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She's 85 with depression and possible dementia (Alzheimer's). But lately the past two weeks she constantly yells at me for everything I say .I can't have a normal conversation with her she yells at me like I'm a child and I'm 60! I do as much for her within keeping her independence, but a light bulb came to my mind just now..My dad passed five years ago today and maybe that's got something to do with it..But they were never close..She was always so abusive to me and it is like a slap in the face when I hear her tell her friends "I Love You" over the phone..When I do a lot for her and all I get is treated like Cinderella..For instance, her friends friend made a mistake on her taxes last year, so I brought her to my tax lady who did an amended tax return..This year she decides she's going to go back to that woman who made the mistake...Now mom has lots of assets, but she still makes her own decisions albeit I don't agree with this one...She gets so mad at me and I try to explain that I'm looking out for her and she tells me to mind my own business..Also, she yells about how she has no money yet she spends a lot on groceries, but it's all stuff she eats..I can't say anything as she yells and says it's her money and she can do what she wants with it..Which she is right but then she shouldn't complain or yell at me as if I'm the cause of her money going down.. I can't even talk to her, as she just yells and tells me to shut up! It's getting unbearable.... I know she's mourning her husband, but she's been this way toward me her whole life...I was told she's a borderline with narcissism...
Oh great, I thought...Well, I'm just looking for answers
...Well have to start with the primary care doctors office again..But that could take a while..he initially gave her something for anxiety but she won't take it because she says she doesn't I need it..My self esteem is starting to drop a bit...I'd like to hear from someone who has the same thing going on...Thanks for your ears..I needed to vent..I wish I could stop her from constantly telling at me..I'm getting ready to move out...

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This is just over the last two weeks? Then that is a marked change which you need to report to her doctor.

I note from an earlier post you made on a different thread that you are a nurse, and you moved into your mother's home. How long have you been living there? Have you noticed any other changes in your mother recently?

You're a nurse, you know better than I do, but to rehearse the things to check: pain, uti's, other symptoms she's not mentioning. She has friends: have they noticed anything wrong?

As your father passed away five years ago I'd be surprised if the anniversary had much to do with it, specifically - she'd be taking her time about it, wouldn't she, if this were related to mourning him. Or has this time of year always been difficult since then?
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One more thing; get her to a geriatric psychiatrist, if you can. If she won't take the meds, that's too bad, but you tried.
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Dear Tumbleweed; to follow up on Jeanne's query, I hope you are not living with your mom, nor she with you. This is going to be a long journey, and the only way to get through dementia with a person like this is to set firm boundaries from the outset.

Try this: don't offer advice, don't respond to her outbursts. If she becomes nasty say, "I see you're upset. I'll come back tomorrow (next week, whenever you plan to) and hope that you're feeling better."
Don't feed into the negativity.

Read a long thread on here called "Is it normal she's so negative?" There is LOADS of good advice there.
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Dear Tumbleweed,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. It is very tough to have an 85 year person yell at you. But you are right to take her back to the doctor. There would be a lot of different reasons for her behaviour. Please don't give up on your mom. I know its hard. And it hurts after everything you have done. I don't know if its the side effects of the meds. Or she is feeling afraid or lonely. Maybe something lacking in her diet? I know it feels like you are trying to find a needle in a haystack. I hope you can get the help your mother needs. Thinking of you.
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Are you living with your mother, Tumbleweed39?
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