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My mother lives in a lovely senior apt complex, has plenty of activites, has an incredible woman that comes and checks on her 10 times a day (home health - in house) and has me and my granddaughter come to visit either every other or ever day. She has dementia, which is getting worse day by day. She really can't carry on a conversation, unless it is saying something ugly about someone. She is suddenly lonesome and makes sure everyone knows it. She tells her caregiver know constantly, making her feel guilty. Mom was never outgoing and most of her life sat in her chair, reading and watching tv. She wasn't demonstrative or one to cry. Now she cries all the time. NOthing helps. She was on effexor for anxiety, but that didn't do a thing. I know her well, and she is incredibly manipulative. So maybe part of this behavior is just how she is, but she can't put on the tears. Any suggestions to help? Any ideas why she may be doing this?

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jeannegibbs, I definitely want the gal assisting my mom to not feel guilty. This woman is a saint, caring for many of the folks at this complex, and she can't help herself but to worry. We have talked at length about her not worrying so much. I do worry, but I think you have a good idea to be "in the moment" with mom, such as going for a walk or sitting out and chatting with us and others. Thankfully this place let's a resident stay as long as they like, as long as they can get the extra assistance they need. It's a great place, because so many of these people are in excellent health, but a small percentage, like my mom, need really to be in assisted living, but choose to pay extra and stay "independent". Thanks for your answer!
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gladimhere, my mom isn't to the point your mom seems to be, but getting close. You have a great tactic and I will try to see if something like that works. Strangely, mom has no idea she has any type of memory problem and still thinks she could live on her own. I don't know if that's good or not. :)
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"Any ideas why she may be doing this?"

My idea is that she can't help it. Her dementia is getting worse. This is part of the results of that. Something is going on in her brain. Our brain control all of our functions. Which things get affected and how depends on where and what kinds of problems are in her brain.

Gladimhere gave one example of loneliness and missing people by a dementia patient. This is not uncommon.

What can you do about it? Report these changes to her doctor. If the meds she is on now aren't helping maybe a change in dose or in the meds selected would help. It can be hard to come up with an effective drug regimen but it pays off if you can get the right combination.

Talk to the caregiver. Be supportive. Tell her you do not blame her (him?) for your mother's loneliness. If this person is going to care for clients with dementia she has to learn not to take their behavior personally. It is not your fault or the caregiver's fault or Mom's fault that Mon has dementia. There is no need for anyone to feel guilty.

Do your best to comfort your mom. She is losing her ability to reason, so a logical explanation isn't go to help. "I'm here now, Mom. What should we do to enjoy each other's company? Would you like to take a walk in this nice weather?"

Does this appartment complex have additional levels of care? As your mother's dementia worsens she may need than being looked in on ...
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pamstegman, yes she may be playing me. She NEVER has told me she's lonely unless I press her about talking to the woman who helps her out. Interesting thought on the seasonal depression. I will talk with her doc about that. Good thinking!
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Jessiebelle,That is precious about your mother! You know, there was a gentleman that gave my mother some attention and I actually hoped she would enjoy it, but she didn't seem to catch on. And he is a darling too. Yes, I think she is lonely for my dad. She never acted like she cared until just recently. Maybe the dementia has just slowed down the grieving process - it's been over two years. Thank you for your answer. :)
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My mother (87) is in mid to late stage dementia. My father died a little over two years ago. Since that time we started going to her church. There is an elder man (widower, 93) who sits with us and my mother is giddy about him. I'm wondering if maybe your mother is lonely for some male companionship. I think it endearing that my mother still has a healthy interest in the opposite gender, despite the years and dementia.
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Is this a seasonal thing? Does she get better as the days get longer? Ask the MD to try a different med, sometimes changing it up helps the effect. Also ask the staff if she is crying when you aren't around. If she is OK when you are not there, she may be playing you.
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Getting old ain't for sissies! I suspect that she may be missing old friends of her youth perhaps. My mom misses her parents and cries each time I tell her that have passed away. I have finally gotten smarter about this and tell her that she just talked to her mom a few days ago. It actually stops all of the follow up questions and the anxiety she feels. The last time I told her they passed her eyes began to well up, it was 8:30 pm, PLEASE, not now. So I changed the story, told her we would call her mom in the morning and that I was tired and confused so I forgot.

I do similar when she starts looking for her little girls, tell her they are at friend's and will be home later.

And if you mom is fairly early in the disease she may realize something is not right in her head. Imagine how frightening and depressing that would be!
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