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Both of my parents live with me (going on 4 years). My dad has more progressed vascular dementia and my mom is at the very beginning stages of it. Right now my dad has a cold/allergies. He has been coughing for 48 hours. I did speak to his doctor who thinks it is allergies and prescribed an antihistamine for starters. My question is this: His cough is so loud and exaggerated. Every noise he makes is loud and exaggerated. It is as though he has lost his ability to modulate. The issue for me is that I don't have much patience with it and he is clearly sick. It is hard to be empathic because it seems larger than life. He never needed as much attention as he seems to need now. Any suggestions?

So sorry for your loss.
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Rosiesmom-I'm so sorry for your loss.
Hugs.
Sparkles
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Rosiesmom Sep 7, 2018
Thank you so much.

Roseismom
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So sorry to hear that something that seemed like a simple annoyance was much more serious, I'm glad you were able to spend quality time with him at the end.
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Rosiesmom Sep 4, 2018
Thank you.
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This is an update to my story above "Why is my dad so loud?" I persisted with his primary care practice because despite of or maybe because of his loudness I knew that something was not right and that this was more than allergies. He was admitted to the hospital several days later with an aspiration pneumonia. He died the following week. I struggled with having him admitted because I knew that he would become delirious in the hospital but the admitting doctor thought it was too risky to take him home. He did become very delirious and agitated in the hospital but I found that my patience returned and I was able to be with him more easily once I understood what was going on.

The night that he died I went in to feed him dinner. My mother was also hospitalized at the same time and had been discharged that day.They both had been diagnosed with RSV. When I went in to feed him he was calm and present and mentally clearer than he had been in a long time. He died a few hours later. I suspect that he was getting ready to go. I wish that I had realized that at the time but I am grateful to have spent those last hours with him.

This job of caregiving is so complicated and emotional.
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My hubby's sneezes can raise the roof. HE actually SAYS "AhCHOOOO" and man, the grands are super impressed. Personally, I know he's just "enjoying" a good sneeze. Sometimes he says "ah-chooooo-ha-ha"....and this man is totally 'with it'.

He's also 80% deaf, but he's sneezed and coughed super loudly ever since I met him, so I know he's just being a tad dramatic.

And hubs always has a handkerchief. A gentleman, for sure. But nothing can muffle his amazing sneezing or coughing.
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My husband “shout-coughs”. I sleep in another room with the door closed. When he does this at night, with my bedroom door closed, I can’t tell if he’s calling out or coughing. Many times I’ve gotten out of bed to see if he’s ok. When he does it when we’re together in a room, it actually hurts my ears! As Rosiesmom says, it’s hard to modulate “body noises”. Have you considered getting him a handkerchief to muffle the noise?
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I thought the loudness was only from my mil. Just kidding. I think, with my mil, it's to get attention, as if any one could forget she's here. I do joke with her about it.
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I'm going to suggest headphones or earplugs. Seriously. This is something I discovered many years ago on days when the kid's noise became unbearable, it doesn't totally block out sound just turns down the volume and makes it easier to cope.
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Rosiesmom, when it comes to colds and allergies, everyone has their own level of coughing, and sneezing. There is nothing anyone can do about that. And as we age, it takes us longer to get over a cold, and we do tend to develop different allergies. This will happen to you some day.

If you find you don't have the patience for this, and both your parents have earlier stages of dementia, you will need to start planning now on what to do regarding where your parents will live, as it is only going to get worse, and it won't be just coughing.

Right now is the tree pollen season.  So keep the windows shut and turn on the air conditioning to help your Dad with his allergies.  I remember having a cough 48 hours straight, it was horrible as I couldn't sleep.  Even cough meds wouldn't help.  Have Dad try hot tea with honey.
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