and your answer would be helpful.
I don't see how any of this is sustainable. I am so glad that you are going for professional help. It sounds as though the marriage wasn't strong. Now you have added a house onto the problem list, and a mortgage I assume. Then added Mom moving in to the mix. There were already strains and stresses. Now they seem insurmountable. And they may be. It is always an adjustment when a spouse retires and is underfoot a lot of the time. Now there is Mom and a new house as well.
It may be that the three of you need each to have a small studio. I hope the house wouldn't come down to a loss, given it is so newly purchased, but it may. I hope Mom didn't invest into the house, and if she did I hope all her funds are reimbursed to her with careful record keeping just in case she needs care assistance any time in the next few years.
So sorry for all this strife and sadness. I can remember a time in a bad marriage when work was the only saving grace I had in my life. That was lifetimes ago. You can get through this somehow.