My mother couldn't get out of the bathtub. She tried for awhile then called for my sister. My sister couldn't get her out either, but wouldn't allow my sister to call for her husband. After some time my sister got her out of the tub. Now my mother refuses to take tub baths. Maybe this is how phobies get started.
We went through that with Mom. As she aged she went from a 2 minute shower, to sink baths, to not bathing at all. I think its part of aging and she actually didn't remember if she washed, and didn't notice when she smelled.
But now that I am 70, I find I don't shower every day, although once in, I love it and will be there for 20 min. Sometimes I just have too much to do, getting up and having to get dressed to take the dogs out, then I don't want to be bothered getting undressed again to shower. I can understand the fear of falling in elders, and if that is the case, we need to make them feel safe. I broke my ankle 18 months ago. Being laid up and helpless was the worst thing I have ever been through. I crawled up the stairs on my hands and knees and when I got to the top, I cried, from frustration and exhaustion. It is so much harder to compensate for losing the use of a limb when you are older - aches, muscle strains and fatigue from using other muscle groups. So, I now understand the fear of falling. I am ever so careful going up and down stairs, getting in and out of the shower. I feel like an old person, moving more slowly. Not that I have to move slowly - I want to because I am being more careful not to do anything fast which might make me fall. It has opened my eyes to why very old people do and act the way they do. Yeah,
MIL will actually begin throwing things at us when we 'demand' a bath! She's fearful of people in general and won't allow anyone in her home but the two of us. It's crazy that we could get in any trouble when we've called APS begging for help and telling them the situation. They say it's an adult's right to bathe or not, to live where they chose & eat as little as they want. If she refuses to let a social worker in, they can't demand to talk with her because she doesn't have Alz & isn't legally blind... We help take care of my mother who has Alz as well as my 86yr old grandmother and it's obvious they get wonderful care. MIL is truly the most stubborn person I've ever met, she's pushed everyone in her life away, but we aren't going to let her sit in her home & starve to death so we do the best we can. He has a sister that hasn't been to visit her mom in a few years, even though she lives closer than we do. It's a terrible, heartbreaking situation! She also knows that I bathe my mom a few days a week for 3yr now, so I know how to do it. I've offered to put robe around her while I wash her so she doesn't feel so exposed and her son does yard work or runs to the store so she also doesn't feel awkward in front of her son. Nothing has worked. And taking the tobacco away is our trick to get her to eat. Works every time!!!! But with bathing, that's when she goes crazy or gets up like she's going to cooperate & then starts seriously crying and shaking and goes back to her chair. I just wish there was help for someone who refuses help!!!
Oh, gosh Blackhole - your experience is identical to mine. Mom hadn't used her pristinely clean (thanks to the cleaning folks that went to her apt. every two weeks) shower in at least two years before the lightbulb went off in my head. She's in AL now and they try valiantly to get her into a shower a couple of times a month but it's largely a sponge bath type of washing at this point. I have noticed her legs are very dry and scaly even though we moisturize when I'm with her and I know the aides are doing the same when she lets them. But, this just seems like the same story over and over..........
lmb1234- this may not be the case with your mom, but my mom's dry and scaley skin has improved dramatically since her new hospice CNA started. The other girl wanted to only use one tub of water for bed baths but we requested a seperate clean water for rinsing. I think that (and a girl that doesn't rush as much) is helping remove all the soap from her skin so the moisturizer can do it's job. Within 2wk it was a dramatic improvement. Even those no rinse type soaps seemed to wreck her skin. HTH in some way!
Thanks for the input, HelpnGA - I'll check this out with the facility when I'm there next. I've little doubt that they do have to rush the process and this may be contributing to the problem....well, that and mom's lack of cooperation which I'm sure is a real treat to deal with...
HelpnGa: Throwing things because you want your MIL to bathe sounds like she's mentally disturbed! Totally unacceptable! Seek help for her through a psychiatrist.
YOU DO NOT NEED A BATH/SHOWER EVERY DAY - that's what the advertizers have made us think - a couple of times a week is enough - I am in my late 60's where we washed our hair once a week usually on sat [some washed only bangs on wed] & took 2 to 3 baths a week
Your parents are [hopefully] older than me but my point is the emphasis when she grew up isn't what it is today - a friend's mother who I helped with wouldn't bathe but she was fastitious about cleaniness - she was European & like to use a bidet [ see if that could work?] but she took daily sponge bathes
Any attempt to get regular ablutions [of any sort] is good but maybe think outside the box of just shower/baths because there are other options you could look into not just easiest [bath/shower]
My Mother hated the water because she was scared she would drown.She would curl up like a cornered animal and both of us would be in tears by the time her shower was over.Also,she was Very modest and she always wanted her little bra and panties on.We found that with her back and arthritis pain,it hurt her and wore her out so for her last 3 and a half years on Hospice before she left,the bathaid and I gave her a "bath" in her liftchair.Alot of times I had to doctor her hiney,so that worked well too.
