My Dad who remarried when he was 83, to a woman in her 60's is now screwed. This woman got my Dad to sign over everything and anything to her within their first year of marriage. Within that year he was starting to have a hard time with finishing sentences. She became his sentence finisher and you couldn't have a conversation with him without her jumping in and finishing his sentences for him. Even though we had the patience to allow him to take the time to get the words he was trying to speak, she would get impatient and finish his sentences like she knew what he was thinking. It made talking with my Dad very uncomfortable. She never left him alone with us at their house. We live in a Mobile Home Park and I live right around the corner, so once in a while he would walk over and we could talk in peace. She blamed this, his speech, on old age. They have been married for 6 years now and 2 or 3 years ago he was diagnosed with Alz's. or Dementia, I'm still not sure. We don't talk. So here's my thing, I was really naive to what elder abuse and neglect was and the steps to take when it's apparent. So when I saw my Dad's walk, he enjoy's walking his dog around the park, turn to a shuffle, it bothered me that she was rarely seen walking with him. Then one day he came to me and asked if I would find a divorce lawyer for him and drive him. I said sure and asked him why. He said I messed up. He then said she hit's hard. I said she hit's you and he said yes about 4 times. I told him the next time she hit's you call the police. She allows him to walk down to the park's cement hot tub by himself. He has had to be helped out of it several times to the point where the managers have asked him not to go into it alone anymore. He comes out of it dizzy and has fallen twice after getting out. So now to remedy that his wife picks him up after he's finished? I set up that initial app. for him with a lawyer but she heard about it and when I called to pick him up she said he wasn't there. I could only assume he was out walking his dog, so I went looking for him. As I was walking I noticed their car leaving the park with my Dad with her. I had to cancel the app. as they were gone all day. It was quite some time before I saw my Dad again. It was when he wandered out of the park and went to a store where he asked them to call the police. The park manager was called by the owner of the store, that my Dad was down there and they got in touch with me and I went right down there. My Dad was already talking to a police officer when I got there. He was telling him about getting hit and not being fed well and he wanted a divorce. The officer told me that he showed no signs of being hit, so there was nothing he could do. I took my Dad home. A short time after that his Wife went to her knitting classes and when she got home she found my Dad unconscious on the floor. I would have never known but my wife was gone and when she was driving home she saw the paramedics at my Dad's house. I went over there and upon entering the house the EMT asked, who are you and my Dad's wife who was sitting at the table said, "that's his son, he's not allowed here". That was news to me being as there was no restraining order against my being there. He just passed out, they said. About a week later he came to my house again, saying he was sorry and could I help him with the divorce again. He say's that he asked what was for lunch and she threw some frozen packet of something at him and went in to take her daily 3 hr. nap. So I set up another app. for him the next day, he asked me to write it on a piece of paper so he could remember. She must have found it because she took him away for the entire day again. I phoned elder abuse and they told me they could go over there and ask questions, but unless he showed signs of abuse there wasn't much they could do. They also said it might make things worse for my Dad. Everyone in the park questions her sincerity because he's the only elder in the park who's wife doesn't accompany him on his walks. He said he married her because he wanted someone to take care of him. Apparently she agreed to this and now he's in a Post-Acute nursing facility because he fell while walking alone and broke his hip. His Dementia has now progressed to the point where he's delirious. She's trying to hide him from us and acting all concerned when in fact she neglected him. I didn't know about APS until I started reading here. They said that since he's now in a SNF there was nothing they could do. I don't understand. Once he's diagnosed aren't you supposed to be responsible for his well being. Each time he fell he was by himself. She was gone when he passed out. The police knew that he walked to the store unsupervised. He was helped by EMT's more than once because of falling while walking alone. Why didn't they contact APS. She act's like this is my fault. Isn't this neglect? Now I'm worried about his well-being if and when he get's dis-charged.

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Prepare to lawyer up, collect all your documentation, and try to get guardianship. She does not take any kind of care of him and he can no longer get out of the situation on his own - he does not remember or is too intimidated to do so or to tell APS people enough for them to get him out. And she is smart enough not to leave any marks. Maybe an attorney could met with your dad at the skilled nursing facility without her there and get enough of the story to begin proceedings that could effectively rescue him from this distastrous non-relationship. Otherwise, as his legal wife, she is in charge.
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From my understanding APS is not like a police agency, they are more like children's aid, they can remove someone from an abusive situation but it is not up to them to lay charges, only to protect those they find vulnerable.

I don't know whether or not she has been abusive to your dad, but I do think the marriage seems as though it was ill conceived from the start. This is a situation they both had a hand in creating, apparently he found a younger woman and signed his assets over to her in exchange for her caring for him as he aged, not a very good foundation for a marriage. Perhaps she resents how quickly his health declined and feels that she has essentially signed herself up for years of servitude for "30 pieces of silver".

If he still wants to divorce then you can help him with that. Where I come from marital assets are divided in divorce regardless of whose name is on them. And if he is destitute you can begin the process to get him gov't assistance. It really doesn't sound as though he is safe to be living in the community any more, you can help him find a nice facility where he can be properly looked after .
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