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I take care of my mom, but my brother is strangely her favorite. She forgives the fact that he steals openly from her and treats me like garbage. She is handicapped and he refuses to help. I don't understand why this is happening. Please help me. He seems to enjoy being cruel to people. I need encouragement and thanks, not put downs, and stealing. Please help me. He's making my life so much worse than it already is. I don't know how to handle it. Mom won't let me ban him from the house.

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Dear dear Crepella, please know that I wish you only the best BUT
Forget your brother!! Wake up. Your whole life has been stolen from you BY YOUR OWN MOTHER. Your brother is just doing what he's been taught. You use that excuse! Why can't he?? You are a servant in your mothers home. Your opinion doesn't count.
How old are you? How old is your brother? Perhaps you are a senior yourself? Perhaps you can file charges ( protective order) against your brother to protect yourself? You are a human being. I assume you are a citizen of the US?? You have rights. Your mother doesn't get to make all the decisions. The people who shaped her way of thinking were possibly born in the late 1800s. Her thinking probably hasn't progressed very far beyond that on what your role in life is supposed to be. Evidently she was allowed a marriage and two children. The way your post reads is you are like the frog in the pot of water coming slowly to a boil. The frog can jump out early on but has decided to stay put until finally the water is too hot and he really wants to get out but is no longer able to hop out. Your mother is still alive and has income. Start today while you still have a roof over your head to find a source of income for yourself. At 90 hers will soon come to an end. We know you know how to use a computer and you at least have access to one. You have some resources and some free time.
Have you ever worked outside the home? Have you ever been married? Do you have health insurance? Does your mother have a will leaving you her home? Does your mother have income beyond her social security? If your brother makes your life uncomfortable enough for you to take action to live your own life, he has done you a great favor. In life, someone said, Pain is mandatory. Suffering is optional.
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Oh dear....

You need to figure out what will you do when your Mom passes. you are living with her now, and have no career or income of your own...(I assume that because you said you cannot figure out where you will go now if you leave)? This is going to be really bad for you when the family throws you out after she dies.

Of my, fix this now,,while you still have time. Get a part time job.,,start saying money
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Crepella, if your mom is 90 and unwell, I'd be concerned about your stability after her death. I'd seek a consult with an attorney to find out what your rights and obligations are. If your family is treating you poorly now, they may be even worse after your mom passes away. Of course, that may be for years, but, I'd know my rights and where I stood legally, so you can plan.
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Thanks for your msg. I live in mom's house. I was expected to care for her for as long as I can remember. She is handicapped. My family always treated me like the family servant and I came to learn it as my job in life at a very young age. It's so ingrained in me. I used to think I was lucky that I had a purpose serving my family, but they treat me so badly I can't take it. I just need someone to say something nice to me, and not put me down all the time or steal. It's my mother's home. I have no choice. She is handicapped. She refuses to go in a home. She is 90. I don't know how long she'll live. I could leave, but I have no idea where I would go or do. I am completely financially dependent.
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H, quick question - are you living in her home or is she living in your home? I ask because you can't ban someone from her home but you can ban someone from your home. You don't mention anyone's age or long term prognosis for your Mom. If this is going to be a long term care situation - then you may have to make some difficult decisions? Are you up for this for the long run - both the caregiving AND your brother's behavior? (You know you can't change his behavior, don't you?) Does your Mom need a different type of facility? Do you need to move on with your life?
This seems to be a situation where you will be a second class citizen in the place where you reside. BUT you do have the power to change it. You can move, you can place your Mom in a facility, if it is your place you CAN ban brother from your home. You may need some counseling to help you get the strength to make some changes. Seek it out. Please keep us posted.
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