My mother is bedridden and bathtime is an absolute nightmare - for both of us!! She hates being bathed even though I do it quickly. I think it's because she doesn't like being exposed even though I cover up her entire body with a few bath towels and only remove the towel from the area I'm actually cleaning and then I reposition that towel back over her body. Her right side is permanently contracted from her stroke and she flips out when I clean this area. It's just physically and mentally exhausting for me that I have to split up her bathing schedule; one day is body, the next day is hair. She does, however, love when I shampoo her hair in a blow-up basin that I purchased from Amazon. I use a shampoo brush to keep her scalp clean and she loves it...it's like a massage on her scalp.
My mother also resists showering. Her longest unshowered period was 18 days. We are having somewhat better results now since I have insisted on a routine, but it is still often a fight. I have come to dread Wednesdays since we designated Wed. as shower day. The room is warm, it's a walk in shower, we have rails inside and outside the shower and a shower chair, a hand held shower head and an aide who bathes her and washes and dries her hair.
She says she's not cold and not afraid of falling, it's just 'hard' but she cannot articulate what it is that is hard so we can do something about it. I think that maybe it is just harder than not showering.
Now I try to schedule all of her appointments for the end of the week when she is clean.
DH & I are down with bad colds - today it took me until 2:00 P.M. to get up energy to take shower & wash hair - first in 5 days - another hour to get dressed & brush teeth - I'm 68 in fairly good health but when I think of this being full time then I understand the effort to do this all for those who are in compromised health & their reluctance
Just like a premmie baby that is exhausted after a bath then so are our senior loved ones - my mom never says anything about it because of short term memory problems - dad died a few months ago & he had his favourite caregiver that gave the best bath - after he died I talked to the head of nursing staff & said how he really appreciated how well she did - feed back is important because if you don't give compliments then you can't bitch about things either - pardonez ma francais
If they have a regular nap/rest then doing the bath just prior could be best time because then the rest afterwards would be good - NO BODY SAYS YOUR BATH SHOULD BE AT A SPECIFIC TIME - I'll bet if you tracked those nap/rest times then there is a good chance that bath days may be longer due to energy out put
Also why is it so important to do a daily bath? - because we have been conditioned by advertisers to do so but unless there is a need then it can be too much for fragile senior skin - here in Ontario in NH it is mandated by the Ministry of Health that every resident have 2 baths or equivalent a week - people whose most energetic action they do is cutting their chicken up are not sweating nor are they getting dirty
Even once a week can be enough because those with diapers are cleaned there regularly - their face & hands wiped/cleaned before & after meals - so what is left over? .... the back, legs, upper arms & chest - these are not areas of problems so maybe just a sponge bath 1/2 way through week & mainly for a check on health/skin issues to prevent any issues like bed sores etc
My mom had a bed sore that a dr. & PSWs missed - they took her explaination [as did whole family] that she was hitting her ankle on wheelchair as she paddled herself around - after 1 1/2 years a new nurse saw it for what it was & it took 15 months for a diabetic to heal - this was because she always slept on same side - everyone looked for issues on her hip, shoulder etc but it was the ankle bone where the sore was so everyone thought she was right - SOME TIMES FRESH EYES SEE THINGS THAT OTHER MISS - so just because a new care giver says something don't disregard it out of hand because they are truly fresh eyes & may catch something others have missed because it came on slowly
People in victorian days took a bath maybe once every 6 months or perhaps once a year. Nosegays? Yes, they were a real "thing" that women wore to cut down on their odor. Phew! Glad I didn't live back then!
Llamalover....Thanks for telling me what those Nosegay's were for.I always wondered when Mom would mention them what they were and what they were used for and I'm so glad I didn''t live back then either.I Love to be clean and the water feels so good on my bones with my arthritis.A shower is like a gift to myself I give everyday!
Growing up I only took a bath once a week on Saturday night to be clean for church on Sunday. Mum had to heat the water in the big copper kettle used for boiling clothes. We only had a cold tap in the kitchen so she lit a fire uder the kettle. Mum, Dad and I shared the same bathwater. Hair was washed at a separate time about every two weeks. I used to bathe every day and wash hair every other day but now the bath is every 2-3 days and the hair every 4-5 as I am doing very little. It is very important to keep the genital area very clean to prevent all kinds of nasty things but this can be achieved by using wipes or good old soap and water as necessary. There is far too much emphasis on wahing the body, it strips the skin of essential oils and often the commercial replacements we use can actually be harmful. If i was caring for some one i would aim for a daily bath or sponge bath because when you are in bed you get sweaty and uncomfortable and it is nice to be clean and have fresh clothes every day. it is not harmful to ones general health to only wash 2-3 times a week. it is extremely tiring for many people to take a bath especially if there is pain involved. When some one is taking pain meds it is a good idea to edicate them half an hour before the bath and right afterwards make them comfy and allow some rest or sleep time.
