I try for once a week with my dad, but it's too much argument to insist, so I don't. One other way to help keep him clean - I keep a stack of washcloths in his bathroom and he'll wet the cloth and run over his arms and pits. Buying baby wipes in bulk amounts (400-700 count packages) isn't expensive, and they have holders (like "warmers," but I don't use the warming part because it dries out the wipes) you can set on the counter top or in mom's room and do some basic "sponge bath" type cleaning.
This is a very common problem. I don't see an issue with letting it go longer than a week if the person isn't active or sweating much. My dad, for example, is most always in bed, so I'd rather skip the argument about bathing and schedule doctor's appointments for him at regular intervals because he'll take a shower before his doc appointments.
There is also an option for in-between showers of using one of the "waterless" foam cleansers that are commonly used in hospitals. Rub it on, no need to rinse, it's a self-drying, antibacterial cleansing wash.
Maybe you can come up with some "tricks" that work for your mom and skip some of the fight. Good luck. :-)
What fun getting old. Sit in Depends all day, have someone change them, have someone standing by 24/7 in case you want to pee or have a bowel movement any time of the day or night, fall on your face and crack your head open, and refuse to shower or bathe. I most sincerely hope I am dead dead dead before I get to that point, and I also hope someone (I don't know who) puts me in a nursing home instead of letting me fester away all alone in a falling down house.
I use flip flops on my feet not a bathmat as no matter where I walk I have traction both in tub/shower & in bathroom in case any water on floor - bonus easier to keep clean
I am not sure why, probably fearful. With my mom, with Alzheimer's, first she would shower with my step-dad. We also added a space heater to the bathroom and dressing space. Then my sister and I helped her, she did have a shower chair. A hand held shower was added for ease. Then we graduated to a sliding shower chair so she didn't have to step into the shower (she also quite walking during this time). Next she began to hate the shower running on her so we only used the hand held and put towels on her to keep her warmer. Now we do a shower every week to 10 days with sponge baths inbetween. I guess we will eventually go to only sponge baths but hair washing is just easier in the shower. I also have a hair funnel for times mom just doesn't want to get in the shower and I need to wash her hair in the kitchen sink.
Regarding bathing for people who have dementia - I can only imagine what happens to your brain when you have dementia! I have tried every tactic to have my male childhood friend to bathe once a week. First the passage of time does not register with him. He does wash up in the sink but that is not the same as taking a shower. I have most of the safety things installed in my shower - a chair with arms-a shower head on a flexible tube - I use a bath mat with a rubber back (not suction) and soft towel like surface. I have a small bathroom chair that I hang the bath mat over the back with the towel on top. He can reach it without getting up from the shower chair. The shower chair has a place between the two front legs that I have fastened a mesh that has seperate pockets in for soap-shampoo - etc. I run the water till it is hot - which warms the shower stall up nicely. Before he gets in I regulate the temp of the water to his liking. He feels secure in the chair. I close the door but remain in the bathroom - just in case. When he is done (short time) I hand him the towel and help him dry his back and what hair he has left on his scalp. I point out to him that bathing is not only for dirt but to towel off the dead skin that can cause a problem if left to build up. I then put the bath mat - rubber side down-towel side up beneath his feet while he is sitting in the chair. Then I remain right outside the shower to give him stability while stepping out on to another dry rug outside. The chair is directly outside the shower door so he can sit and finish drying himself and feel secure. Bathing also make you feel weak and unstable. Another thing I found to help me when I fractured my pelvis was to use the plastic hat without a center when I washed my hair to it keeps the soap and water out of my eyes. That also helped me with my fears. I used it when my children were infants and I had to wash their hair. So to sum up what I am trying to say - make sure the person feels safe (on their own and in control). Another thought - I have found that after the shower I was actually weak. So instead of getting dressed immediately I put on a robe - had a cup of tea - while I recovered my strength in my bed. When I was ready to get up then I got dressed. Ps: I often fell asleep. Any of us that has faced the realities of old age understands what you are going thru. I think it was art linkletter who said: old age is not for sissies! I wish you and your mother luck - she is fortunate to have a devoted daughter like you.
Trying to figure this out too. My mom is 85 and newly blind. A double whammy! She been tested for dementia, but because she's blind not all the test could be given. Her doctor seems to think it's mostly depression from blindness. My sister and I agree, but there is and has been a lot of stubbornness. Always has been. I have purchased a shower bench and space heater, had rails installed in my "walk in" shower. I've offered to assist, but no go. She says it's cold, but I have hot water and a heater I say. I can't stand up that long and my back hurts, but there's a bench and you can sit and relax, I say. I don't like showering all the time, but mom it's every other week now, twice a month, I say. I can't climb over a tub any more, but I have a walk in shower too remember, I say. Maybe later, I'll do it tomorrow, she says. It's funny though when I do get her to shower and wash her hair she will stand at sink half naked and try washing her hair in sink. Geese, I'd be cold standing there like that too with wet head. Then she goes to shower to rinse. It makes no sense to me and she won't/can't explain her logic. When she stays with my sister a bathing nurse is called, because she does wet her depends thru the night and now we are having the occasional BM's in them. She used to sponge bath every morning, but since glaucoma has taken her sight it's become more like 2xs a week and only if I coax her, which leads to an argument. Mom has always considered outward appearances very important and based her opinions about others upon their appearances. If she could see herself now I think she'd be shocked. But I guess that's the problem, she can't see so nothing matters. Breaks my heart. I'll probably have to breakdown and call a bathing nurse too, but I know she gets embarrassed.
