At 86 your Mom has a lot of heath problems, Heart desease robs you of energy. Its an effort to do anything. Not that you can't, its just an effort. If someone else is willing to do it, than why not. Then throw in depression. I am not depressed, but I have days where its icky outside and the thought of getting a shower seems just too much. Then I think, this must be how someone with depression feels every day.
If you have seen Mom doing something when she thinks you don't see her, thats one thing you know she can do for herself. So you tell her, seen you doing it so I know u can. Don't disable her by doing it because its just easier for u to do it to get it done.
Thanks Joanne. I wish I was as sympathetic as you. I just don't have it in me anymore. Looking for a long-term care facility. It's sad because I know it will lessen her independence, but I can't let her steal my husband's emotional health any longer. He has been her primary care giver for 14 years now, and she has never tried to use the physical therapy or other recommendations to preserve her independence. She thinks he "owes" her bathing, diapering, etc. I'm just àngry and want her out of my home.
If that's the only attention she gets, then she's going to do what it takes for someone to interact with her.
Instead of "let's get you dressed, so we can go shopping," make it "Be ready by 9, and I'll come take you shopping." If she's not ready, then wait in another room until she is. The reward for getting herself dressed is your undivided attention while shopping.(This is just a scenario. Adapt it to your situation, obviously.)
Zippy is right. Beatty, who comments here, has an expression that always works for me. "There will be no solution as long as you are all the solutions".
At 86 your Mom has a lot of heath problems, Heart desease robs you of energy. Its an effort to do anything. Not that you can't, its just an effort. If someone else is willing to do it, than why not. Then throw in depression. I am not depressed, but I have days where its icky outside and the thought of getting a shower seems just too much. Then I think, this must be how someone with depression feels every day.
If you have seen Mom doing something when she thinks you don't see her, thats one thing you know she can do for herself. So you tell her, seen you doing it so I know u can. Don't disable her by doing it because its just easier for u to do it to get it done.
Instead of "let's get you dressed, so we can go shopping," make it "Be ready by 9, and I'll come take you shopping." If she's not ready, then wait in another room until she is. The reward for getting herself dressed is your undivided attention while shopping.(This is just a scenario. Adapt it to your situation, obviously.)