My mom has always HATED shopping, dressing and undressing...She does love her pajamas to smell fresh, so my trick is to associate her bath or shower with putting on her favorite pj's...also, dry skin is an issue...she doesn't like putting her lotion on again...
But now that I am 70, I find I don't shower every day, although once in, I love it and will be there for 20 min. Sometimes I just have too much to do, getting up and having to get dressed to take the dogs out, then I don't want to be bothered getting undressed again to shower.
I can understand the fear of falling in elders, and if that is the case, we need to make them feel safe.
I broke my ankle 18 months ago. Being laid up and helpless was the worst thing I have ever been through. I crawled up the stairs on my hands and knees and when I got to the top, I cried, from frustration and exhaustion.
It is so much harder to compensate for losing the use of a limb when you are older - aches, muscle strains and fatigue from using other muscle groups.
So, I now understand the fear of falling. I am ever so careful going up and down stairs, getting in and out of the shower. I feel like an old person, moving more slowly. Not that I have to move slowly - I want to because I am being more careful not to do anything fast which might make me fall. It has opened my eyes to why very old people do and act the way they do.
Yeah,
Your parents are [hopefully] older than me but my point is the emphasis when she grew up isn't what it is today - a friend's mother who I helped with wouldn't bathe but she was fastitious about cleaniness - she was European & like to use a bidet [ see if that could work?] but she took daily sponge bathes
Any attempt to get regular ablutions [of any sort] is good but maybe think outside the box of just shower/baths because there are other options you could look into not just easiest [bath/shower]
She does, however, love when I shampoo her hair in a blow-up basin that I purchased from Amazon. I use a shampoo brush to keep her scalp clean and she loves it...it's like a massage on her scalp.
She says she's not cold and not afraid of falling, it's just 'hard' but she cannot articulate what it is that is hard so we can do something about it. I think that maybe it is just harder than not showering.
Now I try to schedule all of her appointments for the end of the week when she is clean.
Just like a premmie baby that is exhausted after a bath then so are our senior loved ones - my mom never says anything about it because of short term memory problems - dad died a few months ago & he had his favourite caregiver that gave the best bath - after he died I talked to the head of nursing staff & said how he really appreciated how well she did - feed back is important because if you don't give compliments then you can't bitch about things either - pardonez ma francais
If they have a regular nap/rest then doing the bath just prior could be best time because then the rest afterwards would be good - NO BODY SAYS YOUR BATH SHOULD BE AT A SPECIFIC TIME - I'll bet if you tracked those nap/rest times then there is a good chance that bath days may be longer due to energy out put
Also why is it so important to do a daily bath? - because we have been conditioned by advertisers to do so but unless there is a need then it can be too much for fragile senior skin - here in Ontario in NH it is mandated by the Ministry of Health that every resident have 2 baths or equivalent a week - people whose most energetic action they do is cutting their chicken up are not sweating nor are they getting dirty
Even once a week can be enough because those with diapers are cleaned there regularly - their face & hands wiped/cleaned before & after meals - so what is left over? .... the back, legs, upper arms & chest - these are not areas of problems so maybe just a sponge bath 1/2 way through week & mainly for a check on health/skin issues to prevent any issues like bed sores etc
My mom had a bed sore that a dr. & PSWs missed - they took her explaination [as did whole family] that she was hitting her ankle on wheelchair as she paddled herself around - after 1 1/2 years a new nurse saw it for what it was & it took 15 months for a diabetic to heal - this was because she always slept on same side - everyone looked for issues on her hip, shoulder etc but it was the ankle bone where the sore was so everyone thought she was right - SOME TIMES FRESH EYES SEE THINGS THAT OTHER MISS - so just because a new care giver says something don't disregard it out of hand because they are truly fresh eyes & may catch something others have missed because it came on slowly
Mum had to heat the water in the big copper kettle used for boiling clothes. We only had a cold tap in the kitchen so she lit a fire uder the kettle. Mum, Dad and I shared the same bathwater.
Hair was washed at a separate time about every two weeks.
I used to bathe every day and wash hair every other day but now the bath is every 2-3 days and the hair every 4-5 as I am doing very little. It is very important to keep the genital area very clean to prevent all kinds of nasty things but this can be achieved by using wipes or good old soap and water as necessary.
There is far too much emphasis on wahing the body, it strips the skin of essential oils and often the commercial replacements we use can actually be harmful.
If i was caring for some one i would aim for a daily bath or sponge bath because when you are in bed you get sweaty and uncomfortable and it is nice to be clean and have fresh clothes every day.
it is not harmful to ones general health to only wash 2-3 times a week.
it is extremely tiring for many people to take a bath especially if there is pain involved. When some one is taking pain meds it is a good idea to edicate them half an hour before the bath and right afterwards make them comfy and allow some rest or sleep time.