I'm 72, and for me it's definitely the fear of falling, or of not being able to get in & out safely. If I shower, my back hurts and I'm afraid of slipping; if I soak in the tub (which I prefer), then I worry about being able to pull myself up with the grab bars. It's just not easy getting older, and few people want the humiliation and embarrassment of accepting help. I would love a walk-in tub, but they're unaffordable on a fixed income. Good luck, and don't assume it's just stubbornness or not caring about being clean!
A towel warmer or freshly out of the clothes dryer towels are nice, my mom was instantly cold when she was bathed. I'd wrap her in warm towels and get her clothes from the dryer. Which was close to her bedroom, I don't know how they do it at her facility.
My friend for whom I have POA does not shower either, though he insists he does. His memory care staff are frustrated as well. He does wash though no none sees how he does it or how thorough he is. I brought some liquid body wash soap for him to use as an encouragement and periodically check to see if I have to buy more. Not much is being used. He still does his daily routine and dressing on his own and resents interference by the staff, thinking he is perfectly capable. He doesn't have body odor, so he must be doing something right. There are some good suggestions here for me to talk with the staff there about and so Thank You for some of the good ideas!
Thinking back when my mom was first starting to "get weird." I remember that every time I was at her house, I was so impressed by how clean her tub and shower were. Took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out she hadn't used the damm tub and shower since the Bush administatrion.
my mom, 83 and with dementia and alz. refuses to shower. if we get her to shower, wont wash her hair. she wont allow me to help(daughter). finally at a rehab facility, she will allow some of them to shower her and wash her hair. she was living in an independent facility, but now requires more care than they can provide. and she wont eat! I just so look forward to getting older :(
Folks have you seen the tub to shower conversion kit that can be remodeled so you do not have to step over a bathtub? I am having issues with this apt. we moved into and with a doctor's order they would have to install one per ADA law. Anyway, the theory of a shower running on skin (according to research done at ASU) is that dementia persons perceive the water as fire. Who would want to put fire on their skin? I got a hand-held shower kit installed, warm up the water, heat up the room, and a chair took up too much room in the tub, but the rubber non-slip pad on the bottom of the tub prevents slipping. I bought a moveable handrail and place it where necessary and get in the shower with my husband. I get him washed, then he gets out, and I can wash my hair. We use disposable wipes for toileting, disposable briefs and pads, and he has yet to get a UTI. Just keep the genitals cleaned, wash in between the toes & armpits, and using a dry shampoo has been shown to be better than wet shampoos. When one has dementia their legs will not get the signal from the brain, they collapse and then a fall occurs. Talking to feet helps when one does NOT have dementia.
I'm 85 and live in an independent living facility that has grab bars in the shower. I moved here because I fell twice in six months; once on a street with oncoming traffic. I wasn't injured either time. Now when I'm about to get out of the shower, I talk aloud to my feet, telling them where to move. My husband died from a fall on a nursing home bathroom floor after climbing over his bed's locked guardrails. I don't want my life to end that way.
I'm 71, and for me, it's definitely the fear of falling. No matter how many grab bars and whether there's a stool to sit on or not, I'm afraid I'm going to fall. (And yes pamstegma, that stool is cold. Even with a towel on it.)
And who wants faff about like that every day, or every other day, or even twice a week, when it takes 3/4 of an hour even to get into the damn thing!
That's a question I had to ask Myself also. I fitted a jacuzzi for My Late Mother many years ago, and with out exagiration Mam bathed in it six nights every week for years, but when the Alzheimer's struck habit went out the window as Mother refused to either bathe or shower, hence I asked a great Friend of Mothers to come and help shower Mam once a week. Result was positive. I did read that Demensia and Alzheimers Sufferers are afraid of water since They can't see it. Showering is so important as it can limit the dreaded Ut's to a minimum. Plus They smell and feel so much better.
It's the chill factor. Lordy, I hate the first time the shower water hits my back, it's either a cold shot or a hot shot. So I crank up the heat in the bathroom and I put a hand towel on my back so the hot water doesn't give me goose bumps. I have a shower chair (with a heated wet washcloth), a hand held shower and keep the room at 85F.
It has to do with fear... mainly fear of falling as one gets older. I am 70 and I feel that way now myself.
There is also the start of claustrophobia as when you think about it, many showers are small. There is also the comfortableness of the water hitting the skin in a shower as when one ages, the skin becomes thinner.
Grab bars on the shower walls are helpful, and many elders like sitting in a shower chair when using the shower. My Dad felt so much safer with that shower chair.
If none of that works, there are caregivers who specialize in just doing bathing/showering and they could come once or twice a week and you pay for their time at your home or Mom's home.
This is a very common problem. I don't see an issue with letting it go longer than a week if the person isn't active or sweating much. My dad, for example, is most always in bed, so I'd rather skip the argument about bathing and schedule doctor's appointments for him at regular intervals because he'll take a shower before his doc appointments.
There is also an option for in-between showers of using one of the "waterless" foam cleansers that are commonly used in hospitals. Rub it on, no need to rinse, it's a self-drying, antibacterial cleansing wash.
Maybe you can come up with some "tricks" that work for your mom and skip some of the fight. Good luck. :-)
Any of us that has faced the realities of old age understands what you are going thru. I think it was art linkletter who said: old age is not for sissies! I wish you and your mother luck - she is fortunate to have a devoted daughter like you.
And who wants faff about like that every day, or every other day, or even twice a week, when it takes 3/4 of an hour even to get into the damn thing!
There is also the start of claustrophobia as when you think about it, many showers are small. There is also the comfortableness of the water hitting the skin in a shower as when one ages, the skin becomes thinner.
Grab bars on the shower walls are helpful, and many elders like sitting in a shower chair when using the shower. My Dad felt so much safer with that shower chair.
If none of that works, there are caregivers who specialize in just doing bathing/showering and they could come once or twice a week and you pay for their time at your home or Mom's home.